kevsgirl

Quote: Originally Posted by Ava My mum lives in Australia, and she doesn't have time to come over for a bit to help. We shop together online! We make a time for both of us to be on the phone together, and then I send her links through msn, we make decisions, and buy the stuff online together. Sure it's not the same as having your mum around, but it's still pretty close! My mom lives in Australia too! One of my sisters is there and the other one is there for a visit, so the three of them will be going BM dress shopping. If that doesn't work, my mom is going to sew them their dresses. She is also going to sew her own dress, so she has sent me pics and colours to discuss that. I think I may have to get her a bit more involved in terms of help too, so maybe I'll ask for some help with the OOT bags too. There may be some fun items she can find there (tropical type stuff). Great ideas!

Hey - congratulations! Those were fun pics too - it looks like you both had a great mini-moon and marriage!!!

Wow, Maura! You look just stunning in it! So beautiful and happy.

I agree with everyone. I found my dress - it was the 2nd one I tried on at the first salon and I tried on 20 others after it, but that was it. Kept coming back to it. Still haven't bought it, but I know it'll be there to order when I go back this week. Just DON'T go looking for another one!!! You don't want to become a 2 or 3 or 4 dress bride!!! Be happy, check it off the list and have fun picking your shoes and accessories because it's already in your closet!!!

Ok, so here it is. Just sent this email off to my manager. And it's sent, so please don't scare me by saying it's the wrong thing at this point! I'm already freaking out that I cc'd Mary on this email!!!! Judy, Mary requested a private meeting yesterday with me and we talked about the problems that we’ve experienced in our working relationship this past year. While we did not resolve our differences or how everything began, we did ‘agree to disagree’. We also agreed that we would both try to be more respectful toward one another from now on and to move forward towards a better working relationship for the good of the team. Andrea Then I sent a separate email to my manager alone that says this: Judy, I think you are coming in on the 28th and the 29th. I would really like to sit down and talk with you when you have a chance. I hope you’re having a great holiday! Andrea We are fairly informal at our work. I almost put a smiley, but didn't And now, in the words of my mother who is into Buddhism: I am goign to take the part of my brain currently obsessing over Mary and shrink it by 50% if possible! Oh and I'm looking into harassment in the workforce this weekend, reading up on it and in my 1:1 with Judy will talk about that and go to HR too and see their policies about it. It amazes me that she got me so good that I didn't see what everyone else has seen: that she really crushed me with that 'talk'. I never should have gone itno a room alone iwt her or sat down. I shouldn't have taken it and I really shouldn't be feeling bad about it. It was just one more way of her to harass me and keep me down. All I can think about is "well, we decided and agreed to not talk behind eachother's backs and act well". HA! She is just trying to keep me quiet. NOT GONNA WORK! My mom was asking about what she would hate me for/ what she would be jealous of or whatever be threatened by and I came up with a few things: - she's older than me and hates that she's getting old - I'm young and in love and getting married - she never had kids (says she hates them, but who knows) and we want to have them in the next few years - I was managing a new hire this week when the boss was out on vacation - I am very close to the boss and getting lots of recognition for my current hard work. So lots. Ha! Man, I cannot let her burst my bubble for this upcoming week. I was on fire lately and have been doing so well.

Ok, so I think I will try to write an email to my manager tonight just saying that this 'conversation' happened and we both agreed to try to move forward, but that I would like to talk to her (the manager) personally about the situation as I am still not comfortable with my working relationship with Mary and the 'conversation' was verging on harassment as well. That way nothing big is in the email, but the manager knows that I want to talk to her when she gets in on Monday and she'll make time for me to explain what happened. I bet as soon as she gets in Mary will be high-tailing it to her office. Then again, maybe she won't because maybe she hopes no one will hear about it? I don't know. Thanks Andrea for the kind words. I am still reeling from how mean people can be to a seemingly quite personable person (myself), but that's the way of the world.

