These are the signs that apply to me these days:
25. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
23. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
22. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
11. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
10. You take naps.
8. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
7. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.
6. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
2. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "What the hell happened?"