In Dire Need of Sound Advice - PLEASE help!!!!! - Page 2

AprilandPatrick · 08-08-2008, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jpitts78

I hate when families do that... this your and your FI's day. Do what will make the both of you happy. Unfortunately you will not be able to make everyone happy, but still this is YOUR day, not theirs. It will suck that they are going to bitch and complain... and as well, if you are paying for it, make it the way you guys want and invite only those you want... if FMIL wants others to be there, she can pay for it then?

I just read all the postings to my FI, and he totally agrees. I feel so much better that others are on the same page with me. Sometimes it's hard to see the forrest through the trees. Thank you for your kind words!

AprilandPatrick · 08-08-2008, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Davematthews16

First of all I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. He will be in our thoughts an prayers :) Second of all, let me get this strait: You are the one paying for the wedding and they've talked you out of Mexico and into Oklahoma? WTF? I know you are stressed out but you MUST remember that this is YOUR day and it's about you and your man, NO ONE ELSE! Yes family is important, but when it comes to your wedding day, you should stick to your guns and get married where your heart wants to. What does your FI say about it all? I would do what most of us are doing and get married in Mexico and have an AHR in your home town. It's not fair that you are this stressed over it

Remember, everyone always thinks they know what's best for you, and everyone always has a "better" idea for you, but you are the only one who really knows. I think you will regret it forever if you don't get married where you want. :)

Girl, you are so sweet. Thank you!
Yep, it's craziness!!!!!!!!!!! I just sent my FI to the liquor store for some Rum! It just really hurts that this is supposed to be an event of love, and they dish out B.S.!!!!!!!! I think that the ultimate feeling is rejection, and then all that I'm going through, it just sucks! My fiance agrees with all the responses, as do I. I think I'm going to write a letter (very appapro) tp convey my feelings.
Thanks again, you rock.

AprilandPatrick · 08-08-2008, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JUSTUSTWO

April, first, I'm sorry to hear about your father. That alone must be hard to deal with.
I don't have too many words of wisdom except to tell you to follow your heart. If YOUR dream is to marry in Mexico & your FI wants the same thing, then go with that. This is your wedding, not your MIL's. You have to do what you guys want. Trying to make other people happy while sacrificing your own wants is not going to work. As you have already seen, since you've changed the date & location before, you can't make everyone happy. No matter where you have your wedding, there will be people that want to attend but won't. Since that is the case, you may as well do what you two want to do.

You say that your FI's family believes that you are the one making all of the decisions. Has your FI said anything to them? Do they know that he wants the wedding in Mexico too? I suggest having him sit down with his family & let them know that he is taking part in the planning & the decisions and that getting married in Mexico is what he wants!
All in all, don't let their guilt trips get to you anymore. You are not the bad guy & you shouldn't feel like it.

Thank you so much for your kind words - you are so sweet.

To answer you, yes, my FI has talked to them, but they don't listen!!!!! It's unbelievable how narrow minded they have been through all of this. You are right, I need to sit down and convey everything in hopes that they will listen.
And yes, my FI definitely wants the wedding in Mexico - he is all in:)

Thanks again girl!

Kelly C · 08-08-2008, 03:06 PM

I agree with Aylssa. You go girl! Its your wedding do what you want. Let us know what happens.

Cattie · 08-08-2008, 03:09 PM

April,

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, he'll be in our thoughts and prayers.

About the wedding, if you're paying for all of it, hands down it should be what you and your FI should want. Tell your FMIL that once she starts handing over her CC or checkbook she can then have a say. If she's so persistant of having a AHR for her friends, let her. But make sure she's coughing up the cost of it. If she can't flip flop her travel schedule for her son to get married she has a priority issue.

This is YOUR day, this is YOUR wedding. Make it as special as YOU want it to be.

loveangel0610 · 08-08-2008, 03:15 PM

It's so unfortunate that you have to go through this. Families kill me trying to control some one elses wedding. I'm sure no one told them where to marry and if they did I'm sure they didn't listen. If Mexico is what you and your FI want then I say go for it. Screw his family. If they want to see you two get married then they will be there.

AprilandPatrick · 08-08-2008, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alyssa

Hi April,

Ok, I am going to respond in a bullet point fashion because you sound like such a nice person and i feel like FMIL is bullying you and it is pissing me off - since I am

ing out of my mind, I am afraid that if I answer you in a paragraph form, I may freak out on your FMIL and FI's family

.

This is your and FI's weddiing - you are on the same page that you want it in Mexico - not an option to have it ANYWHERE else.
YOU are paying for this wedding - if you don't have the wedding YOU and FI want, you will never, ever forgive yourself.
your FMIL needs to get over her-self - this isn't about her and if she can't 'accomodate' her own son's wedding, she has much bigger problems than travel dates.
I suggest putting an end to the madness and letting FMIL know that you and FI understand that this is not the exact situation she would like but this is when /where your wedding will be. Further, let her know that she is welcome to host and pay for an AHR for her friends and family that cannot make it if that is something important to her (don't you pay for that too!!)
Finally, if you allow FMIL and FI's family to control you now at the beginning of your marriage, it will never stop and continue to get worse.

Good Luck and

!
Alyssa

This is exactly the response I needed to hear. I feel so much better, and girl you are keeping it real! lol.

Seriously though, a million thank you's for calling it how you see it. You're right, I have to put a stop to this madness. I'm a very independent person, and this negative energy has drained me and blinded my decisions, hense the cancellation of plans. I feel that I'm back on track. Despite my independence, I still have feelings and they have been trampled on enough. Why can't some people just be happy for others?

Thanks again, I APPRECIATE you.

AprilandPatrick · 08-08-2008, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loveangel0610

It's so unfortunate that you have to go through this. Families kill me trying to control some one elses wedding. I'm sure no one told them where to marry and if they did I'm sure they didn't listen. If Mexico is what you and your FI want then I say go for it. Screw his family. If they want to see you two get married then they will be there.

Thanks girl - and we ARE going for it!!!!!! Thank you for the support!

AprilandPatrick · 08-08-2008, 03:26 PM

Girl thank you so much!!!!!

I feel so much better now!

Alyssa · 08-08-2008, 03:46 PM

you're welcome April and P.S. thanks for changing the siggy size!

Also, the 4 little buttons on the last post of a thread say:

EDIT QUOTE MQ QR

that is for:

Edit - to edit your post (if it's yours)

Quote - to quote ONLY that post

MQ - to 'multi-quote' and respond to multiple posts at once

QR - quick reply - this allows you to reply to a thread by using the box at the bottom and posting a "quick reply' instead of hitting the "post reply" button on the left.

:)