Advice on gawking FFIL- MOD pls delete after today, thx.

Jacqueline · 07-24-2008, 08:15 AM

So my FI's dad has a major wondering eye and is completely obvious about it. One time I remember my FMIL saying to him "Why dont u take a picture!" it was so bad he was staring at a younger woman. I mean, how degrading! My dad was never like that and would give my brother grief if he would act in a certain way that would degrade women (my bro used to love the ladies but has since settled down) So maybe my fam was raised differently, but Joe and I have gotten into some heated arguments over it b/c he said all guys do that and all guys are the same. I just feel like that isnt entirely true. It's one thing to look, I totally get that, but to gawk and make comments to your son and his friends, when his wife and girlfriends are around is uncalled for- right?? We go to the beach a lot so he is non stop scoping out the girls, and when we go out he ALWAYS has to go (he's tries to act liek he is 20 again) and he always stares at the ladies andmakes comments about their breasts, its gross. And by the way- FFIL is NO PRIZE and has a major comb over! He's one of thse guys me and my friends would be grossed out by if we saw him staring at us. I'm one of those girls who can NOT stand when men gawk, disresepct, or treat women like meat. Joe says it's none of my business what his dad does, but to me, it IS my business when he acts that way in front of me, he makes situations very uncomfortable. He has two daughters who are in their mid and late 20's for goodness sake!

So I need advice or opinions to make lite of this situation. :o( Very upset today.

starchild · 07-24-2008, 08:20 AM

Yeah that is uncalled for. I once overheard a man in a bar telling some other men the way he gave it to his wife the night before in detail...different story but same icky-ness/disrespectful factor.

Marriage doesn't make men blind, a hot woman is hot, but you can't do what ffil is doing. It's just skeezy. It sounds like his wife jokes about it because she is so used to it, no? I'm sorry, that is akward.

MelanieS · 07-24-2008, 08:26 AM

Frankly, I think if he's still doing this at this stage of his life, nothing you say or do is going to make him stop. Obviously his wife is uncomfortable with it but has been unable to curb his behavior. I think it's natural for men to look, but to make nasty public comments is rude, degrading, and immature.

SoontobeMrsE · 07-24-2008, 08:26 AM

OMG - I would definitely find a way to NOT include him when you guys go out. Maybe if your FI heard it from your girlfriends about how degrading and disgusting it is, he can talk to his dad.

Sort of bring it up in a roundabout way when your girlfriends and guys are both there so he can hear others views instead of just yours.

Jacqueline · 07-24-2008, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starchild

Yeah that is uncalled for. I once overheard a man in a bar telling some other men the way he gave it to his wife the night before in detail...different story but same icky-ness/disrespectful factor.

Marriage doesn't make men blind, a hot woman is hot, but you can't do what ffil is doing. It's just skeezy. It sounds like his wife jokes about it because she is so used to it, no? I'm sorry, that is akward.

I guess she is used to it but I feel like that dont make it ok. I wish she'd speak up for herself. She is an angel and is too sweet to say anything, but it HAS to make her feel bad about herself. There was an older woman one time when we were out, she was obviously older, but her boobs were done so they looked like a 20 year olds (ha) and he said "oh look look look, dont matter what the face looks like, ill put a bag over it!" i wanted to punch him!

Jacqueline · 07-24-2008, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoontobeMrsE

OMG - I would definitely find a way to NOT include him when you guys go out. Maybe if your FI heard it from your girlfriends about how degrading and disgusting it is, he can talk to his dad.

Sort of bring it up in a roundabout way when your girlfriends and guys are both there so he can hear others views instead of just yours.

oh no, he always has to go! he's a spazz about it. there used to be a cartoon years ago, with a big bulldog and a small tiny dog, and the tiny dog used to jump back and forth over the bulldog, and act all crazy and annoying, thats what he reminds me of.

one time we were down shore and me, joe and his sis wanted to stay in and chill and his dad was like "ohh you guys suck, come out to the bar, look at jackee, shes ready to go to bed, omg .." and he gave his stupid smerck so i just fired back at him "sorry im not going through a mid life crisis like u are, i dont need to go out every weekend!" joe got mad. whoops.

Jacqueline · 07-24-2008, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MelanieS

Frankly, I think if he's still doing this at this stage of his life, nothing you say or do is going to make him stop. Obviously his wife is uncomfortable with it but has been unable to curb his behavior. I think it's natural for men to look, but to make nasty public comments is rude, degrading, and immature.

I realize he wont change but I need to know what to do to ignore it. me and joe got in an arguement last night about it so i am really mad about it today.

i guess i just gotta let him be a perv and walk away next time. OH and klearn to bite my touge

beachbride08 · 07-24-2008, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacqueline

I guess she is used to it but I feel like that dont make it ok. I wish she'd speak up for herself. She is an angel and is too sweet to say anything, but it HAS to make her feel bad about herself. There was an older woman one time when we were out, she was obviously older, but her boobs were done so they looked like a 20 year olds (ha) and he said "oh look look look, dont matter what the face looks like, ill put a bag over it!" i wanted to punch him!

Your poor FMIL! I would have totally knocked him out. Sure, every guy and girl checks out the opposite sex when we see someone attractive, but you do not need to make comments like that. Wow, what an ass!

Kathie · 07-24-2008, 08:36 AM

That is gross. What I would do is to remove yourself from the situation. He'll get the message. She should speak up but after all these years it's not going to happen. That wouldn't happen in my house. I grew up with 3 brothers and my father taught them to respect women. My FI's family is the same. How uncomfortable for you. All guys don't do that, at least it's not obvious. What a pig!

yamille · 07-24-2008, 08:36 AM

It's totally disrespectful and obnoxious that he does that but unfortuantely he probably wont stop. I am assuming he is in his 50's/60's and my experience is that men that age may change a little but he probably thinks he's being "harmless".

There is a very "boys will be boys" mentality surrounding this in our culture and I hate it. I am Latin and it's even worse with those guys and teh whole machismo mentality. It sounds like your FMIL allows it to happen either because she truly doesn't care of maybe she is insecure.. or whatever her reason may be.

You do sound frustrated though so i will just offer up this one thought. When old men gawk and disrespect women I just think to myself how insecure and lonely they must be that they feel the need to make themselves feel either young and attractive again or manly. It's sort of sad but helps me get through the day dealing with pervs on NYC streets.

Still sucks though that you have to endure the awkwardness.