Dez921714

Wow! I wonder if it has something to do with the shops...unless because I'm already a plus size girl, they don't need to get me into a plus size to charge more.... I'm a large girl, I got my dress and all my BM dresses at Macy's Bridal Salon. They measured me and my dress is the exact same size as the clothes I wear. It might have to do with my proportions too (I don't have a huge chest). My sister and other BM's were pretty much on target with the sizes they wear too (did need to go up a size or two for the chests, but they ALWAYS have that problem).

They look great! I think the family picture is adorable

Wow! Abbie, everything looks great!!!!!

Wow! You guys are a hot couple! I can't wait to see the pro pics! Congrats

FI's mom picked "My Wish" by Rascel Flatts

Hi all. Sorry I didn't get a chance to get on here, but I wanted to update you. I came home Sat morning, got myself and the dogs unpacked adn then FI and I went to breakfast. Then we came home and he was looking up Fios online to see what we'll get when it's installed and stuff. He also sent an inquiry to a company to get an estimate on decking the rest of our back yard. I went to work and ended up working 2-11 insead of 2-6, but it's good since I missed a shift Thursday. I called him on my break and told him I was having a chocolate bar for dinner since I left all my cards and cash home. He said he was running out to get s omething for dinner (probably fast food) and he'd make me come home to find dinner, he'd cook something from the freezer. When I got home he was grilling chicken, had he table in the yard dried off with candles and wine glasses (mind you, this is at 11pm). I ask him "what's all this for?" his answer is "you know what it's for". I know he has a hard time saying "I'm sorry" and that's his way. Dinner was good. Yesterday he got up and went fishing with his dad. I suggested we go to my parents for dinner, but he didn't like that idea. I asked if he's ever going to go back there and he said yes but not right now. Apparently he's embarassed and stuff...you don't get embarassed if you honestly don't t hink you've done anything wrong. So he went fishing and I went to my parents for a little while since my sister left to go to Greece yesterday. We both get home around 3 and he asks me how to access our registry on bed bath and beyond. So I tell him what to do and give him the password and he asks if it's ok to add some stuff and he wants my opinions on it. So we add some things like a mysting fan and a cooler and some other stuff for the back yard. And he tells me he figures a three month windo to have the deck built. I don't think this is a normal way for a man to act when two days ago he wanted out.... I know he's afraid of turning into his father. Wheather he'll admit it or not, he was upset I left. At breakfast on Saturday, his eyes were all red and puffy. It was the first time in the 4 years we've been togther that I left. And I think it really bothered him that I took the dogs and all their stuff. I told him I left because he wanted space. He claimed to not have said that and I explained that one week telling me he feels traped and the next week screaming that he wants nothing to do with me, the dogs and the house all but says he needs space. He agreeded. He doesn't know I told his sister. A few weeks ago we were all talking and she was saying how they fight in their family. They scream and yell and say what they need to say (even if it's mean) and then a little while later they're fine. I looked at her and told her that that's not normal and it's not ok, you need to think about what you say as most people don't just get over things. She said she knows and her husband says the same thing. But if they grew up watching their parents fight like that, then it is understandable that they fight like that. I am still going to call the therapist for me. And I think I am going to tell FI that if he ever say he wants out again, not to expect me to come back, so to think before he talks. Thanks for all your support! I really do apprecite it!!!

Glad he got a good package...hopefully, he'll actually get paid. It sounds like FIL has more than a few screws loose...

I agree! I like #3 the best, but they all are pretty!!!

