Quote: Originally Posted by atrott Sounds horrible but I can explain! First of all, this is the 2nd marriage for both myself and FI. My mother (my father passed away in 1992) was a big part of my first extravaganza. My FI eloped & didn't include any family in his 1st go round. His mother is attending OUR wedding with two of her girlfriends & his father will be bringing his wife.
Here's my dilemna, my mother has alzheimers/dementia. She's totally healthy physically, mentally not so much! My brother has nicely volunteered to pay her way to the DR for our wedding in December. While I love the idea of having my family there to be a part of everything, I know that she's going to be completely confused & I'm going to end up spending more time worrying about her than anything & I won't be able to totally relax & enjoy myself. She still lives by herself & is very comfortable in her own surroundings. I just don't think she's going to do well with this kind of trip & I don't trust my brother to babysit her the whole time they're there.
So far, I haven't figured out a way to nicely say "I love you but I don't want you at my wedding...." without starting World War III. The upside is that if I tell her, she's going to forger the conversation anyway! To be honest I think you are thinking about it too much. You said your mom is living by herself, and Im sure there are more than enough people who will be there to see to it that she is "OK' because they too know her medical history. I think it will hurt more that she is not there, and you see all of your FI's parents/family there in support of your big day and Im sure (although this is the second go round) you want your Mom to be there to share in this special event. How long is everyone staying? maybe her stay can be cut short? Will you be more comfortable if your mom is home while everyone is miles and miles away? have you asked her how she felt about the travel/wedding plans? or does she totally not even comprehend? (not sure how severe her illness is).
Not to make you feel guilty but you only have one mom (parent) here with you now and while she is still here I think you will be soo happy that she was here to share in this occasion... I think you should just think about it.....