Quote: Originally Posted by Hartyt509 This has just been posted on Sky news That is so sad It's a sweet article about him though. He sounds like he was a great guy. Quote: Originally Posted by Hartyt509 Oh and to make matters worse. Just had a call someone is telling everyone it was FI that was killed!!! OH NO!!! That's terrible!!!

Those are really great! It gives me some hope as I don't think (well I know) we can afford to pay more for photography at this point... but I was showing pics to FI last night of other people's TTD photos and he said "That looks fun!"

Thanks all of you! I am still really new to the workforce. FI said the same thing - that I should never have talked to her alone without someone else present. If she ever tries to talk to me again, I'll insist that my manager is there. So my problem is that my manager isn't in right now. Should i email her directly? I'm worried that the email could get into someone's hands that I don't want to see it... I don't know. I'm such a wimpe

Very cute, Morgan! I had missed all the ferret talk

These are beautiful! I'm kicking myself that Ididn't just do the same...

Jennifer - thanks so much for that explanation. I never understood the reasoning behind those kinds of rules, but that makes total sense! I think the problem is that it's not clear. Linda - could you explain this to your guests? maybe if they understood why there was that rule, and they did the math, they would see that not only is there barely any diff in price but also that your hands are tied by a reasonable rule? I know if someone explained it to me that would completely let me know that 1) if I want to go, i have to stay at EDR 2) if I wanted to stay somewhere else, I can't go to the wedding. Simple decision for me, if I want to be at the wedding!

That's really nice of you to do, Harty. It'll be tough though, especially getting through your recent loss Maybe it'll be good as a complete change of scene - you know, shake it all up a bit having to share. LOL! I know what you mean, it's so hard to share iwth someone when you've been on your own for ages. Hopefully he won't get in your way too much and he won't be there too often! I was just talking to FI about that last night - he said if it was family they could stay with us for as long as it takes to get them back on their feet. I said No Way! There's no way his brother could live with us for months! I'm a firm believer in short visits! Anyway, he has his mother too, so that's good

Quote: Originally Posted by NotYourAverageDW At this stage document. Document, document, document. I’ll try to start this up. The problem with this kind of harassment is that it’s all in how you perceive it. It’s not like she’s actively telling me off or telling me I’m stupid. It’s that she’s shooting me down or my ideas or being aggressive towards me. I’ll see what I can do… at least others have noticed and see it too. That helps. Quote: Originally Posted by NotYourAverageDW Just be honest....you can send the email the way your FI suggested, or you can modify it to say "This is what happened, I felt very intimidated and threatened… I think what I might do is send a fairly basic email, so that it can’t be used against me and as soon as my manager comes back (she’ll be in for 2 days on the 28th and 29th before going away again), I’ll tell her what actually happened privately. You know what’s really sad? We actually had a great course on “how to deal with aggressive personalities†etc. but only the people who are targets have problems came to it! Sucky. Quote: Originally Posted by Pug3636 I can totally understand your reaction of crying. That's something I would have done in the past. Since I have learned ways to deal with it differently. Sometimes the crying just happens because all of your emotions need to come out and your mind and body can't get together to get it done right. Don't feel badly about crying. Well that was totally it – it was like all the stress of the past few months really hit me. I’ve been doing the jobs of several people, we’ve been short-staffed, we’re all working blind really at this point because so many people have left, the upper management is being so dumb it’s not even funny. It’s been a bad situation for a while now. Quote: Originally Posted by Pug3636 Next time she's confronting you or you even have to deal with her remind yourself that she's is just a person too, and don't give your power and self control over to her. That has helped me "toughen up" if that's the right word for it. The more I think back to it the more angry I am that she came across as the “manager†and I just looked like this pathetic person under her. We’re colleagues. FI thinks she was doing this because I’ve actually been looking after a lot of the team since my manager has been away and she feels like she needs to be in control. Whatever…

