I totally understand you. My FSIL got engaged after us, is having a local wedding this summer (ours is in April) and now none of my FH's family is coming to our wedding. She did phone a year ago, before we had our date booked, and asked if it was ok for her to reserve her date. What was I going to say - no? I told her that was only fair seeing how we didn't pick a date (but we did tell everyone Spring 2009), BUT I was assumption that they would all still save for a year and a half and attend our wedding also.
We changed our wedding date to accomadate those that are coming, some with tickets paid for still don't have their passports and the actually expense keeps growing. But, if you did chose to have a wedding at home I guarantee you would still have problems, maybe not the same problems but still issues from people. What is keeping me going is knowing that my FH and I are actually doing what we want to do and how we want to do it. Some how it will all work out in the end, there will be troubles along the way but in the end you will still be getting married and enjoying you day where and how you want to