Meddling FMIL

townie princess · 09-27-2008, 11:46 AM

I know this thread isn't really DW related because we're now having our wedding back home (other side of the country that I can't get to until the wedding next summer), but I have to get this off my chest, and I know some of you might be going thru similar stuff if you're doing an AHR.

FI and I are getting married in the city next summer. We're doing all this planning long distance because we cannot afford to go down there before the wedding (about $1000 CAD per person).

Both of our families are from that area. FI's aunts and cousins live there, my parents live there. No one is really offering any help. Both FI's mother and sister have gone down there to visit this summer past and offered some help, but we were still in the planning stages, so there wasn't really anything they could do. Plus we didn't trust them to do the tasks we assigned while they were on holiday (they probably wouldn't make it a priority while on holiday).

FI's side of the family does not live in the city, they live an hour outside of the city in a pretty rural area where the entire community gets together for a wedding. Hence the reason we're having it in the city, I don't want all those people at my wedding for a "free party".

FMIL knows that we're using city vendors for our wedding, FI has told her this on several occasions and I keep telling her the exact name of the vendors we're using in the city.

BUT, FMIL keeps telling me about her "friends" that do wedding stuff in the rural area, and today she sent me Facebook group invites to these rural wedding vendors. One of them being a catering company (we've had our caterer booked for over 2 months now), and the other being a decorator/cake designer/florist.

UGH. I'm ready to scream because she just doesn't get it! I know she's trying to be helpful, but she's not hearing that we're using city vendors and we've got just about everything booked! She doesn't really listen to anything we say about anything, it's like she's got blinders on or something.

Thank god she's not paying for anything, I can totally see where that would go!

Sorry, I just have to rant and get this off my chest before I blow up!

mpajkos · 09-27-2008, 11:56 AM

I would reply to her by saying "oh I looked at the vendors you sent me info on and they are all in the country. We are using city vendors but besides we have everyone booked already but thanks." Even if she forgets Again we stayed polite and maybe she will respond by asking what you haven't done yet and she can actually be helpful! Good Luck!

FutureMrsLewis · 09-27-2008, 12:00 PM

I actually live in St. John's, and I can relate. I had first said I was going to have my AHR here in town, and my parents, who live in the Port-aux-Basques area, thought I should travel the 1000 km's and have it there. I said no, then "Well why not Dildo?" (My two sisters live there) and I realized they weren't going to be happy with my AHR either way, so now I'm debating even having one. Just stay firm and tell her everything is booked and you can't cancel with your vendors b/c you've already paid deposit or something, anything to keep her quiet pretty much lol Or like mpajkos said, just tell her you reviewed the others and they're not suitable. And if you ever need some pics or a site visit or anything from here in St. John's, I would gladly do it for you :) Just hang in there, only another few months!!

Hartyt509 · 09-27-2008, 04:34 PM

You know what i'm gonna say lol "Tell her to poke off!!" there is a limit to how many times you say no we aren't doing that.

She is trying to break you into giving in so she can do what SHE wants. I think you're already being accommodating by having the wedding close to where they live. At the end of the day you don't live there so they should be grateful you are saving them the travel!

My cousins (who are my only family left) whined about how we were going so far away and it would cost too much. My response thats a shame here have your kid back its filled its nappy lol

I'd block her from facebook 2 lmao

Maura · 09-27-2008, 04:38 PM

can you give your MIL a different small task to get her mind off pushing her friends on you as vendors? just be nice and tell her, thanks i appreciate you trying to help but we have already booked all the vendors and paid non-refundable deposits, but i do need help with XYZ if you'd like to really help me out... sometimes the best way to deal with your MIL is to humor her to some extent so you dont hurt her feelings.

townie princess · 09-28-2008, 10:35 PM

Harty, you are so funny, your posts always crack me up!

Thanks everyone for the suggestions, I'm really not sure what tasks I can give her at this point to occupy her time. We have very different tastes in everything so I don't trust her opinion on anything.

But I'll have to find something to keep her busy. Any suggestions?

BTW, my FMIL & her partner and my FSIL live in the same town I do (here on the west end of the country), and my sister lives out west (different province though), but everyone else lives back east.

Ugh.

FutureMrsLewis · 09-29-2008, 09:10 PM

I say just give her ANYTHING to research. She can find whatever she wants, you don't necessarily have to use the information

Or something silly you don't really care about, like tell her to check prices on napkins or tablecloths or little plastic wineglasses or something lol Something annoying that will take her a while before she's done