Thanks so much for all your suggestions. I think that she really convinced me during our “talk†that it was both of our faults. But even our “talk†was her really being aggressive towards me. Luckily, our manager is super nice and loves me. She knows already about the situation and is on her guard for this kind of thing. Even if Mary contacts her first, she would never believe anything mean about me. So I’m kind of protected – same with everyone else in the workforce. I don’t think anyone would believe anything bad about me, so it’s not like she can go around trying to spread rumours about me. Well, she can try, but I don’t think anyone would believe her. Quote: Originally Posted by ErinB I agree that you should e-mail. If the previous supervisor know of the situation and said something at year end review, it should be in a personnel file somewhere. Unfortunately in the review it just says that I need to try to be more social and interact with everyone. Her perspective was that I was a target because I was sitting further away from the group (just the way the cubbies are set up) and if I was more “social†I would protect myself. I don’t think that this was good management, personally, but whatever. I think the minute her and the other 2 (all 3 of whom are gone) noticed they should have directly taken her to task. Quote: Originally Posted by ErinB You can post the email here before you send it so we can read as neutral observers and make comments/suggestions. I’ll definitely do that. I want to send it today. Maybe tonight. Quote: Originally Posted by ErinB Since you have agreed to disagree, you need to kill her with kindness, if people have already noticed, they will continue and she will only make herself look bad. What really ticks me off here is that I thought I was ALREADY killing her with kindness and trying to put it all behind me. Quote: Originally Posted by ErinB I guarantee that BDW can go bridezilla on her ass and she won't know what hit her. Sweet! And I’ve got Harty on my side too, so I know she’s going down! LOL!

Alyssa those were super cute! Harty - I'm so sorry about your friend. That's just so unfair and sad Nothing will make the situation go away or feel ok, but some things might make you feel better - like letting your dogs climb all over you and love you. When things suck, all I do is sit down on the floor whereve I am and Cub comes and covers me in kisses. Here's another good clip for you: Rottie love

Quote: Originally Posted by Tara 1) I am extremely concerned that she will say something inappropriate to one of our guests or staff at the resort. My fi barely tolerates her now and I am afraid that if she misbehaves at our wedding that he will snap and I do not want to take sides. 2) She tends to be very abrasive and physical when she has been drinking and I am worried of a confrontation (with anyone). 3) As much as she picks on me for gaining weight, she has gained quite a bit herself (beer gut) and insists on wearing these awful bikinis. Is there a way to tactfully tell her that I can help her find a more flattering swim suit or that her current apparel just ain't right? I find it odd that the one thing that really jumped out at me was that she is hurtful to YOU and this isn't one of your 3 problems! I think that that is the most important issue that should swing how you deal with this situation. Whether she acts weirdly to other guests (you can't do much about that), confrontation (a resort worker will deal with), bikini (who cares? it's her body!). What really matters is that it's your wedding and you're the bride and damnit you should NOT be feeling like crap on your wedding! You should feel beautiful and wonderful. Anyone who is putting you down should not be there. Good luck - maybe she won't come. Maybe you should try to express those concerns to her.

