Reasons I regret asking my sister to be my MOH (LONG vent)

Maura, it's not fair that she's talking to you like this. She's your sister and should support you and your decision to have your wedding wherever you want. I'm sure you'd be there for her as well. Maybe you can have another talk with her not on IM and really see where things are going to end up. If she doesn't want to be in your wedding, get it taken care of now then last minute.

Oh Maura.. that totally sucks for you There is nothing worse than not getting the support of your family. I would switch your MOH to your best friend and demote your sister to a BM..

i agree with all of you that i shouldnt feel like the bad person for getting married in mexico.

to answer a few questions,

1) i purchased my sisters dress for her as a gift because she cant afford it

2) jose's family lives in MX city, which is all the way on the other side of mexico from where we are getting married, so its not like its not just as far for them to travel as from family of mine from chicago. the plane tickets from each place to cabo run about the same plus or minus $100.

3) i understand that the fact that my sister will be 22 in june means that i should get that shes immature and doesnt have her shit together, but COME ON. my grandma volunteered to pay for the fucking plane ticket and my sister wont ask for it.

4) kicking her out completely will raise all kinds of hell with my mom's unsupportive family -do you see a theme here? all they do is complain. so i think what im going to do is make a card for my best friend and upgrade her to MOH, because lets be honest shes done all the MOH duties so far anyway. and then if my sister shows up to the wedding, i will downgrade her to a BM on the day of to minimize the drama, but without telling her shes been downgraded. the bridesmaids dont always stand up at the altar anyway in a traditional mexican catholic wedding, so i can have them seated and in the programs, put my friends name as MOH.

thanks for letting me vent guys. i am just so sick of my sister taking advantage of me at every opportunity, and i am always a sucker feeling bad for her and let her use me. shes done NOTHING to help me with the wedding, and i am so sick of it. shes too selfish to even think of offering to do things.

I agree with Jaq. Only you can really know what feels right. I personally couldn't downgrade my sister- although Lord knows I did tell her at one point that I did regret asking BM at all. Then I felt bad. She is my sister and I am close to her even though I feel like smothering her in her sleep sometimes.

I'd just hate for you to have all kinds of drama from it. But if your ok with it, then it's ultimately up to you. I just don't want to you to later regret your decision once you've stepped back from all this wedding stuff you know? Good luck Maura. I hope it works out soon!

Blahahaa - "She is my sister and I am close to her even though I feel like smothering her in her sleep sometimes." I missed you, Rach!

Maura - I agree with most of what's been said. Can you tell one of your BM's and ask her to be your honorary MOH if your sister flakes. Most people understand that the titles are mostly meaningless and they are all importnat to you.

Maura...I am so sorry. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now, especially coming from your sister. Just remember that this is your day. Do what makes you happy, and everyone else can just deal with it.

Maura, I am really sorry you have to deal with this, especially since she is your sister. But it really seems like she does not care about your happiness and your wedding, so why should you care about how she feels. I would just replace her with you best friend who you know will be there for you. Your MOH should be helping to make your planning easier not to make it harder. I hope everything will turn out okay for you.

Maura, this sucks! Her age should have nothing to do with this. Some people are married with kids by the time they are 22. She is really going to regret this when she gets older. I was a real b*tch to my family when I was that age and I think about it often and regret it. Hopefully she will come to her sense before it is too late and she ends up hurting you even more.

Oh Maura... I wish there was an easy answer, but there's not. I think you're on the right track in demoting her without telling her.

Whether it's that she just doesn't get it, or there's a bigger underlying problem, is hard to say. Either way, however, she is not meeting her responsibilities - she's not even trying. It's unfair to you, and it's unfair to your other BMs.

So, demote her. Let her figure it out when (if) she gets to the wedding. Send the card to your BM, tell her how wonderful she's been, how much you appreciate her and let her know that she's your "real" MOH.

Your mom's family may have a hissy, but so few of them will be there anyway, it won't make much difference. Besides, they'll probably be too busy complaining that your flowers don't match the color of the sunset or some crap like that to even notice.

It's time for this to be about you and what you want. If your sis or your mom's family doesn't like it, too f'ing bad.