I am also a 2010 bride and is new to the site. We got engaged in June 2008 and just recently decided on a DW. We're planning on having our wedding in May 2010. Our top priority is the cost for our guests, definitely AI and a resort with modern decor. The budget for our guests is $1000, which is reasonable as I've been to Mexico two times before and stayed 5-7 days and it cost me less than that.
We're actually attending a friends wedding at the Ocean Coral & Turquesa resort this May and are planning to do our site visits while we're there.
I agree w/ most of your frustrations! There's just too many resorts to choose from and it's hard to judge from just pictures.