Quote: Originally Posted by Maura alright before you read my responses, know this is coming from a place of care and experience. you NEED to do what is best for YOU. first, where the fuck else were you supposed to go? you share a home with him, he blew up at you telling he "cant live like this anymore" with you, with the dogs, etc etc. your parents are the people you should always be able to lean on through tough points in your life. your parents (if you end up marrying him) are going to be his in-laws. they are going to be all up in your business and know almost everything there is to know about your relationship because that is how in-laws are. of course he doesnt like splitting up the house chores -- he doesnt want to do ANY and expects YOU to do them ALL! of course he doesnt like the idea of therapy - because then he would have to actually face his problems! you didnt drag other people into the situation - he verbally forced you out of your home (whether or not either of you realizes it) by creating a hostile emotional environment. he's upset because you took the dogs? wtf, didnt he just say the other day he hates the dogs and theyre too much and he can't live with them make up your fucking mind!!!! the router? seriously? mad about that? that just shows how totally ridiculous he is being. if he wants internet that bad, plug the fucking computer into the wall for christ's sake. sure, he pays the mortgage, but SO DO YOU. he is being incredibly manipulative telling you to "come home if you want to and not to if you dont want to" - are you not seeing how poorly this man is treating you? do you not recognize that he is manipulating you - making it look like it is YOUR choice and YOUR fault if you dont come home, just so he can blame you for the demise of your relationship, should it ultimately fail? yes, i'm sorry to say so, but i think you are absolutely prolonging the inevitable. if this is how he treats you as his fiancee, how do you think he is going to treat you as his wife for the rest of your life? getting married is not going to instantaneously solve all his issues and the problems in your relationship. if anything its going to magnify them - when you are married, are you going to just leave and go to your parents everytime you guys have a fight like this? is that what you really want for yourself? you deserve love & respect from a relationship that is going to result in marriage, and you, dear, are getting neither of those things right now. DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT answer his phone calls for a couple days. EVEN MORE, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES CALL HIM. he is an asshole - "stay away as long as you want, I'll just get more comfy here by myself" are you FUCKING kidding? did you read that over as you typed it, because if you did, surely you realized how sick and fucked up that is for him to say. please know that if you cancel your wedding, your friends and family who have already booked WILL UNDERSTAND. they want more for you than to be emotionally abused in a marriage, they love you and want what is best for you. and so do all your friends here - honey, you really need to open your eyes in this situation. you have tried everything rational that there is (talking calmly with him, suggesting divvying up household responsibilities, suggesting therapy, etc) and he has refused to take part in any of those things. he is thereby refusing to take part in a PARTNERSHIP. a marriage is a partnership. is this the kind of partner you want for the rest of your life? I do agree with everything you've said. And I do see how he's treating me. And I know that if I was ANY of my friends I'd be telling them to get the hell out now. Which I am seriously considering and the reson I'm going to talk to a therapist. He has a lot of issues stemming from when he was a kid. I know it doesn't make things right or ok, but that's why he can't understand how I'd run to my overbearing nosey parents. Because his family isn't supportive the same way mine is. Before I left my parents made it VERY clear that I am welcome there anytime, dogs and all. My friend in PA also told us we have a standing open invitation and even told me where her spare key is.

Ok. I know everyone said "stay away" but of course I didn't listen. I came back this morning. FI was here sleeping on the couch and I asked him straight out if this is happening because he doesn't want to get married or he doesn't want to marry me. He said no, that's not the case. So I made a list of every room in the house and every chore that needs to be done. I assigned them to both of us. Probably a little more to me, but I am home more often. I told him to give me a week or two to get my chores in order. I asked him if he wants to look over the list, he said "not right now" he's still sleeping. On a side note, the girls are glad to be home, but I don't think either one of them went up to him... I know you probably think I'm dumb for coming back and I probably am. I am going to call a therapist/social worker Monday. I don't have insurance, but he works on a sliding scale with your income if you don't have insurance or he doesn't take it. And really, I think I could use it, so I don't mind spending the money.

That dress looks georgous on you! and what a find!!! Congrats

Ok. I won't answer his calls or call him back (I actually called him the second time). I just hate fighting and not talking. He was like "stay away as long as you want, I'll just get more and more comfy here by myself". The thing is, I don't want to be away and having the dogs at my parents is a HUGE hassell... Why the F couldn't he have these issues BEFORE he asked me to marry him - or in the year and a half we've been engaged. He has to wait until 6 months before our wedding to "not want to live like this anymore".

I just got off teh phone with him. We went around in circles about a lot of stuff. I suggested a few times that we sit down and make a list of house chores together and split them up. He didn't like this idea, he doesn't like the idea of therapy, he's upset because I had to go and "drag" other people in (and my mom can be nosey). He's upset because I took the dogs, and the router. He doesn't know when he said he needed space...so I explained that saying he felt "trapped" last week and the last night telling me he wants nothing to do with me, the dogs, the house is all but saying you need space. He said he came home last night because he pays the mortgage too, so why should he have to go sleep at someone elses house. He basically told me to come home if I want to and not to if I don't want to. Am I just prolonging the inevadable?

Just had a really bad phone call and he's livid that I'm at my parents because now they know and are "involved"

I just got a phone call from him...I guess he JUST got home and wanted to know where the dogs were. He wanted to make sure they're safe - of course they're safe! Then insinuated that I probably thing they weren't safe there. I just told him that he made it totally clear how he felt about me and them so I figured I'd give him some time apart to figure out what he wants. He was short with me on the phone and made sure I knew he was just called because he was concerned about the dogs, since he got home and there was no dog, no crate, no food. What does he thing, they packed up and went on a fishing trip?! Give me a break!

