What am I going to do???

oh i wish we had thought of that for mine! i didn't like the idea of opening gifts in front of people either...i didn't know half of the people there and then had to fake being surprised by gifts that i picked out...

jen, i think the couples cocktail/dinner party is a great idea...you could have the host (or whoever is doing the invites) write 'your presence is presents enough'...and if people insist on getting something, have them bring an hor dourve (sp?), a bottle, or a donation to charity.

Honestly, I would rather have nothing, but this is a great idea. I'll talk to my mom about it and see what she says. I think I'm just very against having a day that's all about me. I would rather Brendan be a part of it too, so to take some of the focus off of me. Plus, the whole gift opening thing is just awful.

Your friends and family just are excited about it and want to show thier love for you

The charity thing is a great idea

or go to a spa together instead and give to charity

I had no one to honor me with a shower and would be grateful that someone cared and thought enough of me to try to do something nice for me

Not saying you are ungreatful, but I think somethimes esp with a wedding we need to respect other peoples love and how they choose to express it to us.

IMHO showers kinda suck and I'm generally opposed to them so you aren't alone. Just because it's tradition doesn't mean squat. I didn't want one but wasn't adament about it. One was thrown and I showed up...lol

 

Opening presents in front of a crowd and doing the "Ooh look what I got" thing is way to show-boaty for me. I did not want to do it at all and am actually embarassed to say I caved and did it. I refused to hold them up though.

 

I opened them, smiled, said "thanks Kathy" and passed the gifts to my cousin sitting next to me. She did the showing off for me while I hurried to open the next one and get the damn thing over with...it just makes me itch to do that stuff. Thank God my BMs had the foresight to serve margaritas or I would have been a bitch from hell!

 

Most people really just want to see you open their gift and look greatful, they could care less about other people's gifts. They'll do a lot of talking and not paying attention until theirs comes up...lol

 

Anyways - Don't do it...it clearly is against your wishes. If it's all about you why can't people honor your wishes? They mean well but I wonder if the people throwing them do it for them as much as you...hmmmm

Jamy, I completely agree with you!!! And I have to say, I've been to what feels like hundreds of bridal showers and I HATE going to them. It's so boring to sit there and watch someone open their gifts. Then they make you play stupid games (like Bridal bingo and crap like that.) Sorry if I've offended anyone, I think I'm just SO over this already. The first couple of showers I ever went to were fun, but now it just feels ridiculous.

 

When my sister got married in 1997, I hadn't been to too many bridal showers yet so we did the very traditional shower and made her open her gifts. Now that I look back on it, I don't think she liked it very much. She's even less into these kinds of things than I am. Well, two years ago when she was pregnant with Gretchen, we told her we wanted to do something for her but knew that she didn't want a shower. So instead we had a small dessert party with 15 of her closest friends and family. At the time my sis owned a house out in the Hamptons so we did the party out there on a Saturday afternoon and didn't open any gifts. It was a lot of fun and everyone was able to mingle, have some wine and hang out.

 

Sorry that this is causing you such anxiety. I like the idea of having a dinner were everyone is sitting at the table and can't pass around gifts. You could also ask everyone to write a note to you and FH and they could each just put it in a box/bowl for you to read later, that way there is no opening of gifts. BUT they can give you something special.

Jen, I totally understand how you feel. I didn't want a shower at all, and down in Texas I've known brides to have 6! It's a nightmare. Total nightmare.

 

I told my mom that we wanted an engagement party, which was perfect, it was more of a "couples shower" just our close friends but it was great. They brought gifts, but we didn't open them and no one cared!

 

Then I did end up having a girlie shower and had to open presents in front of people, and I was really uncomfortable. But the thought was nice and they did everything they could to make it enjoyable. The gift part only lasted like 20 minutes, and we didn't play any games!

 

So I would definitely suggest an engagement/couples party sans gifts. If all you want is for your close friends & family around, then that's what it should be. There is absolutely no reason you should have to be uncomfortable so someone can see you open a dinner plate and see how you react.

 

Oh, and when I did have to open presents, I had to pretend that I didn't know what it was going to be. I used my online registries to track thank-you cards, so I could see what people had bought me before I got the gift since I was checking other purchases. So that sort of ruined the mood too.

 

Be firm with your mother, let her know that you appreciate the thought, but that there must be a compromise you all can reach. And stress how important it is to you to have Brendan included, since it is about the two of you.

 

Let us know how it goes!

Oh gag! Toilet paper wedding dresses, "How much does she know about him?" Quiz and store-bought cake? Barf. I forgot about that stuff! The worst part is you have to sit there pretending to be happy about being there so the person you don't even know who bought you something you didn't ask for won't be offended. Lady, if you just didn't get me anything (like i asked) then you wouldn't be offended by my not wanting it! This sucks, girl! Stick to your guns and don't allow what you don't want. This is your event and you can do it how you want it, all the way, including the shower (or not, as this would be!)

hahahahahaha abbbie you crack me up. i totally agree with this. i dont want a shower or a bachelorette party, and my close girlfriends have agreed to abide by my wishes and join me for a spa day the day before my wedding in cabo. dont think they agreed to this easily though...some of my girlfriends were really bitchy about it.

to appease my female relatives, my sister is going to throw a non-shower where they will join me for tea at the drake hotel in chicago (which is super fun and only about $30/pp) the week before i leave for mexico. so much easier, more fun and no pressure to open gifts in front of strangers.