bholthof

Ok, so I know this has been tossed about a bunch of times... but if you were in our shoes, what would you do? We are planning a destination wedding. We haven't even been able to choose a location yet, and already there are some people of the 40 we planned on inviting who have said that a destination wedding is "too inconvenient" for them. We have been tossing around the idea of an AHR since the beginning, but I'm starting to think that there is really no point. For one thing, we don't intend on inviting aunts/uncles/cousins to the wedding - its immediate family and friends only. I already realize our grandparents probably won't be able to make it to the wedding. And if I did invite aunts and uncles, some probably would go. And also I think it would be weird to have an AHR that both my family and FI family come to - nobody would know each other, and I don't want to do anything formal, so a reception like what follows a wedding would be silly. Plus, both sides of my family are planning family reunions next summer anyway, which is when we would have the AHR. So most of them would go to either my AHR or the family reunion. I think that for my side of the family, at least, we shouldn't bother with an AHR, and should just go to the family reunions to accept congradulations from the family. Its not like we need presents, anyway. As for FI's family, we aren't close to any of them. if we were to have an AHR for that side of the family, (his dad's side) most of them wouldn't be there for us, anyway. And besides, his stepmom is the one that says it is too inconvenient for them - they are already planning 2 other vacations, and won't consider coming to our wedding unless we have it during March break. So I at this point I don't care if they come or not, and I don't particularly want to have an AHR just so they can be there. If anything, I am thinking that we should maybe do a small AHR for those important people who can't come to the wedding - such as grandparents or those who can't afford it. Why bother throwing a huge bash for people that I don't speak to 95% of the year, and only ever see at family reunions? I don't know. It seems like such an unnecessary expense to have an AHR, but at the same time it seems as though people expect it. I just don't see the point. I mean, most of the people we would invite to an AHR are people we wouldnt invite to the wedding... so why bother?? If they aren't close enough to us to be invited to our wedding - why pay the extra cash to have a party for them at home? What would you do?

my house: disaster!

Thank you. See, the funny thing is, its not like I was asking them to give thier opinions on the WEDDING... I just said, here is a list of resorts I'm considering, which three are your favorites?? From there it just degenerated into the Wicked Witch of Waterloo being horrible. And I'm the one who gets called un-friendly... I don't know. IMO, things like weddings are things you push and push to share with people... not events that you squabble over. And I KNEW she would behave like this... at FI's sisters wedding, the stepmom threatened to pull her daughter out of the wedding party and go home, because she (stepmom) was supposed to be sitting in the pew before the ceremony started, and didn't get a grand entrance. So why am I surprised?

Quote: Originally Posted by ebredhawk if your FI's stepmom is so nasty, would you really even want her there? Actually, no, we would prefer she wasn't there. But we DO want his father and his half siblings there. But she is a controlling freak, and probably won't let them go without her.

Is it worth it? Is alienating people and causing disappointment to some people and all the heartache involved?

And do they really need to go on vacation during march break AND go on a two week cruise this fall? Can't they hold off on March break and come to our wedding instead?