*Warning: this is very long and rambling. Also, if you're not a sensitive type you probably won't get how I reacted. Then again, I'm sure some of you will totally relate* What a day. There's a girl at work, "Mary", who seriously has been so difficult since back in February. I mean the girl hates me and I don't know why. It started suddenly one day - she wouldn't make eye contact with me and then started being an uber bitch whenever she was around me. People noticed, but no one said anything. It got to the point where I wanted to just quit and never walk in the door again. It was seriously bad. Finally I told my supervisor that I didn't know how to deal anymore, but I didn' twant to confront her. Supervisor says to me at year-end review that she knew about it and so did 2 other girls - all three of them decided together that whenever Mary said anything negative about me in front of them, they'd not react or leave. They didn't want to confront her either (she's scary!) This upset me to know that all along they'd known and I wasn't crazy. It was totally something directed at me. Fast-forward a couple of months: our team has totally changed because a lot of the workers have moved on or changed areas. So Mary no longer has her posse and is feeling a bit alienated. Now the new people like me a lot and she's the one who has no one. So things have been calmer. I've been trying to just deal and for a long time I'd kept my head down and tried not to aggravate her. Tried to be really helpful and nice. Recently I'd even felt that things were so much better I'd try to look at her and say hi. Suddenly this morning I run into her in the hall and decide to make an effort to look at her and smile and say hi. She suddenly pulls me into a room and says that "we've got to talk". She starts out by chewing me out about saying something to a friend ealrier on about how this temp girl had not used my template in her work and now I'm going through them all and having to fix them - I was stressed and I didn't say she was a terrible person, but I probably shouldn't have complained about her when she couldn't stand up for herself). Mary goes overboard though. I counter with saying that she herself has bitched about people out loud several times where it was totally rude. I give examples. She shrugs them off. Then she segways into "Things have gotten totally out of control" between us and she wants to know what the hell is going on. Apparently 4 girls last week from another section came to her and told her, separately, that she supposedly hates me. Or that they thought that or had been told that. She asks me why? I say I don't know. She thinks it's because we've been playing off eachother and I've been talking about her behind her back. Hmmmm maybe it's because people actually see that she's a total bitch towards me and then they talk about it and the gossip turns to fact? One of the newer girls actually asked me yesterday if something was up between me and Mary because she had noticed a few weeks back at a meeting M really shot me down in front of everyone and that it was really obvious... Back to the conversation. So she's going on about why did this happen, this has to stop, etc. I start bawling. It's like the one person I dont' want to cry in front of, but I hate confrontation. To be fair, she was shaking from anger at one point, but she sits there not moving, smiling and talking. I begin to actually sob I'm so stressed out. I hate this reaction to stress and confrontation. It sucks I try to say to her that I don't know why it all started. That one day I came in and she was mean to me (would not make eye contact, was very rude, began having this very evil face whenever I was around, it totallymessed with me!) and I didn't understand. I tell her that I've heard that she talked badly about me behind my back from some girls. She completely denies it. We're at an impass. Agree to disagree. Decide that we'll try to move forward and from now on if anything is weird, approach eachother directly. Fair enough. I'm still pissed. She didn't take much responsibility at all. FI thinks she is trying to cover her ass because she knows it's going to get back to management (our manager is on vacation right now). He thinks this was a power play on her part. The worst was at the end, she walks out leaving me sobbing and I try to compose myself for a few minutes. Finally making a break for the washroom I bump into a good friend co-worker who sees me and immediately steers me into a meeting room. It took 45 mins of chatting about other stuff after telling her the conversation in detail for me to calm down enough to get lunch. This friend knows the whole story as she had been the brunt of M's wrath for a few short days a few months ago. Nonetheless, when I told her about the convo, I was very careful to spin it in a very positive light, saying nothing bad about M. Because at this point this friend talks to Mary and has somewhat repaired their relationship. Now FI says I should tell my manager that this has happened in very neutral tone, and CC Mary on the email. The email should say that we chatted about our "differences" and agreed to disagree, but that we are moving forward and will be making every effort to act respectfully toward one another from now on. I'm scared to send this email b/c then Mary will know that I had already raised this with my manager. But the thing is that before the three other girls left, one of them was my superior and she had told my manager of the situation, so really what it comes down to is that everyone knows that she's being mean to me!!! What a nightmare. Makes me want to quit and not go back on Monday I don't know what to do. I hate this kind of problem. I can't deal at all I need some advice. What would you all do?

Nikki - I love your colour combination. It's really classy! And different too. Kristy - I'm really starting to lean more towards your type of lime/pink combo. It's so bright and cheery I love black/hot pink too though... The more I look, the more I'm becoming indecisive! This is very very lime-y: What if these flowers were with hot pink BM dresses?

I like 7 best right now, but it might be because that's kind of trendy in a way right now... I like 2 best for "classic" factor and 1 best for the cute colour combos. I think 2 is safest. What are you going to get? Have you decided yet?

