venting!!!

SheaS · 07-02-2007, 10:29 PM

I need to vent... I could just scream right now. How many of your fiances are helping you with the planning? Mine is not! I am so overwhelmed right now. He doesn't even know the resort name or where it is located. I have asked him to look for a suit, ask his friends to stand for him in the wedding, asked him to help me with invites.. etc, and NOTHING! I don't even want to be around him right now. Is anybody else experiencing this?
This is among many, many things! I need a break!

michelle08 · 07-02-2007, 10:58 PM

I'm sorry you are going through this...I am doing most of the work, but he is very receptive and when I do tell him things he listens and has opinions. So I guess I am pretty lucky. He is involved enough to make me happy and not over involved to annoy me. I wish i could do something to help you....Please ask if you need help!!!

How are you asking him to do things? Is it just bickering at him once you are already irritated? This might not work so well. I would try and have a heart to heart w/ him and just lay it out there. Tell him that you are really frustrated and there won't be many things you will ask of him, but there will be a couple and that he needs to realize that you need his support and attention right now. Maybe he just doesn't realize how important this is to you??

Just Martha · 07-02-2007, 11:10 PM

Jay is involved almost every step of the way...
This is the most he has ever been involved in anything...ask him about buying a house and he doesnt care....ask him about a logo or a STD and he is all over that! ha!

I am sorry you are going through that!!!

Just Martha · 07-02-2007, 11:10 PM

duplicate post

Deighton · 07-03-2007, 12:00 AM

I don't understand that. This is his big day too...doesn't he have any preferences or ideas? Thankfully, Adrian has been very helpful. He definitely lets me know what he wants, but ultimately says if I want something else then that's fine with him. That would drive me crazy! Sorry I'm no help...he needs a kick in the butt!

DreaW · 07-03-2007, 12:26 AM

ok...Erik was the opposite from everyone else who's responded...He didn't help with anything! It could also be that everytime I asked for suggestions he would tell me but I would be like "oh thanks a lot already thought of that".

We fought through the whole process.

Well....now that we decided to just do it...elope but actually it's not since we have 17 people with us....we both have calmed down...
We didn't do invites, programs, plan out music, anything...I just told Maye that I wanted it on the beach, I picked the flowers and it will now be a relaxed wedding....

Anyways...back to my point...no Erik didn't help he was more of a pain then anything else.

starchild · 07-03-2007, 01:11 AM

I think it's totally normal to not have FI involved to the level that you are.

Mine was involved to a certain degree but basically told me to do what I want. I always showed him options and asked his input though. He told me it's my superbowl (lol) and that guys don't fantasize about weddings as children like many little girls do, so a lot of men just aren't in to the minute details. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't care but we are wired differently and that tends to manifest itself in the whole wedding planning process. I bet a small percentage actually care about std's, invitations, and centerpieces - but sometimes they play along to keep the peace.

It gets overwhelming sometimes, I understand, but hang in there!! The main thing is that he will be there, and as long as he knows he can't come back later and say "why did you pick purple?" or something to that effect, don't sweat it. Enjoy having creative control :o)

starchild · 07-03-2007, 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DREA14369

Well....now that we decided to just do it...elope but actually it's not since we have 17 people with us....we both have calmed down...We didn't do invites, programs, plan out music, anything...I just told Maye that I wanted it on the beach, I picked the flowers and it will now be a relaxed wedding....

Drea good for you. Keep it simple and focus on what it's all about and your guests will feel as relaxed as you 2 do.

MikkiStreak · 07-03-2007, 06:18 AM

I agree with Jamey--- I think men are so conditioned to believing this is "our" day and not theirs, that they think they should step back and not be involved as much. Frank will even say things like that and I'm always the one to correct him that it's *my* day, it's *our* day and that I want him involved.

Granted, we haven't really started planning anything, but I've told him I'd like him to be in charge of all the music and for him to look for ceremony wording that he likes so we can write our own ceremony and vows, etc... he's receptive, but he's also a procrastinator, so I expect he'll wait until the final hour and then pull it together.

I also think that a lot of men wait until the last moment to do most everything because they don't realize how much effort it could take. You may want to sit down and go over a timeline so he understand how long it could take to find his attire and get it fitted as needed.

Hate to say it, but for a lot of men, you have to do the same things you do with toddlers and small children--- point them in the direction to start and then pick things out and give them choices on those items you already picked.

StephanieMN · 07-03-2007, 07:18 AM

So sorry that you are stressed! We had the same type of situation and I just started crying while sitting in the living room watching TV one day--just lost it. I told him I wasn't his mom and didn't want to have to always ask him to do stuff. He said he didn't realize how much of the burden I had taken on. I really hope you can have the same sort of conversation with him (sans the crying part).
The very next day I made a Ta-Da list. It is very easy to do and you can just email it to him and tell him to put his initials next to the things he will do. Mine ended up taking stuff I didn't think he would do. If you each choose things you are good at then it will work out.

Good luck