Off Your Chest

Dear Fellow-CoWorker seemingly Ex-Friend,

I don't know why you sudenly decided that you don't want to be friends with me anymore. I think that you should grow up and stop be-friending and then un-friending people so much. That poor other girl must be heart-broken as well. By becoming her BFF and then deciding you hate her you really rui9ned her chances of getting to know other people. I am sure she is upset and I think it's lame that you pretend like you're so sweet when inside you're as much of a bitch as any of us - and possibly more.

I know that you don't like me anymore but I have no idea why. I think that is it ridiculous that after almost 2 years of friendship that you would suddenly just shut off. I am so angry that I am even upset by you because you obviously aren't even worth it. This is not middle school. You suck.

F*ck you,

Kashmira

Dear self,

What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you basically refuse to exercise and then feel surprised when you gain weight. Um.... it' s not rocket science.

Dear Murphy School District,

I do not understand why you insist on waiting for shit to hit the fan before deciding to actually take action!!! I would love to know how long you have known about this ELL law, and why you waited until the school year is in full force before deciding to actually do what the state has been requiring us to do!! Did you somehow think a magical fairy would come in and protect us from the laws that effect the rest of the state? WTF? Now next week we have the state coming in to our school to check on things that we do not even know about!!!!! And if it's not done the way they want it...it will be OUR fault?? F*ck that! BTW, stop telling us that we need to not think of ourselves b/c this is what is best for the children. You know damn well, you don't care about these kids like WE do! WE the teachers who have chosen to work for NO MONEY while you sit in your big office micromanaging everything that comes your way. YOU that makes 100K a year! You the people in charge that manage to miss the biggest even in AZ education and then have US rush to put it together for YOu so that YOU do not lose your job!!! I can't wait to leave this F*ckin district in 8 months! I wonder what it is like in a district where the adminstrators don't have their heads up their @sses!

Dear God, or whomever you may believe in,

What is wrong with this world? Why is it that you give children to those who are so undeserving and take them from those who are SOOO deserving? It makes me so angry to think of this! Why are some of the parents at my school walking around with 20 kids and doesn't take care of any of them, yet a woman who is so able, and caring to be a good mother cannot be blessed with a child? I DON'T GET IT!!!!

Dear Heidi,

Your time will come........

Dear self-

Don't start eating a bunch of junk food because you are stressing out. You have been doing really well with the "diet" (if not the exercise, but that's another issue). DON'T BLOW IT!

To everyone who said they would come..

I have a Home Interiors consultant coming to my house next weekend for a demonstration that you all claimed you would attend... why today, when I ask for a headcount... no one can "make it"

Thanks a lot!

Dear Budweiser,

I've missed you all week. Its been way too long since last weekend when I last saw you. When I see you tonight, I plan to firmly plant my lips on your long...bottled neck and bathe myself in your deliciousness. Ahh dear friend how I've missed you!

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Dear Police Officers,

Please don't arrest me for breaking into Trisha, Drea, & Trisha's house and slipping their hubbies/FI's VIAGRA and SPANISH FLY ROOFIES. I know its illegal to drug people but I was doing it for a good cause.

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Dear Glenda,

When you were younger and admired those models in magazines did you ever think you were going to become a plus size model? B/c that's the only fashion shows you will be modeling in the way your shoving your face.

Dear Glenda,

Girl, quit being so hard on yourself! You are not fat!

Christa

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Dear self,

Unbelievable! You are still in your robe! Although you are making chicken soup from scratch & dealing with mortgage stuff, I think it might look like you've been sleeping all day when DH gets home. AND, 1:30 is definitely too early to start drinking, even though it's Friday...dude, you're wearing a robe & drinking rum & soda. Jesus.

Dear self,

Why did you just eat 2 bags of peanut m&m's just because you are bored? What is wrong with you?

I love this thread! Great idea Tammy!

Ok...

Dear Psycho Texas Weather,

Please do your best to make the weather man look like a fool again and NOT rain on Saturday afternoon during Monica's outdoor AHR. Because even though we have a "plan B"...it's way less cool that being outside at the winery and we don't want to use it.

Dear uterus/AF,

Please stop cramping so much! It hurts and I'm only allowed to take two of my pills per 24 hour period...and right now thats barely cutting it. And I'd strongly prefer not to be the MOH who would rather be curled up in the fetal position at home than at her best friend's AHR. I mean, I appreciate that you stayed away for Mexico and the wedding...but geez...cut me some slack! I plan to wash down my second dose of narcotics with some booze when I get home tonight...please accept that as my peace offering and let's just all get along. Cool?

Dear DH,

You are F*CKING awesome and I LOVE YOU!!!! You made my day yesterday with all your thoughtfulness. I'm a damn lucky woman.

You're the best!

Dear BDW friends,

You guys are amazing! Thanks for being so fun, smart, creative, caring and brutally honest.

Love you all kids to bits!!