HELP!!! What to do about...

CayoLargo · 08-25-2008, 03:22 PM

OK this might be long winded but I really need some advice. families are frustrating!

First off...My bridal party situation

FI has only one girl standing up for him
I have two girls standing up for me
Dilemma: How do I pick which of my girls stand up for me (signs the paper)?
Do I treat my FI grooms-woman the same as a bridesmaid? (does she get ready with me and the girls on the day of, gets ready with my FI, walks down beach aisle or stands at front with FI, etc.)

Next...Dad situation

Background: My mother did not tell me about my biological father until I was 15 and I found him just 5 years ago...he did not know about my existence at all so our relationship is still growing. Meanwhile my mother married a man I can dad when I was a baby and I always thought he was my dad up until I was 15. We are very close!

Dilemma: I want to walked down the aisle by my dad (married mom) but I feel like I owe it to my bio dad to include him but do not want my dad (married mom) to feel cheated out as he has been the one there for me. Is there a way to include them both, and make me feel guilt free as well as be walked down the aisle?

I hope this makes a lot of cents as my Fi gets confused all the time! LOL

Can't wait for some suggestions.

Another thought...how to I break the news to the dads in the future, no matter what I decide?

Alyssa · 08-25-2008, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CayoLargo

OK this might be long winded but I really need some advice. families are frustrating!

First off...My bridal party situation

FI has only one girl standing up for him
I have two girls standing up for me
Dilemma: How do I pick which of my girls stand up for me (signs the paper)?
Do I treat my FI grooms-woman the same as a bridesmaid? (does she get ready with me and the girls on the day of, gets ready with my FI, walks down beach aisle or stands at front with FI, etc.)

Next...Dad situation

Background: My mother did not tell me about my biological father until I was 15 and I found him just 5 years ago...he did not know about my existence at all so our relationship is still growing. Meanwhile my mother married a man I can dad when I was a baby and I always thought he was my dad up until I was 15. We are very close!

Dilemma: I want to walked down the aisle by my dad (married mom) but I feel like I owe it to my bio dad to include him but do not want my dad (married mom) to feel cheated out as he has been the one there for me. Is there a way to include them both, and make me feel guilt free as well as be walked down the aisle?

I hope this makes a lot of cents as my Fi gets confused all the time! LOL

Can't wait for some suggestions.

Another thought...how to I break the news to the dads in the future, no matter what I decide?

so as for the women situation -who is FI's grooms-woman? if it is someone that you are looking to build a stronger relationship with, then by all means include her in the girls stuff! if this is a rare and special opportunity for your FI to spend time with GW then let them do their thing and you hang with your girls.

as for the dad's - i would ask the dad that raised you to walk you down the aisle and the bio dad to be a reader - maybe the only reader - so he can do a meaningful part of the ceremony

CayoLargo · 08-25-2008, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alyssa

so as for the women situation -who is FI's grooms-woman? if it is someone that you are looking to build a stronger relationship with, then by all means include her in the girls stuff! if this is a rare and special opportunity for your FI to spend time with GW then let them do their thing and you hang with your girls.

as for the dad's - i would ask the dad that raised you to walk you down the aisle and the bio dad to be a reader - maybe the only reader - so he can do a meaningful part of the ceremony

We are not doing readings...just a simple ceremony on the beach then pictures then small reception no speeches, MC's or things like that. Just Dinner and then some dancing...and that is another thing...who dances with who and such...I love to dance so that is definitely happening...

I am rambling! Sorry.

STACEY · 08-25-2008, 03:32 PM

As for the grooms women, I think I need more info on her. As for your dads walking you down the isle. Fi you want them both included, why dont you have them both walk you down the isle, that way no one feels left out.

CayoLargo · 08-25-2008, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by STACEY

As for the grooms women, I think I need more info on her. As for your dads walking you down the isle. Fi you want them both included, why dont you have them both walk you down the isle, that way no one feels left out.

