I'm sorry about the situation--- sounds super frustrating...
I am not having a a bridal party--everyone that is going would basically be my bridal party- so we are just trying to include the guests in photos, etc.. We are only have about 20 guests.... My sister, sister-in-law, and mom are giving me a shower- with all my relatives that couldn't afford to go (it's not worded like that- but basically how it turned out!).... My girlfriends that live in the same city as me-- they are coming to the wedding, so I certainly don't want any of them to throw me a shower/buy a gift when they are paying over a grand to come to the wedding!
We live within driving distance from a beach -so I am thinking I will try to plan and pay for a Friday and Saturday night at a condo for all the girls that are coming to the wedding as a sorda "bachorlette" weekend....