I can understand you wanting to change things around a bit. We wound up choosing a location that was really close to our family (we are from the west coast), Napa was a good compromise for us, we still had lots of people stay in a hotel with us and had the DW feeling, we did a few events with them, wine tour, big welcome dinner, pool and spa party, plus the wedding day.
It is possible to still have all of what you want but do it a little closer to home.
Weddings are a time that brings everyone in a family together and maybe that's just what your family needs right now, so why not find a great cool location and still do a small intimate family thing...either way we are here for you!