The Grooms woman has been friends with my FI for many many years and I have only met her about 4 times. We are not close but do email and little back and forth. Not sure what else to say...

As for them both walking me down the aisle...does that not make my dad (married mom) feel cheated a bit as he has been the one with me all the years...this is why I am confused.

sunshinekc08 · 08-25-2008, 03:39 PM

If I was you, I would definitely take your FI BM to lunch or something to get to know you and your other BM's, so when it is time to all get ready, she can get ready with you all the girls and feel really comfortable. I also think she will feel very important if you make the effort to get all the BM's together to get to know each other before the wedding.

I really think its up to you where you want her to stand. I would even them out, but these days you don't have to be so traditional and formal. So that is completely up to you.

As far as who signs for you, if they both are equally important to you, do something fun like, rock paper scissors, draw straws, hula hoop race, cooking contest, ect.. Just say, I love you both & I really can't choose between you both, lets do something fun to decide.

My girlfriend had a bio dad & a step dad & they both walked her down the aisle. when they asked "Who gives this woman?" Step-dad said "her mother & I", bio said "I do"

I thought it was very sweet. I would call your Step-dad first, since you are closest to him & tell him what you decide. Let him know you haven't told your bio dad yet, so he fells important. I would just be honest with both of them.

Remember this is your wedding & if someone gets upset b/c of your decisions, than just remind them, you are not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, these are tough decisions & if they can't understand that and not take things personally, then how much do they really care about YOU?

I really thing being honest is the best thing & most everyone will understand if you tell them from your heart!

STACEY · 08-25-2008, 03:44 PM

I completly understand how you feel, about hurting your dads feelings.

I am closer to my step dad than my real dad. However I decided to have both of them walk be down the isle. I talked it over with my step dad and he understood. I bet if you talked to your dad he would understand. As for your bio dad, if he has tried to be a part of your life now, it would also be an honor. However if you are thinking about a way to include him so that he doesnt feel left out, or you feel guilty, I think you should let it go. I bet he would be honered just by being invited.

mummergirl · 08-25-2008, 03:50 PM

have you picked one of your two girls as your maid of honor? (i have both a matron of honor and a maid of honor ... lucky me, one of them is married and the other is not, so i wasn't forced to choose, haha)! and anyway, why does it have to be a bridesmaid or groomsman who signs the paper as your witness? for my wedding in mexico, the witnesses who sign must also fulfill the 4-day time period, and i'm not sure that anyone in our wedding party will be there that long, so it may end up being our mothers who sign!

i would include your fiance's friend as a bridesmaid with your girls. for instance, my fiance's aunt is one of my bridesmaids. if i had a guy i wanted in the wedding, he would have stood with the groomsmen.

as for the dad situation, i would consider adding a reading to your ceremony so that you can include your biological dad that way. i'm sure the man who raised you will feel that he's the one who should walk you down the aisle to "give you away," as well as be the one to do the father/daughter dance. also, be sure to have a photo taken with just you and your biological dad.

not to muck things up, but is your biological dad paying for any part of the wedding? if he is, then etiquette also plays a part ...

tvt · 08-25-2008, 03:52 PM

hmm, here's my first thought after reading your situation.

have dad (married to mom) walk you down the isle and have bio dad meet you there and they both give you away.

Groomswoman - should stay with FI since she is his part of the wedding party.

IMO anyway! Good luck figuring it all out!

Hartyt509 · 08-25-2008, 04:07 PM

Ok this could be really simple lol (famous last words)

As FI's BM what she would like to do. Say I'd love to involve you with all the girls but its your decision - let her make the decision lol As for signing I thought you needed 2 witnesses each, if thats the case both sorted you don't have to ask anyone over the other.

Ok dad situation. Again speak to your step-dad and ask him what he would like - at the end of the day he has brought you up and you've not known the other that long so its only fair he gets a say. If he says he's ok about it then ask bio dad if you are just starting to build your relationship he may feel uncomfortable and just be happy to be at the wedding as opposed to in it.

So really just ASK decision will probs be made for you lol