Some questions..please help!

Lillie09 · 08-17-2008, 12:44 PM

Hi All!
I have a few questions I hope some of you can help me with.
1. My fmil just asked what we plan on giving the guests because they are paying to come to our wedding. We plan on having the OOT bags and favors. She suggested we actually give a gift..such as a gift certificate to a restaurant to our guests. We absolutely cannot afford this.
Is anyone actually giving a gift like that to your guests? Are we wrong not doing this.
I'm giving parents a gift, my MOH, and Flower girls. Best man and ring bearer but not to all the guests.

2. We come from NY where everything is expensive. We are having a DW to save money and only have our very close family and friends. That being said, we are paying for everything and having a RD with just immediate family.

We cannot afford a welcome dinner. We honestly cannot afford anything but the reception.
Does anyone have any ideas on how we can incorporate all guests in the celebration. We were thinking about meeting for drinks after the RD but don't think we can afford paying for everyones drinks and then having the open bar for our reception the next night.
I'm so stressed/upset. I want everyone to enjoy themselves and not look at me as if I did nothing to "treat" them because they came to an Island to see us get married.
I don't know what to do! Please any suggestions will help! Thank you all so much.

Davematthews16 · 08-17-2008, 12:59 PM

I am doing the exact same thing you are. I've created the OOT bags and am giving gifts to the parents and wedding party. I absolutely wouldn't feel bad at all about not giving them an actual "gift". Hey, it's not like you are "putting them out", and getting married in Antarctica or something. Is your hotel all-inclusive?

Hartyt509 · 08-17-2008, 01:21 PM

Stuff that - tell her if she wants to give people gifts to buy them herself!!

You aren't putting a gun to their heads to make them come to the wedding they want to come and lets face it if they knew that by giving them all a pressie it made you really skint they wouldn't want it.

Stick to your plans. If people want to meet for a drink then they can it does NOT mean you have to buy all the drinks

I'm not giving any of my guests gifts and nor am I doing OOT bags, its not done in the UK anyway and our luggage has really low restrictions. FI did say he wanted to get something for his mother and my response was wtf for she's paying for nothing and she's a PITA - if he wants to get her something HE pays for it lol there again i can't stand the cow lmao

MelanieS · 08-17-2008, 01:38 PM

Your guests won't be expecting a gift, so don't feel pressured into buying them one. The OOT bags and favors are a perfect way to tell them thanks for coming and sharing your wedding day. A DW is an event alot of people will never even get the opportunity to be invited to or attend. The ones that do go to your wedding really want to be there to see you get married; they are not going for the opportunity to receive a gift.

Kelly C · 08-17-2008, 01:51 PM

I agree with everyone. They are not expecting to receive a gift for coming to your wedding. And if FMIL insist she can buy them. IMO. Thats crap. We are not excepting any imput if they are not forking up the money to help. My mom actually think I went over board on my OOT bags. We are having a party at our house the saturday before we leave and giving out the bags and letting everyone meet and get to know each other. Maybe that would work instead of a welcome dinner.?.

Lillie09 · 08-17-2008, 02:23 PM

Thanks everyone!
The hotel is not in an all-inclusive but everyone is getting a pretty good deal by going through a travel agent.
I'm just going to do what I'm doing and not worry about what anyone thinks. Everyone invited to this wedding I am very very close to so I can't imagine anyone even thinking that I should have given them a $50 gift on top of everything else! I thought it was a very nervy suggestion..but I do love her. She tries.

I just want everyone to have a good time. We are really trying to plan a elegant, classy nice wedding so everyone enjoys themselves. We are on a tight budget.

EricaG · 08-17-2008, 02:29 PM

I think that having the OOt bags is good enough. That is a Thanks for coming gift and no one will even be expecting that. I think the $50 gift card is pushing it, after all, it is your wedding and they are getting a holiday out of it too.

lauren · 08-17-2008, 04:43 PM

i think oot bags and favors are plenty. there's no reason to give a gift - you're the one getting married! as far as a RD, why not casually tell people to meet you for drinks? if you don't send an invite or anything, people will be less likely to assume that you'll be buying. when you see them there, you could just say, "hey, we'll probably be at XXX bar at XX:00, if you're not doing anything, you should meet us there!" no one forced them to come, and they should NOT be expecting anything.

adias.angel · 08-17-2008, 06:10 PM

I agree with everyone on here, the OOT bags and favors are enough. It is like my sis keeps reminding me, she is getting a killer vacation out of this.

Erica053009 · 08-17-2008, 08:06 PM

The OOT bags and Favors are the gift ...That is the definition of a favor...and oot bags are a extra bonus...Don't feel bad for not giving more you invited your guest to join you in the most intimate moment and that proves your appreciation of them in your lives and you don't need to put yourself in the poor house to prove it.

I am doing a welcome dinner but it is AI and I am making the reservations for the immediate family and then meeting everyone at the bar for AI drinks