Rethinking Wedding Plans

So has my life has taken a complete turn in a different direction, and we are rethinking our wedding plans. We were set on going to Hawaii with our parents. And who ever else might want to come, which was coming looking like one of my three sisters, and possibly a few of FI aunts and uncles. We were okay with that.

But now that my dad has passed, and we found out that my mom has been left with nothing (No life insurance plan, no pension, etc), its seems quite selfish to go to Hawaii. We would be paying for her to go, which we are okay with. But than not having my other sisters, brother in laws, and newphs there is defintely something I am having second thoughts on. Going through this tragic time with my family, has really opened my eyes more how much family means to me. We have pulled together so tight during this, and I feel truly lucky to have them by my side.

Now this is causing us conflicting feelings. We didnt want the "traditional wedding" back home. We wanted our wedding somewhere tropical, beach like, water nearby, and lush. While we are trying to throw ideas around on what exactly we could do to still bring those elements back home in Michigan. We defintley didnt want the all attention on us either.

So can we make this work?

We even thought of maybe having a small cermony here at home with the immediate family, and than go on our honeymoon to Hawaii, and than come home and have a reception. But does that even make sense?

We really wanted to keep the cost to a minimim, but that sounds like it might get a little expensive, which is why we chose a DW in the first place.

Im just typing thoughts out..hope it makes sense. And hope I get hear some of your thoughts. Pretty please

Oh I am so sorry that this turn of events has happened. You are such a strong woman so I think you should be proud of yourself for keeping it all together.

As for the DW, I can totally see where you are coming from. In light of the recent events, I can see why you would want to keep your family close. Just because you are having a wedding at home, it doesn't mean it has to be typical and standard. You can still make the wedding unique and your own. Tradition is something that is easily cast aside in DW, but I don't see why you couldn't do the same for a wedding in MI if that's what you really wanted.

I don't know much about the MI area, so I can't help brainstorm venues although I'm very good at googling. Just let me know if you need help in that aspect.

As for having an intimate affair at home and then doing something in Hawaii, I think that would be a great idea as well. Ultimately I think it's something that you and your FI should talk about. You guys should determine what's most important to the both of you and go from there.

You definitely make sense.

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I like Rachel no nothing about Michigan, but I don't see why you can't bring the beach element there. I am sure you can have a beautiful and memorable wedding in MI.

You and your FI can go to Kauai for your honeymoon.

i think it makes a lot of sense that you and FI would re-think your plans under these circumstances ... why Hawaii in the first place? are there other tropical, beach destinatins that are closer, cheaper, less expensive to fly to?

i don't know what it is like from MI but flying to HI from the East is A LOT. the other thing is that Hawaii is really expensive in general so i am just thinking that maybe you could still do the beach wedding but if it was somewhere much less expensive it might be more realistic for your family and friends.

What a tough situation. Whatever you decide will end up being the right decision. How about taking a little while to really think it out before you make any definite plans. It might help to take a short time off from wedding planning and give yourself a needed break after everything you have been through the past month.

Alyssa, we picked Hawaii because it was just so beautiful. It was tropical, romantic, lush, everything we would want to begin our new lives as a married couple. We thought maybe doing something closer....than thought this is the great lake state, we should be able to find someplace nearby.

My FI had his heart set on Hawaii and watching him I can tell he is really sadden that it may not happen. He does understand how things have changed but I dont think gets it. He is a only child, with a very small family. I think you have to have siblings and go through difficult time with them to truly understand what Im feeling.

Jackie, your completely right. I should take the time. Lately things are just running through my mind, and my anxiety wont let me just relax

I hate that feeling of anxiety. My father passed away a couple of years ago and it took a long time for me to feel OK or normalish. I say you Grant and your family should just take the summer to relax, mourn, cry and laugh, and figure some things out.

If a Destination Wedding is what the two of you both really wanted than your father would have probably been upset to hear that plans may change. You have so much on your plate right now, you may find by the end of the summer that you are completely OK with having a wedding at home or you may find that you really do want a DW, either way it will probably be more clear once some time passes.

I can understand you wanting to change things around a bit. We wound up choosing a location that was really close to our family (we are from the west coast), Napa was a good compromise for us, we still had lots of people stay in a hotel with us and had the DW feeling, we did a few events with them, wine tour, big welcome dinner, pool and spa party, plus the wedding day.

It is possible to still have all of what you want but do it a little closer to home.

Weddings are a time that brings everyone in a family together and maybe that's just what your family needs right now, so why not find a great cool location and still do a small intimate family thing...either way we are here for you!

I think it's great that you want your family to all be there now. You've been through a lot so i can see why a DW may not be ideal for your current situation.

I don't know anything about MI. But is there a lake near by that you could have your ceremony on. It would be easy to make it a beachy feel. Even if there isn't you could still do a tropical theme, it's your wedding you guys can break tradition and do it the way you want to.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your father. My dad passed away several years ago and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him or miss him even though I had been living away for quite some time.

That said--

I used to work up on Mackinac Island in Michigan. While it isn't Hawaii, it is a very beautiful place and there are tons of hotels and restaurants and bars and things to do. No cars. Only bicycles and horse drawn wagons/carriages and lots and lots of boats.

Also, Michigan has quite a few wineries (sp?) and while it isn't tropical I'll bet some of them hold weddings.

Also, what about Florida as a compromise? I live in Fort Lauderdale and there are tons of couples from around the country who come here for their weddings on the beach. My fiances parents lived in Hawaii for a time and when they visited us here they commented on how much it reminded them of there.

But, in September there's a big chance for hurricanes, but the prices are cheaper!

Just remember, the wedding is only one day and regardless of where it is it will be one of the happiest occasions of your life.

Good luck to you.