oh Glenda, I just sent all my wedding stuff to my mom's house, you totally could have used one of my dresses, do you want a wedding dress? If you do I will have her mail it to you.
As for the wedding stuff. I don't think you need to have both a luncheon and something at James' parent house unless you make it simple. Also if you want to invite more people then you should do something simple at the in-laws house, but the rentals will cost a ton so see if there is anyway to avoid doing a bunch of rentals.
A cocktail party sounds perfect, why do you need to feed everyone? Why can't you go to the mexican rest. with immediate family (parents and siblings type people-I know this will still be a lot of people but 90 people is a lot to pay for a lunch at a rest.)
I will have to think of some other ideas, but my gf who did a backyard wedding spent more than I did on my wedding (double what I did) because of the rentals, so be really careful on that one...oh and are you stuck on that particular rest. it seems super expensive, and we did the "canned" music in our church ceremony and no one seemed to notice or care.