First off...Congratulations! I completely understand where you are coming from. I am also recently engaged and I'm having the hardest time settling on a date as I have a few teachers in the fam that will be coming and they cannot take time off during the school year.
I dont plan on paying for any of the accomodations for my guests either, only the wedding festivities, etc. I hope they dont think that I will be
I literally have spent the last week on this site reading over the # of forums and there is some great info!!
I dont have any advice for you just yet but I'm interested in all the same questions you have! Unfortunately my FI has no travelling experience what so ever, the farthest he has been is to the U.S. so this will be an adventure!
I also dont know how many guests to expect but I can anticipate that only half of who "say" they will be there will actually come because of the $$!. I am quoting 30 to 50.
I do suggest searching in the forums under the resorts your most interested in, I can almost gaurantee there will be some great advice and $ discussed!