*Heavy Sigh* Vent -- Bummed about turn out for my AHR :(

Ugh -- I feel like such a whiny-baby this week....

 

Now more than even before my wedding, I've been posting "rants" about this, and "venting" about that, so I'd first like to THANK YOU all for (as usual!) bearing with me and hearing me out; the bulk of the time, it feels like only my BDW sisters can truly identify and KNOW where I am coming from, and it means the world! HUGS to you all!

 

So, now to my current vent: as my reply-by date for my AHR just passed earlier this week (btw - our AHR will be on Aug. 14th, 3 months after we were married on May 14th in Jamaica, with 10 lovely guests in attendance), it feels like no one cares about celebrating our wedding with us anymore! We invited about 80 people (b/c we couldn't afford more than that in case everyone DID say they were coming), and so far, I have just under 50 replies as "will attend" and a handful of "regretfully declines"...what's going on here?!? Some of the people I really thought I could count on to be there either haven't replied at all, or have said now that they can't make it, even though they have been telling me for the past year that they are "so excited" for our AHR -- WTF?!?

Even my own sister (my only sibling) said she's going to come, but will have to leave early because she's got a freakin' birthday party to go that day also...what a slap in the face, right?!?

 

I guess I'm just pouting like a brat, but it really burns me that my husband and I have both been working 2 jobs for the past 7 months to be able to afford to host a celebration we could be proud of, and now it seems like all that hard work is going to waste. We booked a beautiful waterfront venue on Maryland's Chesapeake Bay, complete with a deejay, cake, photog. -- the works! And we'll still have to pay for 75 people (as per the venue's minimum), even if less attend, so now I just feel like an IDIOT!

 

I guess to some of the guests we've invited, the fact that we are already married makes our AHR not a "big deal", but we're really hurt that it seems like these people are just saying we don't matter enough to take 4 hours out of their day on a Saturday in August to say congratulations.

 

I really do understand that people have other things going on, but I just feel bummed because John and I been there for the important events in these people's lives (ie. weddings, baby showers, their kid's birthday parties, etc.), and now that it's their turn to be there for us, they can't be bothered.

 

* Heavy sigh....again, sorry for the "pity party", girls, and thanks for listening. *

I feel your pain/annoyance.. That's exactly why I scrapped the AHR..I feel as though I will be putting alot of money and effort into it an I wont even get to enjoy it....I think it sux that these people are dragging their feet on this one. Its alot for you to even think about (planning/coordinating) & inviting people to share in this special time of your life and they cant even respond?! so what you are already married! the point is that you want to do something so everyone can enjoy and show their love and support. I mean its a flipping party! who doesn't like to party!?...FOR FREE! its not like you are asking them to contribute...Selfishness is one of those things that I cant get used to....

 

And I don't want to even start on your SIS! did she come to the wedding?

GIANT HUGS to you for knowing what I'm saying, sugar! You've already brightened my day...

And what's funny is that you said you decided to scrap your AHR after all, because I was right there with you. About 2 weeks after we returned from our DW, I was seriously considering just calling it all off myself, but John and I just decided to go ahead with it and now look where I am!! Aaarrrrgghhh!

You're soo right -- it IS a lot to think about, coordinate, PAY FOR and now I just feel embarassed to have gone to all this effort for people who really are telling us that they just don't give a sh!t about any of it! And yes, it's a free meal, free booze, free entertainment, free cake...and I don't even care if they bring gifts; all I wanted was for people to care enough to show up! This whole thing really makes it pretty clear who truly "has your back" and who doesn't, you know?

And ah yes, my lovely sister....girl, you don't even want to know the half of it! Long story short, at first when we said we were having a DW, she said she could NOT afford to come to St. Lucia, so since I wanted her to attend, we switched our whole island choice to Jamaica and she came to the actual wedding itself.

What's more hilarious about our sisterly-relationship is that she herself just got married in Dec. 09, but she only got married then because I went nuts on her for suggesting that she get wanted to have her wedding only 72 hours AFTER us on May 17, 2010 back in the U.S., when my husband and I would have still been in Jamaica on our mini-honeymoon -- this is the kind of BS I deal with!

So I told my sister, if she can't spare 4 WHOLE hours for me, her own flesh and blood, because she simply cannot miss her husband's niece's surprise 13th birthday party (her argument for having to go was that this kid's birthday is a quote 'once in a lifetime event because someone only becomes a teenager once in their life'....) then she doesn't need to bother coming at all.

I could beat my head against the wall sometimes, I swear!!

