NJ_bride

Hi Everyone! So we are now 2 months from our wedding in Jamaica. Lately I find myself just very depressed over the whole wedding. It seems that in the 13 months we have been engaged everything has gone wrong. Instead of being filled with happiness and excitement as I pictured it has been filled with disappointment, anger, and tears. I guess the only way I can fully explain is to recap for you guys. I will try to give you the short version. We got engaged Labor Day 2007 the first weekend was awesome, we called all our friends and family we celebrated and we started shaping our plans. We knew we were having a destination wedding all along so it was just a matter of picking an island. My family was thrilled with the idea, FH's family not as much but knew we were gonna do what we wanted so went along. Within the 1st week we picked our bridal party. FH chose his brother as BM and my brother for a grooms man. I am not close with my brother but he felt it would be nice to include him and that way he didn't have to chose amongst his friends. I in turn chose his sister to be my MOH. I was friends with her and thought it would be a nice bonding expereince for us since we both do not have sisters. I also picked my best friend as a BM who hooked up FH and I. At this time family on both sides was driving us up a wall about having an AHR. When we started pricing it it would be like $15000 since we have huge families and would want our friends. We decided this was a dumb idea since we wanted our wedding on an island not here well everyone just kept pushing it. We decide on Jamaica and Swept Away on the advice of a friend and proceeed to pic a date and book it. My parents said they wanted to pay for everything. At this point my parents decided to throw us a small engagement party. Since it was sit down at their house they limited the guest list to Aunt's and Uncles, godparents and the bridal party. FH didn't want the party, he thought it was pointless since the people coming mostly were ones giving us a hard time about the wedding. we had it anyway. Xmas came and went and FH's mom who had kidney Cancer seemed to be getting worse. Within 1 month she went into the hospital, we found out it had spread and she only had maybe 6 months left. FH's family decided not to tell her. While this is going on we were in the midst of trying to send save the dates, make travel plans for the bridal party and look for my dress. Also FH had graduated in Oct.. and was still looking for a job. We went back and forth should we postpone, change our plans, ect. Well not knowing all the facts still we stuck with our plans. The first week in Feb. she went home into hospice care still not having a clue what was going on and thinking she was going to get better. They gave her 1 week at this point. FH went back home to NY to be with her in the end, this put a huge strain on us. His family and got mad at me for not doing the same even though I was the only one supporting our house during this time and had been at my new job not even 1 month. I went to visit every Saturday but we live 2 hours away so I could not go during the week. She made it 1 month before she passed. During that time FH and I fought constantly over his family. The hated me cause I didn't drop everything to be there, even though his mom and I never got along. His sister, my MOH and his brother best man wouldn't even talk to me! His brother proposed with a fake ring to his girlfriend so their mom could see it but got mad that we sent the save the dates. They got mad if we even mentioned the wedding. FH got a job in the middle of all this and started soon after but it was in NY and even though he came home he went back to Queens everyday and was miserable. FH then started getting mad at my family for things too. My brother has a lot of problems and they were getting worse. We worked together and that caused more problems. My parents were in denial about my brother's problems and wanted FH and I to overlook them too. No one in FH's family would even mention the wedding if you brought it up the changed the subject. MY MOH instead of backing out just did nothing, same with his best man. My brother couldn't even get to work much less care about our wedding and my friend was the only one doing anything! FH got in a fight with his brother finally because his brother kept being really nasty about our wedding complaining about everything. He ranted on to FH about all the things he didn't like and thought we did wrong. Most importantly not postponing the wedding, he feels we are disrespecting his mother's memory. Well FH was so hurt he told him if you don't like what we are doing don't come. So now he has no best man. At the same time my brother crashed and burned and he was removed from the bridal party and we felt he needed to get help and not come to an AI for a wedding. That leaves no one in FH's side of the bridal party. His sis and I kept going back and forth, she did nothing but cause problems.My shower came and went last month which while beautiful was very hard for me since FH and I had a HUGE blowout with my family the week before over my brother. It ended with my dad saying he wasn't coming to the wedding, both of them not speaking to FH and us now having to come up with $15000 in 3 months to pay for the wedding ourselves! As of now FH still doesn't have any attendants, which he is sad about, no bachelor party, nothing. He can't pick someone else because my parents were paying for the bridal parties rooms and we can't afford to pay for someone else since we have to cover everything now. His brother isn't even coming to the wedding. My dad has decided to come but only to avoid getting crap from people for not coming, his words, not mine. FH and him still aren't talking which should be great when they are in a resort together in Jamaica! My parents are on the brink of divorce over all this stuff with my brother who is getting help but also not coming. MOH (fiance's sister) still can't really be bothered. We are stretched to the limit financially and both truly unhappy. Little to no family is coming even though we have 45 each on our fathers sides. They are still mad we aren't having the traditional wedding or an AHR. While almost all of FH's friends are coming only 2 of mine, also sad. I can't believe over a year went by and all of this misery. FH just wants it to be over with and I can't say I blame him! I have never been married and I know there is always drama but this is too much. How can a happy thing be so sad?

