rant about the difficulty of a destination wedding

lightforce · 07-24-2008, 06:52 PM

Help, I am at a lost here. This is probably not going to be a quality post.

so here's the deal. We've been trying to "plan" a wedding in Cabo, but this is our first wedding, we are really at a lost on what to do, not to mention this is the only destination wedding that we are ever part of. Our family is starting to tell us just have it locally, and asking us to have it on specific dates if we were to have it in Cabo. I understand that friends and family will want to be there, but at the same time they don't want to feel bad about spending too much for traveling. Since some friends and family are flying in from the east coast, they want to turn the experience into a vacation as well. so, i am trying to budget this as affordable as possible for them, as well as for us. since the AI is probably the cheapest route for us, I really want to book it there. But I am not sure if all my guests will be fond of staying at a hotel we tell them to, and the price tag is not going to be the best they can find.

how do you guys pull things off like this? should i have it at one of the AI then pay for 1/2 of all my guests room costs?

I hate to have $ to be the main concern here, and to have it come between friends and family. But it is something that is simply in the way.

Bianca · 07-24-2008, 07:14 PM

You can't make everyone happy. You need to decide who are the most important people to you and work with them. Parents, siblings, close relatives and friends. Cabo is def more expensive from the east coast(at least DC), so there isn't much to do there. I went with Rivera Maya for that reason. Pick out a resort that is affordable and then give people the option to stay somewhere else if they want. I think it would be a lot more reasonable to offer to pay day passes than 1/2 of the room costs, but if it fits into your budget, then go for it.

joshfrommontreal · 07-24-2008, 07:21 PM

If your guests don't want to stay at the same hotel you are at then most places have daily guest passes that you can buy in advance.

Another thing to remember is that local weddings aren't cheap either, not in the least. So if you have some time I would sit down and do up a budget for both. There's a possibility that the DW might actually be cheaper then staying there.

KLC77 · 07-24-2008, 08:11 PM

My Advice~ find a place that YOU and FI love, choose a date that is important to YOU and FI and make sure that it is affordable for YOU and FI. Then send out your STD's telling everyone when and where it is. The important people will be there, everyone else will deal with it. You will drive yourself crazy trying to make everyone happy, not to mention that it is impossible to accomplish. If they don't want to come for whatever reason, that's their loss.

lauren · 07-24-2008, 08:16 PM

the biggest problem w/ a dw is that someone will ALWAYS be unhappy...since you're the bride, that person should NOT be you. pick a place, pick a date. if people can come, great! if not, well, that's too bad.
we sent out an std that said (in other words) that we'd be delighted if you could join us, but understand if you can't. we told ppl that we were not having an ahr, and if they missed mexico, they missed the wedding. people complained about the dates, the money, everything you can think of, but in the end, the people that wanted to be there showed up w/ luggage, but no complaints.
put yourself first.

aeroo · 07-24-2008, 09:42 PM

We just announced our date and location. We told our guests that we would love it if they could stay at the same hotel as us, but that they had the option of staying wherever they wanted. We also left it up to people to book their own trip, but let them know if they needed help with anything we'd be there to help. It's was just so much easier that way.

The more you consult with people, the more opinions you'll get. I had to stop trying to cater to everyone because it is impossible to please all! Sure, some people couldn't make it, but what can you do? We expected that anyways, so all was good. Everything turned out fabulous and it will for you too!

Christi · 07-25-2008, 09:06 AM

And remember, if you decide to have it in the states not everyone will make that either and you will most likey get complaints about that too (travel costs, location, dates, etc)...As everyone has said...it's about what you and FI want and that really is all that matters...

Sidenote: I work in your hood and live in Morgan Hill :)

Dez921714 · 07-25-2008, 09:30 AM

First, if you are asking for everyone's opinions on things...DON'T! Sit down with FI and figure out what's more important to you and who are the most imporant people you want there!

For us it was our parents, so when we picked a date, we took into consideration that both his mom and my mom are in the school system. Even though they said not to worry and pic a date we want, we went with a 3 day weekend for them.

We also picked a location that we love and a reasort chain we love, so when we talk to people about it we get them excited. Also, I sent a letter otu with our STD's that basically said there are other hotels around if YOU want to find it (I'm not looking up hotels for people) and that if you stay somewhere else, we'll cover your day pass ONLY for the day of the wedding, so make sure the price difference is worth it.

I live in the NYC area and I can tell you that having a destination wedding is SIGNIFICANTLY cheaper than getting married here (we were planning a wedding here before I got laid off and we changed our plans).

Also, the second someone complains about the cost, I look and them and say "It's ok if you can't afford to come, we really do understand". and it helps shut them up.

Dez921714 · 07-25-2008, 09:31 AM

Also, we have people coming for as few as three nights and as many as 8...they are making it their vacations

beachbride08 · 07-25-2008, 09:53 AM

I agree with what everyone else said. You need to pick a location, resort and date that work for you and your FI. You also need to discuss with your FI (and no one else IMO) what your priorities are. Is your main thing having more people at the wedding or having your wedding in Cabo?

When we started planning we knew we wanted to have a small wedding and that is was going to be somewhere else. We were pretty open on the location, but had a few ideas in mind. The big thing for me was picking a location that was family friendly (I have much younger siblings and cousins, and FI's nephew that would be attending), centrally located and reasonably priced. We were flexible on the wedding date, but I did not want a summer wedding due to hurricane season. We also wanted to push the date out as far as we could so we would have enough time to save $ for the wedding ourselves and give family and friends enough notice and time to save their $ for the trip if they wanted to come.

No matter what you do or where you have your wedding there will be comments made and unhappy people. Do what you want and stop worrying about everyone else.