Family to be making me angry!!!

Melissa · 09-14-2008, 07:07 PM

Before we decided to plan a cruise destination wedding we talked to friends and family members the majorit were like count us in blah blah.. well just like I have read on here now everyone is backing out. Well the biggest dissappointment is my in-laws to be. My FI's father called up making excuses about the cost of flights saying that they are $1200 per person, I found flights for $300 per person so my FI called his parents and told them so then his mother called me today and started the conversation out, "I am calling to appologize for not being able to attend my son's wedding! WHAT.....am I not a part of this event...then she went on about how maybe they could have went if his sister would'nt have hd to get a new furnace....ummm and that is whose problem. Then to top it off she asked me 3 times to please not get married in St. Thomas and get married here....NO! She was completely appalled at the fact I told her no! We never planned on his sister and her family going but his 2 brothers and thier families were all in now we are hearing excuses from them too! For goodness sakes it is their son and their brother and they are making excuses! I just feel bad for my FI and it makes me very upset that it is even an issue. Maybe I am being selfish because I want his family there but if they really had a legitimate reason such as they can not afford it we would completely understand but they can all afford this. In fact my FI's mother said she is afraid to drive like some people are afraid to fly and the thought of driving down in Feb and again in April ( because they go down for the whole month of April) made her sick. I say skip the April trip and make it in Feb... but then again that would not be convient for the sister. ARGH!!!! I am ready to scream and I have no one to scream!! I have tried to just brush this off and say oh well you are going to miss a great time but it really hurts me that they do not want to be a part of our special day. Sorry for all the complaining... I just needed to get this out!

Yari · 09-14-2008, 07:33 PM

Sorry you are dealing with this! IT sucks big! For some reason DW bring out the craziness in people.

tvt · 09-14-2008, 07:39 PM

that sucks! i agree with Yari, DWs bring out some strange sides of people you never even knew they had

Agape Gems · 09-14-2008, 07:47 PM

I think weddings in general bring out the worst in some people. I went thru the same thing with DH's family and in the end I just accepted that the DW was what i wanted, not what they wanted, and I either needed to give up my vision in order to have them be part of it or just let them deal with the fact that they missed their sons wedding. I'm sure you can guess what i decided and it was the best decision b/c it showed both of our families that we are now our own family and will be doing what is best for us from now on.

Christa · 09-14-2008, 07:48 PM

When is your wedding? I bet things will change between now & then.

But, yeah, ditto on what the ladies above say - whacky family stuff abounds at some point during ANY type of wedding planning.

PhillyBride09 · 09-14-2008, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melissa

Before we decided to plan a cruise destination wedding we talked to friends and family members the majorit were like count us in blah blah.. well just like I have read on here now everyone is backing out. Well the biggest dissappointment is my in-laws to be. My FI's father called up making excuses about the cost of flights saying that they are $1200 per person, I found flights for $300 per person so my FI called his parents and told them so then his mother called me today and started the conversation out, "I am calling to appologize for not being able to attend my son's wedding! WHAT.....am I not a part of this event...then she went on about how maybe they could have went if his sister would'nt have hd to get a new furnace....ummm and that is whose problem. Then to top it off she asked me 3 times to please not get married in St. Thomas and get married here....NO! She was completely appalled at the fact I told her no! We never planned on his sister and her family going but his 2 brothers and thier families were all in now we are hearing excuses from them too! For goodness sakes it is their son and their brother and they are making excuses! I just feel bad for my FI and it makes me very upset that it is even an issue. Maybe I am being selfish because I want his family there but if they really had a legitimate reason such as they can not afford it we would completely understand but they can all afford this. In fact my FI's mother said she is afraid to drive like some people are afraid to fly and the thought of driving down in Feb and again in April ( because they go down for the whole month of April) made her sick. I say skip the April trip and make it in Feb... but then again that would not be convient for the sister. ARGH!!!! I am ready to scream and I have no one to scream!! I have tried to just brush this off and say oh well you are going to miss a great time but it really hurts me that they do not want to be a part of our special day. Sorry for all the complaining... I just needed to get this out!

