Feeling Disconnected

KAMAY11 · 09-18-2008, 10:32 AM

Hey girls...

I hope this thread doesn't make me seem whiny or TOO girlie (lol) but I'm feeling a little sensitive today and I need some of your wonderful words of wisdom! (I am

today, and I tend to be overly emotional!)

I was just curious to know if anyone out there is familiar with this, or knows how I feel-Here it goes:
I know life can get very busy (work, school, bills, family, friends etc etc) but sometimes i feel so disconnected from my FI. We always manage to get back to that "place" and it feels great, but I hate this time when I feel like I never see him! He is super busy with scouting and coaching hocky + plus work on top of that, and i just get worried sometimes that we'll be one of those couples who grow apart and end up breaking up. He just called to tell me he loves me but for some reason i am being a girl and feel sad!

Our wedding is coming up soooo soon, so maybe that's why I'm feeling super sensitive?? Ugh, just reading this makes me feel pathetic!

Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest...

LC_Rachel · 09-18-2008, 10:39 AM

Kaylee- I don't think it's pathetic at all. My DH and I struggle with this all the time. He has a super crazy work schedule, plus he plays on THREE different sports teams. I rant about the last part alot because I think when he feels things are getting stretched a little too thin he needs to recognize that and give some time back to our relationship.

Anyways, my suggestion- take time to have date nights. It will give you guys an opportunity to reconnect, but make sure you do it often enough where you dont have that rollercoaster effect. Talk it out with your FI and determine what you guys need to do- one night a week, maybe you only need one night every two weeks to feel connected. Whatever works for the two of you. :)

KatyKo · 09-18-2008, 10:48 AM

First off...

...I believe we all know how those emotional times of the month can be...plus, you can whine/rant/whatever as much as you want here :)

I agree with LC Rachel. My FI and I have acutally started doing "date nights" and they are just wonderful. Just last night we went for dinner and a movie...we went on a Wed. night because movies are cheaper...but it was still very nice just to be with him, just the two of us.

You are probably stressing a little more because your big day is coming up so soon...GET EXCITED!!!

I hope this helped...a little :)

Chantal85 · 09-18-2008, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LC_Rachel

Anyways, my suggestion- take time to have date nights. It will give you guys an opportunity to reconnect, but make sure you do it often enough where you dont have that rollercoaster effect. Talk it out with your FI and determine what you guys need to do- one night a week, maybe you only need one night every two weeks to feel connected. Whatever works for the two of you. :)

I agree with Rachel. Make sure to set some time aside for each other, even if it's just one night a week. Do little special things "just because". If he packs a lunch, leave him a little note that he won't see until later. Just little things to keep each other in mind between all the chaos.

Just a good example of how you ca make it work, my parents have been married for 26 years. Both work shifts where they often don't get to see each other (one works nights the other is days) and what they do is make sure to do a little something special when they do find that time together. Even if it's just going out for Wednesday Wing night at the pub.

Don't fret too much....you are soooo close to the big day!

Maura · 09-18-2008, 10:57 AM

kaylee, first, i am over emo when i am pmsing too. dont feel dumb about it, i think its something we all go through.

second, i am going to recommend a short little book for you to read. my husband and i received it as a wedding gift from some friends. at first when they gave it to us, i was like "wtf, what do i need a book telling me how to keep love in my marriage and love my husband a specific way" but then i started to read it. the book is actually pretty good and gives some good solutions for people who have busy lives like we do - doing a regular date night is one suggestion, and i love this idea. we try to do this once a week. theres a lot of other helpful info in the book about how people have different ways of showing/receiving love from their partner.

the book is called the five love languages and the author is gary chapman. here's the website: The Five Love Languages

check out the website just to get an idea how the book sort of is. its a really easy read and it never hurts to build on an already solid relationship.

Hartyt509 · 09-18-2008, 01:51 PM

Happens to everyone but it doesn't bother me lol I've not spoken to FI for 3 weeks and its been really peaceful lmao I think if I saw him more than 2 x a month it would do me in lol we are so different its unreal lol

Only prob is my aunt has turned into my stalker!! I've turned my bloody phone off lmao

Kelly C · 09-18-2008, 01:55 PM

Kaylee, your feelings are normal. We are coming up on our dates soooo fast. And I think the stess gets to us alittle. I agree with the girls do a date night just the two of you. Even if you stay in. Order out get movies and just be together.

KAMAY11 · 09-18-2008, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kelly C

Kaylee, your feelings are normal. We are coming up on our dates soooo fast. And I think the stess gets to us alittle. I agree with the girls do a date night just the two of you. Even if you stay in. Order out get movies and just be together.

I KNOW!!! KELLY OUR BIG DAY IS COMING UP SUPER FAST! I CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE THE MANY PINA COLADAS, CERVESAS AND MARGARITAS I WILL CONSUME!!!

THANK YOU FOR THE GREAT ADVICE!! i KNOW I'LL GET OVER IT SOON...

FLgator · 09-18-2008, 03:08 PM

I can totally relate!!

My FI is a college baseball coach, plus he has another full time job. Certain seasons are worse than others, but during the spring I never see him. When it comes that time I always complain and whine, but I have promised myself to be better about it because I knew what I was getting into. He is very committed to furthering his baseball career and it has to be life or death for him to miss a game or practice. We even planned our wedding around baseball season!

We just try to have date nights when we can, and I look forward to the breaks between seasons.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding and good luck!

KLC77 · 09-18-2008, 05:18 PM

Kaylee, I know exactly where you are coming from. FI and I hardly ever see each other any more. I joke with him that the next time we see each other will be at our wedding (even tho its not funny). I agree with pp to try to set up a date night. If he's super busy, maybe just every two weeks or something. Or it doesn't have to be a date 'night', you can go to breakfast or for a walk. Anything where you have time just to talk and feel like you're connecting. FI and I are trying to do this. We need more moments to just 'be' together.

I would also recommend the book that Maura mentioned. I've read it and it really makes a lot of sense. The next step is to get FI to read it...