FutureMrsLewis

Quote: Originally Posted by LALA You need to call your sister and tell her this is between you and your parents. She is not involved and you will not speak to her about it. She can come to your house and sit on the front steps all day if she wants. It doesn't involve her. I'm not worried if she comes over, she can knock on my door all she likes, I still have to choose whether or not to let her in. And if there's any fuss, I'm not against calling the cops. Cruel or not, I've had enough of being manipulated and treated like a child. They're not winning this one, I don't care. I will call Mom and Dad, I just don't have any idea what to say... I'm so soft-hearted I know I'm only going to cry the whole time on the phone, so it's a hard phone call to make. I thought this letter would help them understand what they're doing to me and how they're making me sick (literally) and it needs to change, but all it did was make them worse... I just don't know what to do anymore... I'm not keeping things as they are, I can't live like this anymore, but I don't know if I should just sever the ties now or give them a chance to make it better.... And FI has to leave in an hour for work and he'll be gone until a little after midnight..

I actually live in St. John's, and I can relate. I had first said I was going to have my AHR here in town, and my parents, who live in the Port-aux-Basques area, thought I should travel the 1000 km's and have it there. I said no, then "Well why not Dildo?" (My two sisters live there) and I realized they weren't going to be happy with my AHR either way, so now I'm debating even having one. Just stay firm and tell her everything is booked and you can't cancel with your vendors b/c you've already paid deposit or something, anything to keep her quiet pretty much lol Or like mpajkos said, just tell her you reviewed the others and they're not suitable. And if you ever need some pics or a site visit or anything from here in St. John's, I would gladly do it for you Just hang in there, only another few months!!

I've been told that April is an AMAZING time to go to DR, usually the last two weeks of April. That's when we're planning for too, somewhere around the 26th of April. There are a lot of resorts in PC to choose from, I narrowed mine down by saying "Okay, I only want around 500 rooms, therefore a smaller resort, and I want it to be kid friendly, and below $2000, and then narrowed down my choices to which one had a better pool, better beach, etc, and I found EdenH Good luck choosing a resort, it's almost as hard as choosing FI lol But like finding FI, once you've made your choice, the hardest part is over with

That's what happened to me lol I was burning everything to a DVD and I'd always add to it once a week or so, and in between burnings it crashed lol

Alright, here we go... I had a message left on my phone this morning from my oldest sister telling me that she heard from Mom and she's VERY upset. Instead of calling me and clearing things up, she called Tanya, crying her heart out, and Tanya got up and drove in town (1 1/2 hrs away) so she could call me from our cousin's house. On the message, she told me I have 24 hours to call my parents or else she's coming over. I'm not 15!! I'll be 23 in a couple of months, or should I say 33, because I'm definitely more mature than a 23 year old. I just don't understand why they couldn't have called me instead of bringing my sister in to all of this. I'm so mad right now, I could seriously scream! The point of my letter was to tell them that I was hurt and something had to change so they'd realize what they're doing to me, not to make things worse.

Quote: Originally Posted by trophywife OMG we are the same way as well as our DF's!! I have a file on the computer where I store pictures organized by color and category as well as loads of pages book marked on my browsers!! My computer crashed a while ago and I lost ALL the pics and files I had saved, so I bought an external hard drive just to store wedding stuff on lol I've got pics, text files, pdf templates, everything lol When the wedding actually gets closer, I'm going to have a LOT to sort through lol

Too cute I've got two fluffballs too, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Cats are much better in pairs

So far I've picked a resort (which MAY change, but not likely, I LOVE it lol) and the date (which again, MAY change, but still the same month/year). I have all these ideas and FI is like "Dammit woman, it's still over two years away!" lol But it feels like my brain is going to explode lol So right now I'm just looking at ideas, saving millions of pictures of things I like, and reading everyone else's advice about what to do, what not to do, what worked, what didn't work, that kind of stuff. I call it "wedding research" lol

Wow, I really hope your cousin is okay and that you figure out exactly what happened. You'll definitely have to keep us posted. And as for them treating your mom like crap, that SUCKS. It happens way too often, and it's not fair.