Hi Kaylee, See that's the thing I didn't make any changes. The alterations are as follows, hem, take in waist, put in bustle. Pretty much the standard I think?

Yes, I live only 20 minutes from the PA border so if you don't mind sharing I would appreciate the referall. Thanks!

Hi everyone! I went for my first fitting yesterday and we have a big issue for what they are trying to charge me for alterations. Here is the senerio I bought a couture gown in february through a bridal shop where the designer was having a trunk show. The designer hereself measured me for the dress and made the entire thing from scratch for me. I know they do a size larger becuase you can take in but not let out and of course it needs to be hemmed to be the right length with my shoes. But I am not making any changes to the dress and I did not gain any weight, I lost a little but not drastic. They want $500 for alterations! The dress was a lot but to my mom and I isn't what we were paying for was a custom dress? We were expecting maybe $300 in alterations since it has to be all done by hand. I was hoping you guys could advice? Had we known this much I would have bought a cheaper dress and spent the $500 bucks in alterations to make it the way I wanted. I just think that is a little extreme.

I am soo sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need, don't make decisions now if you don't have to. My thoughts are with you. When you are ready something to take into consideration is how your family will react if you proceed with your plans. FH lost his mother in March and while we choose to proceed with our plans some of his family members are extremely unhappy with that choice. His brother(best man) has chosen not to come actually, he feels we are disrespecting his mother's memory by not postponing. Do what is right for both of you.

I said we need a family problem forum too! I just read your whole story and it is a tough one. I too have dealt with family problems from day one. Always FH's family and now mine too. The whole origin of marriage was about the bride and groom leaving their families to go out and start their own. I could talk on this subject for days...for me the most important thing is that FH stand up and defend me with his family. When the shoe was on the other foot I did the same. It made our relationship stronger. We have cut so many people out of our lives in the last year, it has been very hard but over all we are happier. Your idea about holidays and starting new traditions is soo important! We are doing the same. It seems with family if you go on and live your lives without them they get the hint. The more you let them affect you the more they keep doing what they are doing. Stay strong! We are always here for you. I like the idea of the "family" we chose for ourselves.

Ugh! I feel exactly the same way. I just think about how FH and I would jump a the chance to go to our friends/family's destination wedding no matter where it was. We don't have a ton of money or time off but hopefully you know far in advance and plan ahead. If you want to be at something you FIND A WAY! Of course some people can't travel for medical reasons, understood. But overall it's about what people make a priority. My 2 Aunt's just went to Russia for 2 weeks this summer and are not coming to Jamaica, simply put they don't want to come to Jamaica. Whatever! It isn't about everyone else. I have been to enough weddings to know people are never happy no matter where it is. A destination wedding gives them an easy out. For me people who don't come to our wedding are not going to rate well in my life in the future. On the flip side the people who are coming are extra special!

Hmmm...we met summer 2002, we started dating in Summer 2005, we got engaged in summer 2007 and we get married in Dec. 2008. So dating time is 2 years.

