Cultural differences -- who pays?

meghan1177 · 08-08-2008, 11:09 AM

A couple of years back, I was the MOH in a friends wedding in the UK. For her wedding, she/her family paid for my dress, shoes, tiara, and hair. We went to a spa the day before that I paid for myself, but that was really the only thing. For the week up to the wedding, we stayed at her parents house. The only time I paid for accomodation was the night of the wedding when we all stayed at the reception hotel.

So, I'm obviously going to pay for her dress. I'm planning to buy the shoes (flip flops) and pay for wedding day hair for everyone. I'm also hoping to treat everyone to manicures and pedicures the day before. So this leaves the question of hotel. We were thinking that we would pay for her and her husband's room and her parents' room for the night of the wedding and the night before. Does that seem reasonable?

Also, I have another bridesmaid coming from the UK -- and it only seems fair that I do the same for her and her parents. FI is in a similar situation with a friend of his who was married in China and so we will be picking the hotel for him as well (again, the night before and the night of the wedding).

I just want to check to see if this seems like a reasonable way to do this -- and to see if anyone thinks the other bridesmaids and all the groomsmen will be upset. I'm sure we can keep it lowkey so that not everyone knows -- and I'm pretty comfortable in the fact that is reciprocal -- for example, my brother got married in FL and his wife is one of my bridesmaids and they didn't pay for my hotel room for their wedding (I was MOH) so I'm okay with asking them to pay for their own (which will probably get picked up by my dad anyway).

Any thoughts -- am I over thinking this? Obviously we want to be fair, but we also need to try to maintain our budget.

ErinB · 08-08-2008, 11:18 AM

I think if you can afford to do this it is fine. I don't know about paying for parents...

US tradition/etiquette states that the bride/groom should pay for or arrange lodging for any out of town bridal party member. I think this is an old custom, because how many of us have paid a fortune to be in someone's wedding?

I had all kinds of financial arrangements going on with my wedding. Some I paid for, some were loans, some I paid a part of, etc. If you choose to do this , I would just ask your international guests to please not mention the financial arrangements to anyone.

It's no one's business, but someone could be offended, especially if they don't know the whole story.

If you can't afford to do this, I don't think you need to. When people agree to come to a wedding or be in a wedding, they shouldn't expect everything to be free. I know that if I am in a wedding, I need to budget $1000 to cover travel, gifts, showers, bachelorette, dress, shoes, hair, etc.

meghan1177 · 08-08-2008, 02:25 PM

Affording it will be tight -- but we just want to make sure that we are making the best effort to be respectful and reciprocal as possible. I'm sure that they won't spread it around -- I'm just worried that we might not be paying enough (though I'm pretty sure we can't afford any more -- it's a conundrum).