What a day. There's a girl at work, Mary, who seriously has been so difficult since back in February. I mean the girl hates me and I don't know why. It started suddenly one day - she wouldn't make eye contact with me and then started being an uber bitch whenever she was around me. People noticed, but no one said anything. It got to the point where I wanted to just quit and never walk in the door again. It was seriously bad. Finally I told my supervisor that I didn't know how to deal anymore, but I didn' twant to confront her. Supervisor says to me at year-end review that she knew about it and so did 2 other girls - all three of them decided together that whenever Mary said anything negative about me in front of them, they'd not react or leave. They didn't want to confront her either (she's scary!) This upset me to know that all along they'd known and I wasn't crazy. It was totally something directed at me. Fast-forward a couple of months: our team has totally changed because a lot of the workers have moved on or changed areas. So Mary no longer has her posse and is feeling a bit alienated. Now the new people like me a lot and she's the one who has no one. So things have been calmer. I've been trying to just deal and for a long time I'd kept my head down and tried not to aggravate her. Tried to be really helpful and nice. Recently I'd even felt that things were so much better I'd try to look at her and say hi. Suddenly this morning she pulls me into a room and says that "we've got to talk". Things have gotten totally out of control and she wants to know what the hell is going on. Apparently 4 girls last week from another section came to her and told her, separately, that she supposedly hates me. Or that they thought that or had been told that. She asks me why? I say I don't know. She thinks it's because we've been playing off eachother and I've been talking about her behind her back. Hmmmm maybe it's because people actually see that she's a total bitch towards me and then they talk about it and the gossip turns to fact? One of the newer girls actually asked me yesterday if something was up between me and Mary because she had noticed a few weeks back at a meeting M really shot me down in front of everyone and that it was really obvious... Back to the conversation. So she's going on about why did this happen, this has to stop, etc. I start bawling. It's like the one person I dont' want to cry in front of, but I hate confrontation. To be fair, she was shaking from anger at one point, but she sits there not moving, smiling and talking. I begin to actually sob I'm so stressed out. I hate this reaction to stress and confrontation. It sucks I try to say to her that I don't know why it all started. That one day I came in and she was mean to me and I didn't understand. I tell her that I've heard that she talked badly about me behind my back from some girls. She completely denies it. We're at an impass. Agree to disagree. Decide that we'll try to move forward and from now on if anything is weird, approach eachother directly. Fair enough. I'm still pissed. She didn't take much responsibility at all. FI thinks she is trying to cover her ass because she knows it's going to get back to management (our manager is on vacation right now). He thinks this was a power play on her part. The worst was at the end, she walks out leaving me sobbing and I try to compose myself for a few minutes. Finally making a break for the washroom I bump into a good friend co-worker who sees me and immediately steers me into a meeting room. It took 45 mins of chatting about other stuff after telling her the conversation in detail for me to calm down enough to get lunch. She knew what had been going on as she had been the brunt of M's wrath for a few short days a few months ago. Nonetheless, when I told her about the convo, I was very careful to spin it in a very positive light, saying nothing bad about M. Now FI says I should tell my manager that this has happened in very neutral tone, and CC Mary on the email. The email should say that we chatted about our "differences" and agreed to disagree, but that we are moving forward and will be making every effort to act respectfully toward one another from now on. I'm scared to send this email b/c then Mary will know that I had already raised this with my manager. But the thing is that before the three other girls left, one of them was my superior and she had told my manager of the situation, so really what it comes down to is that everyone knows that it's her!!! What a nightmare. Makes me want to quit and not go back on Monday I don't know what to do. I hate this kind of problem. I can't deal at all I need some advice

The Blue Cactus Bar & Grill seems like it would be great for a cocktail reception. They do parties of up to 250 people. (Please contact Laura at 613-241-7061 for additional information) Or you can reserve their Mezzanine (up to 100 people)

I know that a few restaurants downtown have 'party' rooms that aren't that obvious. You have to basically ask around. What about Kinki? Their website says that they have capacity for up to 120 people upstairs. Their menu is cool too. I don't know what your budget is.

Beautiful stuff! You look so great in your dress too - so happy! Where did you get your name card holders? Not long to go now!

Happy Wedding Day, Martha!! Hope it goes really well and you have a wonderful time. You will make a beautiful bride!