How do you handle the "I hope I am invited" question?

[adias.angel]

HELP!!

We are having a small wedding, 10-15 people, and then a big party after we get home for everyone.

Last night got the "I hope I am invited question" from his grandmother. Unfortunately she isn't. I babbled something about not knowing anything yet since we had just start planning.

How do you handle this question when its asked and the person isn't invited? Thanks, Carla

[Kristy!]

We're limited to 40 people, so I just told people that. I said we'll celebrate with everyone back home afterwards and be sure to let them know all the details about the party. I found throwing an actual number out there helped.

[Maura]

i just told people "it's immediate family only and a few of our best friends" - obviously this wont work in your case... grams is not going to be happy that she's family and that you may have invited friends over her. just out of curiosity, why isnt she invited? you cant squeeze her in?

my own grandmother is mad at me for getting married, and is too sick to travel anyway. but if she had been supportive and wanted to come, we wouldve figured out a way to include her. we wouldnt pay for her trip or anything, but we would've cut someone else from the guest list in order for her to go - i shouldnt talk though, we sent out 300 invitations, and have 100 people showing up in mexico next week, so my wedding is nowhere near the "small and intimate" that i originally imagined.

[cmmdee]

We got this all the time and would just smile and grin.

We has a master guest list from the get-go. Anyone on it was not coming.

When you send out your invitse, that's it. You don't have to justify to anyone why you invited someone, etc.

If they press, you wanted it to be really small and that is why you're doing the big AHR. :)

[Alyssa]

Originally Posted by Maura

grams is not going to be happy that she's family and that you may have invited friends over her. just out of curiosity, why isnt she invited? you cant squeeze her in?

I was going to ask the same thing - sorry to pry but if you are having 15 people you are not eloping, it seems strange that FI's own grandmother wouldn't be invited?

[Kat81]

I really wish my Grandmother could have made it I would have paid for her trip had her doctor released her to go.... Is there a reason she isn't invited? I realize you want small and intimate but Grandma's aren't around forever. But if you really don't want her there I guess just send out your invites and everyone else will just have to deal with it. If they say something just start talking about the reception when you get home.

[adias.angel]

Thanks ladies :)

Originally Posted by Maura

just out of curiosity, why isnt she invited? you cant squeeze her in?

We have plenty of room but we just don't want her there. To make a VERY long story short his Grandma isn't invited because of some bad history with her. She has done some not so nice things to the family.

Plus she will spend the whole time being negative and making everyone miserable. My FI said he only wanted people there who would just be happy to be together. She is NOT on of those people.

In the end I have to let him make the call on who is invited on his side of the family.

[becks]

I think you're on the right track. Talk about the AHR, etc.

And when the day comes that you have to explain to her why she isn't invited - and it will - that message should be conveyed by FI and not you. His call; his message to deliver. Don't get involved in that. If she's not a particularly nice person, you don't want her wrath aimed at you.

Good luck!

[atlcatlover]

Wow, your FI's grandmother sounds exactly like my FMIL. Wonder if I can get away with not inviting her....

Seriously, I agree with everything that has been said here. Good Luck!

[Yari]

Since there is some bad blood with your FI's grandma, then I would leave it up to your FI to tell her and stay out of it. I think the sooner she is aware of her not being invited the better.