VA_Bride

OK, I have a question. My fiance is Dutch and is a pretty hard negotiator. What is the expectation in Aruba regarding this and wedding planning? I agree that some of the fees are pretty hefty for our small group (set up fee is set even though we only have a small number of people) but overall I am very pleased with the coordinator and the resort. I don't want to be a pain in the butt or offend them, but is it the norm to expect some negotiating room? Thanks for your thoughts!

My FI is wearing shorts and I love it. I too am wearing a true wedding gown, although a somewhat simple one. He has great legs, doesn't like formal wear, and I figure this is a great compromise. Plus, we are going to be on the beach after all!

You know, that is a good idea about having someone "run interference" if necessary. The FI brother had to do that some at the party a few weeks ago and he will probably be on the look out for issues. He is pretty tactful about simply entertaining the BM if he gets too loud and keeping his attention elsewhere. Plus, after 3 hours of open bar my entire wedding might be a little loud and obnoxious!

I completely understand! There are only going to be 12 of us total, including me and the FI, and 5 of us are in the wedding, plus the mothers of the bride and groom are getting corsages! Similar to you thats over half of the group. I figured what the heck. We knowingly kept if small and intimate for cost and personal reasons, so that is just how its going to be. Now, my FI and his BM/groomsmen really don't care about flowers so they may not actually end up getting boutineers but I know that my sister as the MOH would like a bouquet and my mom and his mom would like to feel special and get something as well. It does seem kind of funny to me, but I am learning not to sweat that kind of detail. I am sure whatever you do will look good and will make all of your people feel involved and special.

I am looking for good advice as well as maybe some moral support. My fiance has been best friends with this particular individual since they were young teens. Even though they live in different countries now they still speak once a week. Its an interesting friendship. While it really is special, even they can't be around each other for too many days in a row. The best friend/best man is a generally good guy, who I like in some ways, and will continue to like for the sake of the fiance. He is also loud, rude, hyperactive and generally obnoxious. In small doses it can be OK and even amusing. But, I am quite worried about him stealing the show, or at least trying to. Part of me says not to worry about something that has yet to happen, but how well do we listen to that part of ourselves usually? At a recent party for us the BM gave a long winded speech that kind of went overboard. He has already declared his intentions to do a speech/slide show at the wedding. We don't even know how he could do the slide show but whatever. I have expressed to the fiance that I would just as soon not have anyone give long speeches, just a short couple of words from a few people. The fiance agrees but doesn't feel like he can call the BM off if he is determined. OK, well, whatever, we will still have fun. But... In addition to that he has a tendency to get louder and more attention demanding as a gathering goes on. So say this does happen, how is it most tactfully handled? I obviously want to be with my new husband at the dinner and party, and visiting with all of our guests. What are some good tactics for politely reining in someone? I am worried I will turn into the one trying to drag us or my FH away from the BM. How does one prep the FH to grow a backbone and circulate to all when it may seem rude to his friend? Any good thoughts from others who have a good family friend you do care about, but who can be difficult on group dynamics? Thanks!

MDLady! Congratulations on the wedding! Maybe you could start your own thread and tell us more about your wedding and how things went. Maybe some reviews/critiques for those of us still in the planning stage. Quote: Originally Posted by MDLady We just got back from our wedding at the Hyatt. The resort itself is amazingly beautiful. Our stay was wonderful and we would have been extremely happy if it wasn't for a few wedding day problems which really ruined my impression of the Hyatt. We were assured that it was the first time huge mistakes were made but when it's your wedding and your only wedding day, does it really matter? I've read many other reviews which were rave so maybe it was just a fluke (or bad luck as we were told by the mgmt which in reality were their mistakes and their vendors). It is definitely never too early to start doing research. The resorts have their own wedding planners and I doubt that they will let you bring your own unless your own will work with THEIR wedding planner. We hired Diane Keijzer as our photographer but we just got back so I really don't know how the pictures came out. She was extremely sweet and warm and helped a lot where the wedding planner dropped the ball which was a lot. Our ceremony was on Palm Beach right in front of the Hyatt. It was very nice but the only thing to beware of is that the sun sets on that side of the island so if your guests are facing the sea, they will have sun directly in their faces. We solved that problem by making the aisle/seats at a slight angle to the beach. It was still gorgeous with a sunset, just a little toasty and sunny at times Wow, I just realized that you are 2.5 years away!!!! You have plenty of time. I would suggest a visit if at all possible. It will greatly help you with not only meeting the planner at the resort, photographer, etc but also helping you visualize the space, check out the hotels as well as do some food tastings (which we didn't do since we didn't visit prior). I think that would probably be the biggest recommendation. Go check out a few places and get a feel for what you like and feel. Keep in mind though that this far ahead of the wedding, things may change. There might be a construction site next door in the next 2 years, or the current wedding planner may leave (which is what happened to us). Otherwise good luck. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Aruba is gorgeous and I miss it already!!!

I love looking at everyone great outfits! I have a question though.... Is/Did anyone have a groom wear shorts? Amazingly I am the one who thinks he should consider it. Nice shorts with a white shirt just sounds more comfortable for him, and we are going to be quite casual. I am wearing a nice dress, but it is a destination style and not too dressy. He doesn't have any groomsman. Just wondering if anyone else did the shorts thing for the groom and how did they feel about it? We are getting married in Aruba and I also need to look into whether the officiants would have a problem shorts on the beach. Thanks ladies!