Aww..I'm sorry! that sucks!!
I feel your pain....We had a similar situation with my brother.
I, Too, Also called everyone who was important to see if they would be able to come, BEFORE we decided on this wedding and they were all like, we're there, no problem....And of all the people who I figured would tell me they couldn't afford it, My brother wasn't one of them....But..He and his family aren't coming.
But Ya know...I've come to realize that those who don't come...Just don't rely understand how truly wonderful a Destination Wedding in....and they miss out on the experience and For those that do make it, I think they will walk away with a whole new image of what a Wedding can be like.
So, Yes, I know your mad and it does stink, especially for your FI...But this day is about you and him...No one else....So try to move past it and continue to enjoy your planning and Etc.....

NotYourAverageDW · 09-14-2008, 07:56 PM

Vent all you want. That's what we're here for. DW weddings sometimes show us rather painfully who we really matter to.

In our case, I never really wanted a DW. All my friends and family offered to fly up. FI's family begged for years for a DW. So we've decided. Nothing is offical yet, but we've asked his mother several times, who will come ONLY to have her say, just the parents and one aunt, uncle and their kids. No one on the dad's side. And no one else on the mom's side. Needless to say we are pissed off! That's why we are now confirming everything to give them ample time to plan and save. We're even offering to help pay the way for some family(as in match them 60-40% or 70-30% - they are the 70-60%). I'm just waiting for them to make up more excuses.

The worst part is that I gave up my dream venue to give them their DW and now it looks like no one cares.

I'm sorry to hijack, but I know how you feel. Most of us do. DW always have drama due to family and friends.

stltk · 09-14-2008, 10:14 PM

So sorry you are having to go through this when you are SUPPOSED to be planning the best day of your life! Family can sure make a person crazy sometimes for sure.
I have a similar situation myself in that none of my FI's family will be going with us to Jamaica. It's not a money issue either, who knows the real reason why they chose not to be there with us,but they wont be joining us.

So, like my FI has said again and again, WE (him & I) will be there for sure & that's really all that matters in the end. Sure, having more people there with us would be fantastic and make it more special. But, unfortunately even the people we love the most let us down sometimes and it does hurt. You have a right to be pissed, it's disappointing. Arggghhh!!

So, us BDW gals are here for you to listen. Usually, you feel better once you let it out and vent. We understand and will listen & give big hugs back. Hang in there, remember it's all about you & your FI in the end & nobody else.

Melissa · 09-15-2008, 07:11 AM

Thanks to everyone for all your encouraging words. We are getting Married February 17th so I thought we were giving people pleanty of notice and time to budget this in. My FI keeps telling me we are the only ones who matter and as long as were there it will still happen. Haha Well I plan on being there and last I knew he was too :).

I agree with everyone family can bring out the craziness in you especially when there is a wedding being planned. This is both our second marriages so we have decided what happens it will be our way and no one is going to influence it!

I think it would be easier for me to deal with if it were a money issue for the family but just like some of you said it isn't. Unfortunately my soon to be mother inlaw loves drama and I think that this is now her new fix. See how pissed off she can make the noobie... well she is not going to get the best of me!

In the end I honestly think what makes me angry is that my FI's mother and sister have been batteling with his sister in law for years and that was one of the first questions that was asked "will they be attending" - then the other remark that was made was if all the rest of the family would be attending except for his sister then it is not fair because her family could not come - well i can not help that she insists on staying home and not getting a job even though both her kids are in school. The sister is always an issue in EVERY family decision when it comes to anything that has money involved, actually it is always about what will make her happy...Ugh! I thik I am doomed!

Good luck to everyone else that is going through something similar I know it totally SUCKS and I REFUSE to let them ruine this for us!

Sah · 09-15-2008, 07:58 AM

Great attitude! Melissa way to stand up for yourself and your day. At the end of the day your fiance is right. As long as you two are happy.... I understand that you're trying to do the right thing and its so unbelievable that they won't prioritize this. But enjoy yourself. Its going to be a really special day for you and your fiance!! best of luck!!