I'm not sure if this should go here or in the venting area... although I am trying really hard not to make it into a vent. I'm wondering how you justify an destination wedding. I mean, its what we want, and if we were to get married in canada, over half our guests would have to travel almost 7 hours anyway... and thats if we did it where we live. At least in Ottawa we have ties to people/places. If we did it where FI family is, we would still essentially be planning a distance wedding... and it would be a lot less meaningful. Also, I already know we don't want to invite a lot of people who we would otherwise be required to invite. So in that sense, a destination wedding makes more sense. But how do you justify your decision to people who SHOULD be making the effort to be there? I recently emailed several members of my fiance's family who we will be inviting to the wedding, asking them thier opinions and thier ideas on where to go, what they would like, etc. The stepmom (who is evil, btw) comes back saying "Oh, this place is nice, blah blah blah... why do you want to do it in April?" So I say, "Well, we would like to just get married, but anything sooner is too soon to plan to have important family members such as yourselves there. Plus, april is usually slightly cheaper, and it is a little less crowded as it is after peak season." So she says, "Well, April means pulling the kids out of school, and we have already started planning our family vacation during March Break as well as a two-week Hawaiian cruise for our 20th anniversary." Me: " lol, I doubt the kids would mind being pulled out of school! lol. When is your anniversary?" Her: "Yes the kids would mind, you can't expect us to say yes we will go when you haven't decided where or when or how much, and we are planning this Hawaiian cruise, so we at this point we are going to say no we won't come. Plus, how is FI sister going to travel with a four month old, and how is his other sister going to afford it? Just have a wedding here so that the entire family can attend." So this upsets me A LOT. I start crying, call the FI, who incidentaly is working halfway across the country, and I get angry. I write this. "Fine. First of all, we haven't decided anything. We are trying to get ideas, opinions, so that all of the important people to us can actually make it. We want a small wedding. We don't want hundreds of cousins and family members we never speak to to be there. We only want immediate family and some close friends. Such as Jon's father and siblings. You and your family plan several expensive vacations a year. Forgive us for thinking you might want to attend the wedding of Rob's oldest son. So sorry to inconvenience you. Going in April yes, does mean pulling the kids out of school, but they will still have two months when they return, and its not like in April there are exams or prom or anything important. If we were to push it back to a more convenient time, such as September or October next year, you'd still have to pull the kids out of school. Same issue. Children under 2 usually stay and eat and fly for free. Thats not a problem. And as far as those people who are financially unable to make it themselves, we will find a way to help them get there, especially if they are important to us, such as FI's sister. " .... I think I may have overreacted a little. But honestly, we don't want a huge wedding taht we are required to invite hundreds of people to. We want to do a destination wedding. And we want Jon's dad and his siblings to be there. We could care less about the stepmom. She's a b****. And if we were to drop what we want, I think we would still wind up getting married someplace far away. So... how do we justify it? How do we let people know that this is really what we want, and that we want them all to be there? How do we work what we want around what they are demanding? Should we even bother? And if they say they aren't going to be there, should we even care? Has anyone changed thier plans about where/when because of family?? I don't want to become a bridezilla, but I just can't figure out how to make everyone happy - or at least make everyone accept the idea. I just want to get married and live happily ever after... is that so much to ask?? Really?

Hey ladies, I'm considering St. Lucia (as one of many destinations... ugh, it is so hard to pick just one!!) and I'm wondering approximately what your weddings are costing... Thanks in advance!!

Hey ladies, Can anyone tell me if the resort feels like a huge megomonster, or if it has a smaller, more intimate feel? This is very important to me, and since I've never been there, maybe one of you can help Thanks.

I also love anything Jaqueline Carey's books... I forgot to add that earlier. Hers are amazing.

so... here's a question. My father is a Canadian minister, legally able to perform weddings in canada. Now, will it still be a legal ceremony if we file for all the paperwork at home, fly the legal documents out to whereever, sign them during the symbolic ceremony, and file them when we get home? Cause I really want him to do the ceremony, but I think my family will have a problem with us signing all the paperwork beforehand and just doing a ceremony at our destination... And its not like we can keep it on the downlow or anything, as my father is the minister...

I hear ya... I'm totally in the same position right now... its soooo hard to pick just one place!!

Juliett Marillier's Sevenwaters Trilogy is INCREDIBLE. Especially if you like fairy tale adaptations... anyway, it is amazing. Sara Douglass The Wayfarer Redemption series is also really good - increadibly complex plotline. I also really enjoyed the Time Travellers Wife - looking forward to the movie - i love Eric Bana. If you can find it The Sleep of Stone is an incredible teen book - really old, but a really great read - makes me cry every time. Love Harry Potter, of course I also enjoy Anne Rice's first few vampire books I've read the Sookie Stackhouse novels - they are a fun, quick read, too. Robin Hobb's Liveships Trilogy is fun, too - as is her Assasins trilogy I mostly read fantasy - but there are some really great fiction books out there too... I've been meaning to start Jasper Fford's books, because my brother and SIL like them, but haven't gotten around to it yet...