Well so far so good, there's been no nasty phone message or e-mail left for me, I don't know if they just haven't checked their e-mail yet or if they're thinking it all over, but I figured by now either my Mom or my middle sister would have yelled at me for "upsetting Dad" I'm just going to make sure that, whenever they do respond, they know I'm serious and I'm ready to sever the ties if need be. And as for the wedding, we're still not 100% sure. It's going to be a small wedding anyway, it may even be just me and FI, but his parents will be the first two on the plane, we just need to give them a date and time, and have even offered to pay for the whole thing (which I flat out declined lol) so I still have a few good family members to celebrate with when we get married, even if they are in-laws lol

I'm here! I'm here! lol Our wedding was originally planned for April, 2010, but it's pushed back a year because I'm returning to school Nice to see I'm not the only one thinking ahead lol

Quote: Originally Posted by Hartyt509 Ok how about I get a flight straight from Newcastle to Toronto and take my parachute and bail out over newfoundland lol I'll come prepared with my knuckle dusters etc lmao Just aim for the huge patch of fog and you've found St. John's lol

Well, I sent them an e-mail. A little impersonal maybe, but at least through e-mail I can't get cut off and yelled at before I got my point across, and in person won't work because they're a 10+ hr drive away. So the e-mail is sent, I ran it by FI and FMIL and they both said it was great and got the point across really well. I basically said that in three years, we're no closer to them getting along than we were from the first day, and I can't take it anymore. I told them how they've been causing my constant hospital visits, not the lame excuses I've given them all along, and that they have to get along or get out. I hope it doesn't come to that, but at this point, I dont' care, I just need to be happy and take care of me, because nobody else will (well, FI will, but you know what I mean lol). So thanks everyone, you've all been awesome, and I'll definitely keep you posted when I hear from them again.

Quote: Originally Posted by gofeden Not sure if this is the place to write this but I write back and forth you ladies the most, so here it is. We were contemplating having an at home reception when we get back from the DR. My parents want to do it their way and my FI's parents want to do it their way. In the end, I would not like to have anything since our familes can't agree and I don't want our wedding in Punta Cana to be spoiled. Our families are from diff worlds and have an idea of what a reception should look like. It is also going to be hard to compromise, so I thought we would just have two separate lucnhes, one with my fam and one with his? Tell me your thoughts. J. It's YOUR day, and therefore YOUR decision. I have a similar situation, my parents think you need to have a big to-do when it comes to the reception, and FI's parents think that we could just have a small get-together, so we're either not having anything, or we're just going to have something at our house for anyone who wants to show up. We're not getting married for gifts and big receptions, we're getting married so we can be husband and wife, so a reception is out for us But just remember it's your day, so as long as you and your FI are happy, then nobody else matters

Quote: Originally Posted by cheese_diva I haven't read the other responses but sounds like you need to choose your family.. either you'll continue torturing yourself trying to please your parents or choose your new family.. you and Marc. Your husband will need you to make a decision.. What happens if you have kids and they treat your kids that way? I would suggest reading the book by Dr. Laura "Ten Stupid Things Couples do to Mess up Their Relationships".. might help you get over your issues with your family and have a happy life with your new hubby without the guilt. Oh GOD! If I was to have kids with this crap going on, they'd grow up to resent their grandparents just like I resent my father's parents. We don't talk anymore, and I severed ties with them last year after they drove past my house to visit my cousin and didn't stop in to see me numerous times and then freaked because I wasn't home to answer their phonecall once. I know that my parents would be the same type of grandparents, and I don't want my children growing up with that. And I'm definitely going to have a look at that book, I love reading. One thing that takes my mind off real life lol

Quote: Originally Posted by KLC77 Well, I haven't read anybody else's responses, but here's what I think. Sometimes you need to eliminate negative people from your life. And unfortunately sometimes those people are related to you. That's what FI's Mom keeps telling me, she eliminated her sister from her life last year after years and YEARS of horrible treatment, and doesn't want to see me go through the same thing. It's hard to think about not having them around, but it's even harder to think about keeping them in my life with them acting this way... My mental health is deteriorating SO much, and I don't need them bringing me down constantly or else I'm never going to get any better

Quote: Originally Posted by Hartyt509 No problem lol not sure how far it is but Toronto is 6 hours lmao It's almost literally "across the pond" lol All I know is Marconi was able to send the first wireless signal from Cornwall (I think) to Signal Hill here in St. John's lol And that was apparently 3500 km's lol As for a flight, you've gotta go through Toronto or Halifax first I think, which is stupid because you have to fly over Newfoundland, then fly back lol My cousin has to do that from Norway every year, fly to Toronto then fly back to St. John's or Gander

I knew I'd get great advice here I kinda knew what I had to do, but I needed the motivation (and the confidence that it's the right thing to do). So I'm going to give them the ultimatum, "You can accept it, or you can lose a daughter. Your choice." And Harty, I'm hoping I won't have to kick anyone's arse (love how you call it arse too lol), but if the need arises, I'll keep you in mind!! And at least you won't have to fly too far! lol This board, and all you ladies, are absolutely amazing.

