I think we are calling off the wedding! :(

This year has been the worst year of my life while it was suppose to be the happiest. I hope this post makes sense. I'm just very emotional right now.

My FI is in real estate and went from 6 figures to nothing this past 6 months. I might be exaggerating the nothing part but the money is just not there. I'm a flight attendant and have been for 12 years now. Ever since I met my FI I've pretty much just stayed home because for the first time in my life I want to stay home.-with him. I dealt with personal illness all year long. It just seems like if it's not one thing it's another. Most recently was last week I was admitted in the hospital with severe abdominal pain. Turns out I had cyst on my ovaries that ruptured or something like that? I'm all better now.

Meanwhile on top of the job thing FI had major surgery at the end of August. Several days later his Dad passed away. The day of the funeral FSMIL tells him that his dad wanted nothing to do with him. Talk about kicking someone when they are already down!!!

On top of all of this there's the wedding planning. I hired a wedding planner in Puerto Rico to handle the major things out there. I took it upon myself to "help" our guests traveling from San Antonio to PR with their airline tickets and accommodations. I called,email,text our guests because of deadlines for our 'group' rates. The airline tickets were done a couple of months ago and the room deposits were do yesterday. Even though I was in the hospital, as soon as I was released I was back on my laptop sending out reminders that this needed to be paid Monday. I didn't hear back from 1 person!! I know the economy is bad but if you can't pay $50.00 deposit for a week stay in Puerto Rico then how the f*ck are you going to pay for food,etc.. on your trip?

This all just got us to thinking about the entire wedding.

At first my thoughts were if people can't afford to come & they back out, then who cares? BUT we have agreed to a minimum consumption (just food & drinks) at $10,000. We never thought twice about this because we went WAY over that with our # of guests. What worries us is if only our immediate family attends (15 of us) we are still stuck paying $10,000 for food & drinks. That does not include flowers,cake,entertainment,photography,blah,blah,b lah.....

Trying to please my mom,my dad & stepmom,FI mom-I want to yank my hair out!!!

The stress is too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FI and I have been through soooo much...

 

I'm so confused. We haven't announced anything yet. Just talking out loud..

I'm sorry for the rant! I just had to vent!!!!!!!

 

I know things happen for a reason. I've never doubted our love for each other but WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??

First of all, I want to say that you and your FI are blessed to be able to be so strong and stick with each other through hardship. It sounds like you have an amazing guy. Some people might disagree, but I think you should have your wedding anyway. Forget about the people who are trying to bring you down. You have a man who loves you and wants to share his life with you so why should other people wreck that for you. Years from now you wont remember the flowers and drama, you will remember the fact that you got married to him. If money is the problem, look at your budget and find ways to make it happen. Forget about the people who dont want to support you because your FI will. I have wanted to call off the wedding because of stress as well. But once I thought about it I know that I just needed to adjust our wedding plans so that it was about us and not about everyone else. Their presence is just an added bonus.

wow girl, you have had a crazy year! i'm so sorry for all your bad times i wish there was something more comforting i could think of to say. i guess when you feel like you've hit bottom, there is no way to go but up, so look forward to happier more positive events happening. and remind yourself that the $$ you are seeing, its just money! remember to be happy and thankful that you both have come thru with good health now and that you still have your love for each other to get you thru

 

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

It really sounds like you've had one stressful year. I don't have any words of wisdom except to tell you that it will get better. I wish I could tell you when, but unfortunately, I can't. I also wish that you knew the reason that all of this was happening. Maybe its to show you that you & FI are stronger than you ever imagined. Regardless, know that everything happens for a reason.

One thing that does come across is how much you & FI love each other. You said that you're trying to please soo many people. Well, now seems like a good time to concentrate on yourself.

Instead of calling the wedding off, is it possible that you could reorganize? If you think that you're going to have less guests than you originally expected, can you change your package? Then maybe you can reorganize things to accomodate a smaller group & not have to have the $10,000 consumption?

