Oh wow! Jacilynda, I think you're handling it very well! That's a lot of stuff going on but you seem very level headed about it - so congrats on that!!!!
Yeah, I don't understand why the sister would make all of the arrangements etc when she wasn't approved yet! The only thing I can think of is that she knew her confirmation of approved or denied was going to come in really close to the departure date and she didn't want to take any chances.
I totally hear you on the "hiding things from us". I guess they "think" that they're protecting us from being hurt, but you're right.....in the end its just worse.
Good luck!