Thanks That's what I'm thinking too, I'm just such a soft-hearted person, I really don't know how to approach it, that's my problem. I HATE confrontation, and I've always been afraid of my parents (rough childhood, but I'm not going there lol) And FI is amazing, he is definitely my rock, and his mother would stay on the phone with me for three days and listen to me cry if she thought it would help, I just wish my own mother gave a shit sometimes And I try to talk to my oldest sister about it, and the only response I get is "I'm not getting in the middle of this".

OMG, that is my absolute WORST fear!! And not just in the pictures, but just naked people everywhere lol I tried to pick a kid-friendly resort to reduce the chances of naked-ness, but I don't know how much that's going to help lol I just don't want some of the more "sensitive" guests to be mortified by all the shirtless women lol

Le sigh... I think everyone has problems with their families, or families-in-law, and for me, it's my own parents... I don't know who else to vent to, so I came here. Me and FI met on November 4, 2005, and got engaged on December 25, 2006. My parents have HATED Marc ever since we met, and don't really talk to him or even talk about him at all. They live about 1000km's away, so we don't see each other very often, and when we do, they just talk to me and are happy to see me and could care less about FI. So all along I've just been ignoring it and cherishing the little bit of time I got to see them each year and FI has just blown it off. Anyway, getting to the point, I went to see them back in August as a surprise, just me and my sister, and while I was there my father said "You should come live with me and your mother for the winter, I could use someone to shovel my snow." I said "Dad, I have a life in St. John's, I have Marc and the two cats and a place of my own, I can't just leave all that behind." His reply, "Why not? What difference does it make if you leave them down there?" And I just walked away and he didn't bring it up anymore while I was home. Anyway, Marc has been out of work for a few months (through no fault of his own) and my Dad thought he was just being lazy, sending over 200 resumes is far from lazy, and FI starts his first day of work at his new job tonight. So I called my dad last week to let him know that I decided to go back to school and that I was going to do cosmetology (a decision I made a LONG time ago, but couldn't tell Dad for fear he'd freak out, he still doesn't know about us having a DW) and he said "Well, before you go to school, get some energy pills, will you?" Referring to Marc and that he's "lazy". Nothing FI ever does is good enough for my father, and it's driving me nuts. EVERY time I get off the phone with him I'm left crying, and FI has to pick up the pieces. So I haven't talked to Dad in over a week, and today Mom called and left a message on my machine yelling at me and telling me that she's pissed off I haven't called her back since she tried calling last Sunday. I just don't know what to do anymore, it feels like I'm never going to be good enough for them, and I have two older sisters who are FAR from perfect, and my father HATES my middle sister's husband, but he would never say anything to her about Andy being a piece of trash (Even though he is, but that's another story). I'm ready to just cut off all ties with my parents, as much as it hurts. I've tried for almost THREE YEARS to get Mom and Dad to realize that I love Marc and I'm not leaving him, and they still see him as a boyfriend and a fling, even though we've been engaged for almost two of those three years. Should I try to smooth things over anymore? This is tearing me apart and I've already had countless anxiety attacks over Dad and his negative comments and I've even had a few breakdowns and spent nights in the hospital because of it. Le sigh... And FI's parents are ANGELS!! They're so supportive and so loving, but they're in Aberta I'm just at my wit's end and I need a neutral view on this... And if you've made it this far, God love ya

No problem When it comes to cordless phones and batteries, I can't be stumped lol Had it pressed into my head EVERY day at work. We tried to be "Canada's battery destination" and because everyone came in looking for cordless phone batteries and didn't agree with $25 for a new battery, I sold them a new phone instead! lol

Definitely go with a phone that's DECT 6.0, and Panasonic is the BEST in cordless phones. If you want to use a headset, just make sure it's got a little jack on the side that you can plug the headset into. I used to work at The Source by Circuit City (Canadian version of Circuit City kinda) and whenever I sold anything but a Panasonic, it was back the next day lol And like I said about the DECT 6.0 phones, that's the frequency that it communicates to the base with, and 6.0 is the newest, most secure frequency and it allows better distance from the base and clearer signals Hope that helps!

Quote: Originally Posted by Morgan So THAT'S what a hooker's wedding dress looks like!!!

It seems as though my friend, Murphy, has shared his law with you as well lol Oh my, I have LOTS of days like these, and I just think "Why am I so stupid?" But when you've got a wedding on your mind, along with the 50-million other everyday things, letting things slip your mind gets much easier than before lol Just take a deep breath, go inside and have a nice cup of tea and laugh at yourself for having a "duh" moment lol Like I always say, "What else can I do but laugh at this point? I could cry I suppose, but I'd much rather laugh, and who better to laugh at than myself?"