We have 24 family members and 19 friends. This was a shock considering we both come from huge family (45 people plus on each of our Dad's sides) and we are getting hardly any of them. FH's friends are almost all coming only 2 of mine

Thank you everyone! The "sand" in the centerpieces is brown sugar. The cookie cutter she used for the shell shaped fruit was in everyone's favor pails too along with a spice grater, measuring spoons and a luggage tag. We had about 40 ladies in total for all the younger ones who don't have homes (under 16) their pails were filled with tons of candy and they got the luggage tags too. The food was so yummy, brunch with ham, pasta, eggs, potaoes, pastry, bacon, chicken, shrimp, ect. Oh and cocktails, lots of cocktails!

Here are some "highlights of my shower. My girls went all out! The cake The centerpieces The tables w/favors (beach pails w/kitchen gadgets and luggage tags) Me and my bridesmaids Love my look?

Hi! We booked 12 nights in Tahiti/Bora Bora 3 months after our Negril wedding for our honeymoon. That is my dream trip!

Welcome Stacey! I am getting married Dec. 5th of this year in Negril! Good luck with your planning.

Wow! Awesome pics! Pics like that remind you why you wanted a destination wedding in the first place. Thanks for posting!

That looks so nice! Wish I was there right now. Love the color combos!

Hmm, I have the docking station and it is loud and a great sound quality. I am bringing it for the ceremony and first dance song. I think I will take it outside and test it this weekend though. (if it stops raining) I will keep everyone posted.

Thanks Erin! I think I am just starting to panic as we get closer. Got to relax! Your review has been really helpful!

Jacqueline, I ordered in the beginning of February and mine just came in the end of last week. Does your dress have a lot of beading or lace? Mine did not but being custom they said that is the normal time frame. Hope that helps.

We are doing Tahiti/Bora Bora 14 days in March. I read on the US Department of state website (travel.state.gov) the following about Fiji: SAFETY AND SECURITY: While a state of emergency is no longer in effect, some basic rights remain uncertain. The independence of Fiji’s law enforcement and judicial systems appears compromised, putting into question protections ordinarily afforded by the rule of law. The Department of State continues to warn U.S. citizens to carefully consider the risks of travel to the Republic of Fiji at this time. While Fiji’s country situation appears calm on the surface, political, economic, and security uncertainties continue. It is possible that the security situation, especially in Suva, could deteriorate rapidly. American citizens in Fiji should remain vigilant, particularly in public places and near military activities in the greater Suva area, and should avoid demonstrations and large crowds. Even demonstrations intended to be peaceful could turn confrontational and escalate into violence unexpectedly. For the latest security information, Americans traveling abroad should regularly monitor the Department of State, Bureau of Consular Affair’s web site at Welcome to Travel.State.Gov, where the current Travel Warnings and Travel Alerts, including the Worldwide Caution, can be found.

How is everyone doing with their planning? Time is flying now for us! When did everyone make their RSVP dates for?

Hi! I am doing 1 bag per couple except for singles. My favors are 1 per person. Total I think I spent about $20.00/bag. We are having over 40 people though.

Hi Erin! I have found your review very helpful. One question I have is were you quoted prices before hand through Debbie or the on site coordinators and were they what you actually paid? The reason I ask is Debbie just replied to one of my emails saying all price quotes are subject to change without notice. I have everything in writing but I don't want to be thrown a curve ball when I get there. Also did you have any off property guests?

Ok, I searched this whole thread so I think no one else has posted this. I am wondering if any one has a pre wedding beauty routine. I am 70 some days away. I have been going to the gym and eating healthy all year. Lost and kept 10lbs off and really toned my arms. Yesterday I started thinking about teeth whitening, nighttime moisturizing of problem spots, etc. I also have to use a rinse to cover up some grey hairs before the wedding. So does anyone have a time line? I want to cover all the bases, skin, body, teeth, hair, nails, eyebrows, waxes, ect.

Angel, it is beautiful! Love it!

LOL! I put will attend/will not attend too! My stationary lady said she would put reason: under will not attend, like who wouldn't want to go to a wedding in paradise? I would should have put will attend too afraid of anyhting different I agree about the sadness of the no's.