I've been tortured with this as well. At first I didn't want anything but my FI did and he was thinking a full out reception. But my whole reasoning for wanting to go away was to get away from all that. So I think we are going to have a small, appies only reception. And like you we are getting married in November so the BBQ thing wasn't really an option. The only thing I worry about is having something so close to Christmas so we might wait until January to have it.
Hope you can figure something out