So I'm sure this has already been posted elsewhere... But this is my vent. I realized recently that I have no idea how to plan a wedding. I have no clue what I'm doing. I have no idea if I am doing it right. I hardly know where to go. And even when I take advice like "its your day, do what you want to do," into consideration, that isn't always possible. For example. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to get married in Belize. Fact of the matter: Its expensive to stay there. And the fiance's family simply can't afford it. They can't afford much, for that matter. Which is why we will be paying for probably at least three members of his family to come out. Which is fine. Except that REALLY eats into my budget. So I have to keep reminding myself not to look at the places I would really like, because tehre is no way that we will be able to afford it. Which sucks. Belize is beautiful! And even if I didn't do Belize, my tastes tend to run towards small resorts - not the monster behemoths that offer the best rates. ARGH!!! I also have no idea whats supposed to be done when, or of even HALF the teeny details involved in planning the thing. And when I ask the other half to pitch in, he says "I just want to get it over with." Thanks. So do I - but I want to have my family there, as I only plan on doing this once!!! ... And the more I try to juggle all of this on my own, the more I get that tight little knot in the pit of my stomach that twists and makes me all tense and frustrated. And now my man has flown HALFWAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY for over a month, leaving me to try and juggle it on my own.... HELP!!!!

Hah. Figured it out. Thanks!!

Hi ladies, Any great ideas/thoughts on making all the invites, RSVPS, AHR invites, and thank you cards match?? I'm doing message in a bottle invitations, so the invitation itself will be rolled up, and I'm planning on putting the RSVP's and info on booking through the TA in the box so that they won't get all curly. 1st Question: Do I need both RSVP's and info on booking through the TA? I think it would be nice to know who plans on attending, but the guests will need to make thier own travel arrangements through the TA... and I don't want them to have too much to do - I don't want them to think that ONLY sending an RSVP to me will be good enough, and I don't want them to only book through the TA as then I'm not sure if I'll know who is coming... Maybe I'm just being an idiot. 2nd question: Any ideas on making all the different invites/RSVPS/etc. match?? The message in a bottle has sand, seashells, and (currently) little beach umbrellas, but I might remove the umbrellas. The invites themsleves (although not set in stone yet - I'm trying out a couple ideas) will probably be tea stained with burned edges - or maybe be parchment paper that is just aged looking. I'd like everything to at least co-ordinate... There are some really clever ideas on the DIY forum, but they tend to focus just on the MIB or just the style of other invites... and I really want everything to coordinate. 3rd question: Is it too early to be thinking of all this stuff when I haven't even picked a location/colors or anything yet?? lol.... I really want to make the invites and get them sent, although I may be jumping the gun a little... Thanks for all your thoughts!!

Do you guys think that I can send the AHR invites out at the same time as the DW invitations? We plan on only inviting about 30 ppl to the DW, (immediate family and close friends only) and will invite extended family and other friends to the AHR. Our wedding is tentatively booked for April, and I don't want people who know about the wedding to feel insulted that they aren't being invited to the wedding...but if they recieve an AHR invite, maybe they will feel included? We plan on having the AHR either in late May or early June, about a month after we get back... On the other hand, since I will be inviting the same people to the DW as to the AHR, I don't want certain people who are invited to the wedding to decide not to go because they have another option... (ie grandparents) What do you think??

Hey.. Would love to see them, I really want to make tags for our wedding.. but I can't open the files. Anyone know how I can do that??

Has anybody been to/ heard anything about Sun Village Resort and Bungalows?? I really like the look of the place... but Tripadvisor reviews make me kind of leery... I just really really like the look of the cascading pools... Any help would be great!! p.S. I did a search, but couldn't find anything...

Hi all, I would like to be an April 2010 bride... but we haven't set a date as we can't decide on a resort!! (I would like the 17th) I don't think I can do this! If any of you have suggestions for places, PLEASE let me know... we want an AI, we want a small, intimate feel to the place, no beach gawkers or uninvited guests, good price, good food, excursion options, and no giant hotels!! I would love to have villa or bungalow style places, but I don't think that is going to be affordable.. Argh!!! This is so frustrating and absolutely driving me to distraction!!! I just want to have a place picked!!!!

I'm also looking at the Bahamas - and also overwhelmed!! Let me know what you decide.

Hi! Just got engaged last week... fiance and I really want to do a destination wedding, but are having a lot of trouble finding a place we like! Considering Small Hope Bay Lodge in Andros, Bahamas, or Las Casetas in Mexico...