Ellabaja big3and09, I totally understand!! I was raised by my grandmother totally long story there so I know how it feels on both ends. And Ellabaja, I totally know how it feels with the "mom destroying things" For some reason it seems that most men that I have dated which tended to be 10-15yrs older than me had kids, so I have unfortunately dealt with it all. Being that FI and I are so close to age, and both having only 1 child, our ideals are very much the same on parenting. We were both very strict on introducing our children to anybody and it wasn't until mid way through our relationship that we met each others kid. Nevertheless, he and I both agreed (once we knew that this was it for us) to sit down and talk with his daughter's mom. In that conversation FI told her his plans on marrying me etc.. she and I had our own conversation where she and I both exchanged questions etc.. and that was that. So around prom time things were a bit smoother and she herself came to me and said, you are a good fit for him. I was floored to say the least. But I can say it does make it easier when your FI and the mom have a good parental relationship or at least a mutual agreement. Ladies, I encourage you to talk to your FI about how you feel. HE is the KEY in all of this! Without his intervention, push or direction, things will be harder than what they should be and this is not fair to us "new moms" Oh and I would also encourage you to do things with the kids apart from your FI. This way they can get to know you. Boy was I ultra nervous doing this but his daughter talked from the time I picked her up until the time I dropped her off. We hung out so long that her dad called the both of us and asked if we were okay... she laughed her heart out and said "yes i'm having a good time". Needless to say when I finally got home, I had a surprise waiting for me sorry for the misspellings I am on Theraflu ;-(