Are you registering if you're having a DW?

[starrysim]

I'm not sure how to handle the topic of gifts for our wedding. My fiance has a large family, but not many people will be coming to our actual wedding in Jamaica. We're not planning to do an AHR (I'm not planning on it at all, but we might have to do something small if our parents insist on it later). We're pretty much telling people who ask that we're not expecting gifts, since they're going to be paying for their vacation to attend our wedding. I realize that some people will want to give a gift anyway. In general, what are you guys doing? Would it be in bad taste to register, or should we do it because people will be expecting it? I will have a shower - maybe we should register for that? I just don't want it to look like we're expecting gifts, either from people who are coming, or people who aren't.

[beachesSB1412]

I have struggled with this same subject.  Some friends have suggested a gift card shower or registry but that seems slightly tacky to me.....as you are essentially just asking them to hand over money.

My TA though is going to set me up a small website that will include a registry for things related to our weddingmoon.  I think this is great.  People can purchase spa services for us, recreational trips, flowers or champagne to the room, candelight dinner, etc; when in all actuality the company that supports the "website" sends us a check just before departure for 1/2 the funds accumulated for us to spend how we like on our trip and then when we get home the other 1/2 of the money is sent to us (nice!!  post relief funds - lol).  I am sure there are sites that you can google if you dont have a TA or maybe your resort has something similar.

I will probably do a small registry at Target or Bed Bath & Beyond for the ole traditionalists.

[starrysim]

Hmmm interesting, I've never heard of that.  As I was reading, I was thinking "wow, that's a lot of frivolous things to spend money on, flowers to the room and champagne."  But getting the cash sounds a lot more practical.  However, I'm not sure I like the idea of people thinking they're getting us an actual "thing" when they're not.  What if they ask how the massage was? lol  But I can see how this might be nice for a destination wedding, I'll think about it. thanks

[mmcst38]

I don't think registering implies you are asking for gifts, if anything people are grateful that when you register it takes the guess work out of what to get you and they don't have to worry if you will like it or thaat you might end up with 12 blenders! I was really up in the air about a shower/registering....a wise friend pointed out to me, if people don't want to get you something they won't but most people really wanted to because they can't make it to the wedding, it makes them feel they were apart of it at least a little bit, anyway to each their own, good luck!

[82turtles]

I've been wondering and debating about the same thing. I think I'll register at a store (Target and/or Bed Bath & Beyond) since I'll be having a shower or two, but am also thinking about registering at this neat site I read about on another BDW forum thread. It's called UponOurStar.com, and it's more about listing out your goals and wishes, and then guests purchase pieces of that. Then after your wedding they deposit the funds people gave into your bank account. I liked that idea a lot because we don't need a lot of "stuff".. been living together for a while and really don't need much of the traditional type gifts. I thought it would be a nice alternative registry options without just asking for cash! Haven't signed up yet, but thought I'd pass that along if you were looking for something a little different!

[JayKay]

I to was debating what to do with regards to a registry. We hadn't planned on doing one, as we aren't expecting gifts.  We have family members who already are asking where we are registered.  We explained to them we don't want gifts but they are insisting.  I think we will register for a few things, then if anyone feels the need to get gift then they can.  We won't be telling anyone we are registered unless they ask and we will tell our parents so they can pass along the message to people who ask them as well.

[kim0806]

We struggled with this and finally set up a small registry this weekend.  We really don't want our guests to get us gifts- their presence is enough...but after finding out that my mom is planning to throw me a shower and a lot of people asking and saying 'you are getting a gift from us whether or register or not!', we decided it was best.  We aren't going to put any info about our registry on our website though, it will just be a word of mouth deal for people who ask about it.  Tough call for sure!!

[muzikgrrl]

We already have a house and most of the stuff that comes with it so I really didn't want to set up a registry however I have been asked by a few people where we are registered.  The only problem is our guests are based in 3 countries, so we are trying to figure out what to do.  I like the idea of the sites where people deposit money to go towards your honeymoon or other things however I don't like the idea that the websites take a cut of the cash.  I guess we'll pick the one with the lowest fee's.

[heidilynn28]

Wow, glad to know you're all in the same boat as me (us).

I had an aunt email me just the other day asking if we were registered somewhere and we're not.. so I had to write back and say that we didn't register anywhere because we didn't think we'd be receiving many wedding gifts since it's a destination wedding. I kindly wrote her that giving us a gift was up to her but not necessary and that money was always appreciated. FI and I have been living together almost 7 years and we don't need anything .. maybe some new decorations but guests can't buy that!!

My bridesmaids are throwing me a shower at some point and I've pretty well made it clear that if someone is giving a gift, that money would be more appropriate since it'll help us out regardless. It's such a hot topic I sometimes don't know how to react!

 

 

[Peach]

Just thought I would throw my two cents in. It REALLY depends on the friends and families, but through University I worked in a small kitchen/home store where we took registries. There was not a single person who came in there who was bothered by someone doing a registry; in fact, a lot of people came to buy gifts WISHING someone had set up a registry. That included DW brides! Truth is, some people are going to buy no matter what; maybe spread the word it is not expected, but create a small registry for those people who you know are going to insist, and if people ask and do insist, they can be directed there. I figure I will just keep the items pretty low-cost. We had a lot of, say, great-aunts or something in the store who just HAD to send a gift to someone they hadn't seen since she was 5. They would get frustrated because they wouldn't know much about her at all, but still feel they had to send something. Even if they don't get something off the list, at least they get a picture of what you like. I can see some getting bothered by that, but I think that number would be reasonably few.

Just my opinion though; like I said (in my rambling way), it really depends.