FSMIL vent

kay726 · 04-22-2007, 08:47 PM

I need your thoughts. My fi's parents got divorced when he was 11 and he moved in with his father and stepmother. He and his bio mother did not really talk to much after that until about 2 years ago. They are now very close. My Fi bio mother has been very supportive and helpful about the wedding. His stepmother has been a complete bi%$^ch . She has done various things to make things very unpleasant for both of us. She went as far to say at my shower during toasting time that it took me 4 years to basically "convince" my fiance to marry me which was untrue because he wanted to be married before I even did. She is just a huge ball of negativitey and I truly can't stand to deal with her anymore after her little stunt yesterday.

SO here is my question... for the unity candle ceremony, I orginally was going to include her in lighting the candles with my mom and my FI bio mom. Now I really don't want her near the candle, much less light the candle because she continues to be negative and I don't believe she wishes us well at all. Would it be mean spirited of me to exclude her from the unity candle ceremony and have her do something else? I truly am tired of catering to her when she continuously and blantely disrespects me. What do you think?

CourtneyV · 04-22-2007, 09:18 PM

IMO, not letting her do the unity candle might send a bad message. She is a part of his family. The good news is: during the unity candle part she won't need to talk, right?! Or, I did like your other option of having her do something else. If she has been in your FIs life since he was 11, I personally think it sends a bad message to exclude her from it.

MelissaH · 04-22-2007, 09:20 PM

What does your FI think? I think this is one of those things that might be better off being left up to him....

Just Martha · 04-22-2007, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mexicomelissa

What does your FI think? I think this is one of those things that might be better off being left up to him....

I agree. Sure, you may not want her to be a part of it....but, won't it make things much worse if she isn't. And, she may be acting like a biatch now, but she has been in his life for a long time. What a crappy situation she has put you and your FI in.

AnnR · 04-22-2007, 09:29 PM

that's exactly what i was thinking, what does your FI want? It seems like this is something that he should really decide. though i am with you - i wouldn't want to give her the honor of being part of the ceremony after acting like that - but she is family, and you don't want to stoop to her level.

kay726 · 04-22-2007, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by akh

that's exactly what i was thinking, what does your FI want? It seems like this is something that he should really decide. though i am with you - i wouldn't want to give her the honor of being part of the ceremony after acting like that - but she is family, and you don't want to stoop to her level.

You are all right. My fiance is on the fence about it. He is tired of her issues, but is not as pissed off as I am right now. I guess it would be stooping to her level to be petty. But it is so sad that I don't even feel like hugging her because her vibe towards me is really negative energy. I really sound paranoid, but she was staring at me all throughout my shower with this evil look on her face and has already stated that they will not be helping at all with our AHR/crab crack because her daughter decided after we announced the date for our AHR that she will be having her son's birthday party on the same day and my fiance's dad pretty much has to choose where he is going to be. (it will be very hard for him to go to both because our ahr will be very far away from where the other party will be)

JessicaLovesBrian · 04-22-2007, 10:33 PM

I agree about letting FI decide. I can definitely understand why you'd want to exclude her... or accidentally light her hair on fire during the unity candle ceremony (oops, did I say that?!?). But despite her b*tchiness, she has been in FI's life since he was 11 and I think it'd be rude to leave her out no matter how much you want to. I say just keep things as planned.

I really can't believe she had the nerve to say something like that at your shower. That's totally rude and probably awkward. I would have had to fight back the desire to kick her in the shins! Good luck with that <3

kay726 · 04-22-2007, 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JessicaLovesBrian

I agree about letting FI decide. I can definitely understand why you'd want to exclude her... or accidentally light her hair on fire during the unity candle ceremony (oops, did I say that?!?). But despite her b*tchiness, she has been in FI's life since he was 11 and I think it'd be rude to leave her out no matter how much you want to. I say just keep things as planned.

I really can't believe she had the nerve to say something like that at your shower. That's totally rude and probably awkward. I would have had to fight back the desire to kick her in the shins! Good luck with that <3

Light her hair on fire...too funny!! Yes the shin thing did cross my mind. I really don't think I will be able to be the bigger person if she says something stupid at the wedding.

Tammy Host · 04-22-2007, 11:49 PM

i'm going against the grain on this one...if she is not supportive of your union, she should not be part of the ceremony, much less the unity candle.

if my dh's mom, or whatever was staring and being mean to me she would be lucky to get an invite to the weddding.

AnnR · 04-23-2007, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by host

i'm going against the grain on this one...if she is not supportive of your union, she should not be part of the ceremony, much less the unity candle.

if my dh's mom, or whatever was staring and being mean to me she would be lucky to get an invite to the weddding.

i can't say i disagree with Tammy here. i don't know what her issue is with you, or the two of your togther (jealousy??), but she obviously isn't supporting the two of you! and if she's not, why should she be given the honor of watching you share your vows., or like Tammy said, participate in the wedding. BUT i do think that your and your FI need to come to a solution together, whatever that is. FI needs to show this nut care that YOU are the main woman in his life now, and you two are a team.