Sorry to hear about your frustrations! I am in the very beginning of planning an AHR. We are getting married in April, 2011. I already know that hardly anyone at all will be joining us in Turks & Caicos - besides my parents and my 11 year old daughter. (This is a second marriage for both of us). Your know, "too expensive", "vacation time", blah, blah, blah... We were originally going to have a small wedding (about 25 guests) here at home but when we saw the prices for that small amount of guests, we decided to scrap that idea and have a DW wedding. We want to have some type of party/AHR maybe a few weeks after we get back. I am just trying to decide what to do (dinner at a resturant, or a catered at home party...) My first initial thoughts were that I didn't want people to think "oh they are already married and just looking for gifts" because that is not it at all. I wanted to plan the AHR as soon after our trip as we can, basically because I don't want too much time to go by then people tend to "loose that thunder" of excitement of a just married couple. Unfortunately, maybe that is what is happening on your end. I can totally understand the planning and saving and needing the proper amount of time to make sure it is all perfect for you. But sometimes other people just don't get it, which is so unfair to you. But all that aside, I am sure your day is going to be wonderful for you and your DH. Enjoy it - no matter who is or is not there!!!

Are you flippin Kidding me?! is she an older sis or younger? And a 13 year olds party? seriously?! U gotta be kiddin me?! she has her Loyalty all screwed up! " Once in a lifetime" ? Oh please...I dunno...I have a sense of Jealously coming from her.....It may just be me but she is doing alot of BS in regards to YOUR special events! Your Only SIs at that? all I have to say is MY ONLY sister knows better...although it may seem a little bridezilla ish...She is supposed to drop everything and be there for you...I mean although my sis is GIVING BIRTH in the next few weeks...she is very active in my planning needs and fully intends on bringing her NEWBORN to DR for HER ONLY sister's wedding.....Don't know where she will find the time/money but if all goes well with the baby, she said she is on the next flight out! although if she dosen't Ill absolutely understand because there are some things you have no control over...

 

But YOUR dearest SIS... I tell ya...she is a mess! all I know is she needs to be at that Reception if she know's what's good for her!!

 

Im sure it will all work out in the end, but im More sure that you will be glad when it is all over. U still have some time for Late RSVP'ers...But whats done is done and Just try and Enjoy it...Get drunk and bust out in the Funky chicken!

I feel your pain!

 

Hope everything is sorted & you have a great AHR!

@ Michelle2 -- yep, I think you nailed it with the "losing the thunder" comment; I am almost SURE that is what happened here, and we would have loved to have had it closer to the time that we returned, but financially (as we are paying for the vast majority of this shindig) we couldn't afford to have it any sooner. And like I said, I don't even CARE if we get any gifts at all! Perhaps if I put that on the invitations, more people would be coming...but I hate to believe that they'd think of us as that greedy! Anyway, I wish you a beautiful wedding and I PRAY that whatever type of AHR you decide on goes more smoothly than what I am dealing with now!

No girl, I'm not kidding you (she ACTUALLY said those things to me about the importance of the 13th b-day party via emails!) This is all the real-deal on how my sister behaves, and then she has the audacity, the GAUL to call ME self-absorbed and self-centered, too! HA! You can't make this stuff up, I tell you....

And to answer your question, she is 2 years older than me, and I think you called it right on the jealousy thing, but I'm not even going to launch into that drama right now! And I LOVE that YOUR sister is soooo there for you, newborn baby and all -- if anyone is jealous here, it's me that you have that type of unconditionally supportive, touching relationship with your sister! Lucky girl!

Oh, and although it may seem a little desperate, I am planning to contact those that we haven't received their reply yet over the course of the next week before I have to turn in my final numbers to the venue on 7/29, so I am hoping there are a few more stragglers that will be coming after all, too!

And if not, SCREW EM, right?! I'll just be like, "Hey, where's my drink?" all stumbling around, and screaming, "And turn up that damn 'Funky Chicken' already!" LOL!

HOLLA!!! Girl when there's drinks and good music involved..There's always a way to turn a frown upside down and have a Good ole' time! and I think its a good idea to call. Its not desperate at all! Its being Efficient!

It really sucks that you are dealing with all this drama but to be honest, it seems like you have such a great attitude about it all. I say, if people come, they come, if they don't they don't. It is their loss! Same goes for your sister...she is going to have to live with the fact that she was not there for you. At least you should be content and satisfied that you have done your part and have tried with her. That's all you can do.

 

I'm with you, just call the non-responders to see if they are going to attend, no big deal if they go or not and in the end, party it up and dance till your feet fall off!!

 

I hope it all turns out well