Quote: Originally Posted by Kat81 I agree. I think you two really need to talk now that you are both calmed down some. You need to decide where this is all going and what steps need to be taken to get it there. If you have friends and family still booking this trip to your wedding. You both need to decide if there is even a chance this wedding is still going to happen. Try to stay strong and remember you have like 500 girls on here for support. LOL 500 girls for support I love it. My mom told me to change the locks, but I thought it would have more of an affect on him if he came home to an empty house. When we fight and he leaves, I'm usually the one to call him and ask him to come home or make nice. I'm gonna chill for a day or two adn see if I hear from him. My mom thinks she saw the car drive by, but that could just be her looking for it... I'll definately keep you updated, thanks for all the support!!!!

So far it's a bit of a nightmare...dogs want to eat the cat! On the bright side, FI wasn't home when I got there. So I was able to pack up some of my clothes, the dogs, the crate, their food and my wireless router (LOL) and come here. My dad is afraid of the dogs (mostly Vera) so I promised they'd stay downstairs...well, Daisy is afraid of the basement, I don't know why, it's a finished basement, but maybe the steps are too steep for her. Anyway, I couldn't bribe her to go down them, so I set her crate up in my moms office (it's gonna smell like cedar chips and dog LOL) and put Vera and her pillow downstairs. I plan to take them for a long walk a little later. I did get a text message from FI asking how my dad is. (bad infection in his tooth, mom took him to the hospital yesterday) and I responded with "fine" I don't know if he's home yet or not. While all of this is going on, I have a friend texting me asking me wedding/resort related questions...I answered the questions and I wanted to be like "don't book just yet" but I didn't.

OK, so I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not, but I need to do something for him to get the idea that this is no OK and I am not a doormat. I'm at my parents right now. Although my dad isn't crazy about the two dogs (he's afraid of them) he left it up to my mom. My mom and I cleared out half of the basement where I'll put my blowup mattress. I promised to take the girls for long walks 3-4 times a day to tire them out and basically keep them in the basement...they'll be allowed in the yard, on a lead, if I'm in the yard (they can get out from the yard). My parents have 2 cats and will be dog sitting for my sister for 2 weeks, so this is going to be interesting. So, I'm heading home to get my clothes, mattress and dogs...considering he missed the dogs when we were away from them for 3 days, lets see how he does without them or me for a week or 2. I'll let you know how it goes, especially if he's home when I get there.

Wow! That's crazy!

I hate people...all of them LOL

For the record...I work 2 jobs, do the laundry, mow the lawn, do the dishes, cook most nights, vacuum, take care of the dogs. He works as a mechanic...comes home and naps...He has a "physical" job But I'm the one who isn't doing enough. I think I've had enough! I'm going to look into a therapist for myself. I need to take care of myself and my dogs. He's a big boy, he'll figure things out for himself, even if it's too late when he does.

I asked him last week to go to counseling with me...he said "I just got out of therapy, I don't want to go back". Before we went away for the weekend I straightend up the house...he got annoyed because he felt like I was only cleaning because of the argument and he flelt like I was walking on egg shells around him. I was cleaning because it needed to be cleaned and he was right about the egg shells, because no matter what I say, it's wrong. When we got home from the weekend he looked around and was like "your sister must have straighted up for us" (she was dogsitting). I explained that she didn't and I did it before we left. He didn't believe me at first, said he didn't notice. No matter what I do it isn't enough. I work from home, he won't be satisfied unless I put 90% effort into cleaning the house and 10% into work. He doesn't get that just because I'm home doesn't mean I'm doing nothing. He actually just got home, went straight upstairs...probably thought I went to the second job tonight (called out sick).

I love your picutes! You look absolutely beautiful and everything looks like it turned out great! Congratulations

OMG LOL Thanks for the giggle

Quote: Originally Posted by SoontobeMrsE Dez, How are things going? I didn't realize so much was going on. Was this before or after this past weekend at the wine tasting? This happened today, a couple of hours ago. I called his sister to ask for a therapist reference and I told her what happened (probably shouldn't have because it's his sister, but whatever). She even said that this is rediculous and he's upset with the situation with his fater but he's taking it out on the wrong person. I told her about his pills (only taking half) and that he stoped seeing his therapist. I told her that I love her and her family and I love him but I can't keep dealing with this and I deserve better. She's going to call me back when she's out of class. I also just spoke to my friend who lives in PA, she told me to put the dogs in the car and come spend the weekend with her...but they have cats (my dogs like to chase cats) and no fence on the back yard, so it'd be more stress than I can handle. At least being home with them is easy. Who knows what I'll decide at 1AM though LOL