Invitation Etiquette

Ok- one last etiquette question as I prepare to finalize my DIY invites...

to recap- i sent a STD, follow-up postcard with travel agent info and now the formal invite.......

Well, I have had a few relatives say via email that they cannot attend....do i waste the dollar somthing postage and send them my invite anyway? or does it looklike i am lookign for a gift (which we are absolutley not) i just don't want to offend people?

i sent invites to people who i knew wouldn't be attending. i mainly did it for the sake of formality. and also, so they knew they were still "officially" invited. but ... i did have one or two that said they couldn't attend, but at the last minute changed their minds - so i am glad i included everyone.

Everyone differs on this, but I think that you need to send them an invite. That way they know you still want them to be a part of the day even if they can't.

Honestly if they told me that they could not attend I wouldnt bother sending them an invite. I would feel like I was being pushed into going if I already told someone no and they kept sending me invites.

JMO!

I would prefer to not get the invite after saying I wasn't going. Being the age we are, I'm always getting invites to weddings, baby showers, kid's 1st birthday parties, etc. I live out of state from most of the people sending invites so they make me feel a little stressed. I wonder if we need to send them all gifts, or if they just sent it to us to get a gift. I figure most people just want us to feel included, but I don't mind being left off invite lists. I feel included when someone sends me their website of the wedding & pictures afterwards. I also like when people mail or email me pictures of their kids growing up. So in my opinion, getting things that keep you intouch with someone is great for feeling included. Invites don't really do that for me.

As all your above posts indicate- I am torn on this......for me I feel like I should send invites to everyone I had on my STD. But we have received a handwritten letter of regret, and email from some family members who start by saying..."we have discussed and discussed but we regret..."

Also, i worked so hard on my invites that i want to share with everyone, so I feel like despite knowing they are not coming, I should extend them the invite anyway....

In the end i guess it's just a preference...

you could always include a special note to those people saying that even though you know they can't attend (and how you wish they could, blah blah blah), but you wanted to give them this invite so they know they were invited, or how you wanted to share this invite with them ... or osmething. my wording is awful right now - but hopefully you get the idea! if you're worried about the gift thing (i can't imagine people really think that way, but maybe they do!), you could also add in about how you don't expect a gift, but still wanted to include them.

Then what about including a handwritten note in the invite saying something like "We realize you will not be able to attend...we completely understand...you will be missed...you are special to us so we still wanted to share our invite with you."

Hey, we were writting the same thing in our post at the same time.

They always say to avoid mentioning gifts in an invite even if it says "no gifts please." This is why I love having a website. I felt like it was more opportunity to express how we feel than on an invite. We have a section about our decision to have a destination wedding & how we understand if people can't make it. Then there is a section explaining how we don't expect gifts.