Mom Vent

I feel bad venting. I hate talking bad about my mom, but I am so annoyed and hurt.

My mom is amazing in so many ways, but she is not the type to get all mushy and talks about her feelings. Which is fine, I understand. However this is my wedding, I am her only daughter and I am the youngest so you would think she'd be a little more eager to help. I've stopped showing her wedding stuff a long time ago. She would leaf through bridal mags and flag dresses for her, I had to drag her to my first day shopping for a dress. I went on my own the rest of the time then brought her back once I found the one. My SIL and mom went with me to find fabric for the BM and FL dresses and the entire time she was looking for fabric for her dress. Again, I know how she is so I deal with it.

So today she brings me a mag and says that I HAVE to add lace to my drop veil and wear it as a traditional mantilla. I ordered a 180 inch simple cut drop veil which I think looks simply beautiful, but my mom and SIL think its just plain and in their words "blah". I personally think its elegant. Anyhow, we are adding lace to our FL dresses and the lace is $32 per yard! Thank fully we only need less than 4 yards for all 3 FL's so that's okay, but could you imagine buying that many yards for my veil! I simply don't want to spend that money and think the drop veil will be fine. Plus the length of the veil is what makes it dramatic. I don't think its "blah" at all.

I try to explain to my mom that I don't want to spend $200 on lace for my veil. Its money we need to spend elsewhere. She tells me, your dad is giving you money you can use that for the lace. Um no, my dad offered to pay for a mariachi or marimba band for the cocktail hour not lace for my veil. Moreover, have you seen our guest list? UGH!!! So she walked away pissed. Why is she adding so much stress?

Oh no Amy! Why do mothers thing it's okay to give us attitude...then we have the guilt. Ugh!

Sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you can talk to her about it when she calms down.

Uggh...maybe because this is the one thing she is truly interested in she is going hard core with it, you know? She may be thinking that she's let you do your thing and the one suggestion she has you are ignoring. I do think it stinks and that you have been very understanding as far as her lack of involvement so far.

It's hard when it's your mom because you can't tee off on her like you would a BM. Even still I wouldn't let her change your vision. Hopefully she will understand before the wedding, but at the very worst, I bet once you get down there she will think your decisions turned out lovely.

BTW Good Lord, your wedding is almost here! How did that happen? LOL

Yeah, I say let her calm down too. Just stand your ground and don't even bring it up. When she brings it up don't even say anything or try to redirect her and talk about something else. Hopefully she'll back off.

I think if you don't want the lace then don't get it if money is not the factor. It's your day. Explain to your Mom that it's not the price, you've got what you have always dreamed of and love the way it looks, simple and elegant. She is trying to contribute which is not always bad, which some Moms do not (like mine for instance who generally avoids any type of participation in wedding plans unless it's a complaint). She loves you and wants her little girl to be beautiful on her day. Maybe she dreamed of the long mantilla and never got to wear one.

As for her looking for a dress for herself while dress shopping, maybe she wants to look perfect for you or doesn't want to upset you with the choices in dress she might make if your tastes are very different. She might also be thinking if she finds one for herself with you there, she can get you to OK it. Believe me, nothing hurts more when you find something you really like and your Mom tells you she thinks it's ugly.

Best of luck, talk with your Mom and remember she does love you. It will work out.

Hi Amy!!! I'm sorry you're feeling unhappy with your mom.

She's probably trying to encourage you to have a dream wedding, but her definition of a dream wedding and yours are clearly not the same thing.

Don't worry about it. I'm sure she'll move on and find some other thing to get involved in. If she brings it up again, just tell her it's not the vision you have, and while you appreciate what she's trying to do, you're happy with it the way it is. It will work itself out. Don't worry!!

Hi Amy, I am sorry that you are going through this! Don't worry, I would keep your veil the way you want it because it is your day!

Amy,

that sucks! what about tricking her a little bit to get her off your back?

tell her you think it is a great idea and are going to look into it and just don't...then just tell her it was too expensive and didn't work out or something. unless, she is seriously up in your business and questions every SINGLE thing you can probably get away with it!

oh Amy I am so sorry, I love your veil, I think its beautiful the way it is. My mom didn't get interested really until the end and is doing the same thing with pregnancy...I too am her only daughter so you would think she would be more into it, but maybe its just hard for them to express themselves and telling us we have to do certain things is there way of saying they want to participate but they don't know how. Can you perhaps give her a job to do, something specific? I know for my mom she just needed to be reminded she was really important to me and that I needed her help was enough to help her out a little.

Thank you so much for all your advise. I've had a busy week and just now have time to comeback to this thread.

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Originally Posted by starchild Uggh...maybe because this is the one thing she is truly interested in she is going hard core with it, you know? She may be thinking that she's let you do your thing and the one suggestion she has you are ignoring. I do think it stinks and that you have been very understanding as far as her lack of involvement so far.   I know she stays out of if b/c we have different ideas and she says that she knows I won't like her ideas, but I just wish she'd have a little more feedback when I do approach her. i.e. I've had my dress at the house for 2 weeks, and I told her "Mom, you haven't even asked me to try it on" Her answer was, "not now, I'm need to the bathroom!" Can you believe that! It's hard when it's your mom because you can't tee off on her like you would a BM. Even still I wouldn't let her change your vision. Hopefully she will understand before the wedding, but at the very worst, I bet once you get down there she will think your decisions turned out lovely.   BTW Good Lord, your wedding is almost here! How did that happen? LOL I know! Can you believe it?? I'm so freaken excited!

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Originally Posted by Christine oh Amy I am so sorry, I love your veil, I think its beautiful the way it is. My mom didn't get interested really until the end and is doing the same thing with pregnancy...I too am her only daughter so you would think she would be more into it, but maybe its just hard for them to express themselves and telling us we have to do certain things is there way of saying they want to participate but they don't know how. Can you perhaps give her a job to do, something specific? I know for my mom she just needed to be reminded she was really important to me and that I needed her help was enough to help her out a little.

Anyhow, I'm over it. I am just thankful that I get to have my mom at the wedding. So know I'm feeling awful starting this thread. Thanks ladies for listening!