Have you even considered going with a different resort, thats less expensive? I'm sure you probably have the resort of your dreams, but I'm trying to think of anything that would prevent you from calling the wedding off altogether, especially if thats not what you want.

My last suggestion would be to elope. Forget about all the stress & your guests who can't put down deposits in a timeful manner, and forget about pleasing everyone else! Run off, just you & FI, together and get married!

Whatever you do, I do hope that it all works out.

I'm sorry Sam. You and your fi have to decide what is best for you. Dont worry about making your mom happy, fmil, stepmom, etc. that's too much for any person and you'll only stress yourself out more. And you poor thing trying to help everyone with travel arrangements, that is way too much for you to deal with. And what fsmil said was WAY effed up and out of line. What a hurtful woman. Can you cancel the $10,000 minimum and do something smaller or hold off a few months to see how many people book?

Soooo sorry to hear that you're going through all of this crap! I know how that can feel! Life is full of black and white lines and this may just be a black one for you! Just think, a white one is just around the corner! I'm the eternal optimist, can you tell?

 

Feel free to vent since that's what we're here for! I also came close to wanting to cancel everything at some points during our planning since we had many obsticles as well; Family-in-law issues, my parents financial problems, friends that backed out at the last minute (although for a legitimate reason of death in the family). But, when the time came to go and celebrate, it was the best time ever for everyone and we wouldnt not have changed it at all!

 

I think you and FI need to sit down and figure out if it's what the two of you want right now! I know it's hard but, try to put aside EVERYONE else and just think of the two of you. Can you do it? Can you pull it off financially in this diffucult time? If the answer is yes, then no one else matters and those who really want to be there, will be. If the answer is no, you may want to reschedule or just do something small at home and then go on a fantastic honeymoon with just the 2 of you where you won't need to worry about anyone else's input!

 

Good luck and feel free to vent! We're here to listen

Wow! You guys have had a rough year! Normally, I woul say yes postpone until when things get under control. However, after my life this past year...and almost cancelling several times....I will say this...

 

I look at life now after all of this as a could be over tom. thing. We cancelled our Jamaica wedding and made it closer to home to make it easier for everyone and his health. We also live by the it could be over tom. and you always need to have something to look forward to. This wedding has stressed me out beyond belief...but it is what we look forward to through all the bullshit. It is much easier to just say forget it we will wait. But till when? When will life ever calm down and not be complete insanity...it may never!

 

Maybe having it closer to home at a destination and then a honeymoon in your location would be even better! Or have it here...then do another for the two of you there on your honeymoon!

 

Just please think...I didn't mean to lecture...but I thought it might be important to hear from someone who is in the middle of a nightmare and looks at their wedding as their goal and the one day of happiness/craziness out of it all!!

.Sounds like a roller coaster of a year. The two of you have eachother and that is what matters.

 

I agree with "Justustwo", is there anyway that you can cancel the resort yet still have your wedding there but on a smaller scale. Maybe a smaller resort or have the ceremony on the beach and have the reception at a local restaurant.

 

I hope everything works out for you and your FI.

This was my thought exactly! Cancel your current wedding plans and do something small & intimate! With all the hard times you and your FI have been having I think you need this wedding to brighten your life - you need something positive to happen right now & what better thing than getting married to the love of your life!
Good Luck with everything & I wish you all the best!
xoxo

Go with the positives and that you and your hubby to be LUV eachother... no matter what has happened with the past year... you have been together through it all. If you need to scale back then talk with the Coordinator in PR see if anything can be done to change it... even if it means canceling what you have now and starting new. Canceling and paying a fee sounds better than paying way more for what you need with the cap that is currently set.

 

You really need a happy time in your life .. something that is going to last ... your wedding is that. GO for it and just don't look back.. take baby steps if you have to, but it will all work out as long as you work on it.