Quote: Originally Posted by hat0112 VA_Bride that is great you will get a chance to visit before the wedding. I wish we were able too. I am worried about people disturbing our ceremony or ending up in our pictures. I am hoping since it is a 5:30 ceremony people will be getting ready for dinner or something. I think that most people have the common sense to stay away from the ceremony site. Based on what I saw when I was there this is definitely a concern. I think it will all work out, but there were a LOT of people on the beach right near the area watching the sun set. From what I have heard from others there will be a number of people watching the wedding, but they usually seem to be respectful and stay off to the side. One night there was a family throwing the football at the water's edge and it would have been very disruptive had a wedding been going on, but then again, I bet they wouldn't be doing it if there was a wedding going on. Long and short of it, there probably will be people who watch, but they will also most likely be polite and stay off to the side and out of your way. It would take a real jerk to knowingly bust into someones moment.

Thank you all for the suggestions! I think I will probably put my MOH/sister and the front during the ceremony and so what if things are asymmetrical without a BM. Its just family and best friends there so as long as we are happy with things it will work out. Plus, we have plenty of time to entertain other ideas. Regarding the Dad question. While I still lean towards preferring to walk by myself, my FI surprised me by answering he thought my Dad would really want to walk me down the isle when I asked him. He doesn't care either way, but I wonder if his male intuition picked up on signals from my Dad I didn't, and if so I certainly wouldn't want to leave Dad out and hurt his feelings. Thanks for the thoughts. I will just have to see how details emerge as we continue planning, but it is so helpful to hear what other people do and bounce ideas off of folks here.

Quote: Originally Posted by MDLady VA_Bride - isn't it amazing that people say that we are "forcing people to spend a week on an island" like we are making them to into a military bootcamp in the middle of the Sahara dessert..... I wish I was forced to spend more time on the islands!!!!!!! No Kidding! Fortunately for us, FI's mom beat some sense into his dad. The rest of the family was pretty excited about it. His side is all Dutch and they have never been to the Caribbean so they are excited. I am sure everyone will have a great time once you are there, they just have to get over the mindset against it. A couple of Pink Iguanas from Smokey Joe's and they will all be loving it.

I am having my sister do MOH duties, but FI will not have any groomsmen or BM. I think we are just going to wing it and have sister either already standing at front or walk down the isle with her husband escorting her. I have been trying to figure that part out myself!

I see similar threads to this and have taken some of the advice from them as well, but I thought I would put my particular circumstance out there and see what folks have to say. Our wedding is small. 10 people plus me and the fiance kind of small. I did ask my sister to be my MOH, and she is excited about it. FI will not have any groomsman standing up with him. So, Question(s) #1: Does my sister walk down the isle before me? Stand up front or then sit down? Does my brother-in-law walk her down since there are no groomsman? And thoughts/experiences with this are much appreciated!! Question #2: I personally would prefer walking down the isle by myself. It just seems lower key and more my style. Is this fairly normal? Have others had any issues with parents or family not liking the non-traditional walk? My dad is pretty tough and I don't *think* he will mind, but I do worry a little about hurting his feelings. Any and all thoughts on how to make folks feel special while keeping it easy going and informal are appreciated! Thanks ladies!

Wow - Its amazing to read all of these responses and realize many of us are having the same issues. My parents don't have the money to fund a wedding right now and I am more than happy to do it myself. However, that did mean the FI and I needed to keep costs down. We are also beach-loving and fairly private people so it all seemed to be perfect for a DW. Fortunately my family has been very supportive, my Dad things wearing shorts and a Hawaiian shirt to a wedding is the best thing ever. FI dad... Well, he started off a little reluctant. We got the selfish comment and that we were forcing everyone to spend a week on an island when they would all much rather have it in VA or DC. Turns out no one else on that side felt that way, plus FI mom beat FI dad into submission so now everyone is on board. The friends have been middle of the road. I think they all understand, but are disappointed they can't come. To defray the costs to our guests we are hosting a welcome dinner and a full day snorkel cruise, so we can only afford close family and best friends. I wish we could invite them all but it would quickly bust the reason for the small intimate wedding in the first place so I think we will have to come up with a fun and inexpensive way to do an AHR. I hate to hear all the difficulties DW brides are facing, but glad to hear that everyone seems to be making it through just fine and are still happy with their decision.

We are getting married November 3rd at the Marriott. We were down for a visit a month ago or so and it really helped us both feel more comfortable with things. The coordinator sent us pictures of cakes and arches and torches and all sorts of stuff. We have favorites, but it was good to know that pretty much everything we looked at or have pictures of is nice so if we end up having issues with the details at least all the options are acceptable. The biggest question I still have is whether to go with the steel pan player or do an iPod music selection. I would prefer the steel pan, but the fiance would much prefer the iPod. Since the iPod will be hugely cheaper that is most likely what we will end up with. I also worry a little bit about how busy it can be on the beach where the weddings take place. There was a family football game there one evening when we were visiting and it wouldn't have set the right atmosphere. Then again, most likely if they saw a wedding getting set up they probably wouldn't still throw the football back and forth in front of the minister. Hopefully. In any case... The Hyatt looked really nice when we were there visiting, I am sure you will have a perfect day no matter what! Plus, at least we know our guests will have a great time, who doesn't love Aruba! Quote: Originally Posted by MDLady VA Bride, you are absolutely right, neighbor! Where are you guys getting married? You have plenty of time until November. Let me know if you have any questions, maybe I'll be able to help once we are actually back from Aruba

Both are great. I liked the first one slightly more, but agree with the others on trying it on if at all possible. The DB dress is also lovely and would make a great choice.