When to ask BM to be in wedding??

Jenkatherine · 07-23-2008, 06:25 AM

Here's my issue (sorry if this is confusing!)

We are planning on having 2 attendants each. My FI has asked his 2 guys, who have both said that they are in. Problem is, the 1 is very unreliable and the other will potentially have a prego wife at the time of our wedding. I have asked my MOH but am holding off on asking my second girl. I dont want to ask her and then be stuck in a situation where one of the guys backs out and then my FI has to ask someone just b/c I have 2 girls. . .I'd rather we just have 1 attendant each. At the same time I feel bad cuz I really want to ask my other girl sooner rather than later so that we can work on wedding stuff together and so that she doesnt feel like I waited til the last 2nd to ask her.

Important to note that we have asked everyone to contact our TA by 8/15 if they plan on travelling with us, so we'll have a better idea by then (which I guess isnt too far away. . .but feels like forever still!

Kathie · 07-23-2008, 06:31 AM

I don't think it would be a problem to have 2 BM and one GM at all. He can escort both of them. I wouldn't leave a friend out because of that.

403citygirl · 07-25-2008, 09:48 AM

Wait until after they are booked to ask them! Because I originally had asked 5 girls to be my BM, (right after we got engaged in January) who all enthusiastically said yes.. but over time they all came up with various excuses not to book the trip. School, moving away, can't afford it, work holidays, etc etc. It's a headache when people have commitment issues!! The wedding is 2 weeks away, and now I have selected 2 BM based on who is coming.

seaprincess · 07-25-2008, 09:50 AM

I agree...wait 3 weeks and see...once she books, ask her. Is there a 2nd guy you man can ask to stand up with him if need be?

Betsy · 07-25-2008, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 403citygirl

Wait until after they are booked to ask them! Because I originally had asked 5 girls to be my BM, (right after we got engaged in January) who all enthusiastically said yes.. but over time they all came up with various excuses not to book the trip. School, moving away, can't afford it, work holidays, etc etc. It's a headache when people have commitment issues!! The wedding is 2 weeks away, and now I have selected 2 BM based on who is coming.

This is exactly what happened to me. I totally agree!!

KLC77 · 07-25-2008, 09:46 PM

You can have 2 BM and one GM and when they walk back down the aisle he can escort both- one on each arm. We are either having 2 BM and 1 GM or 2 BM and 4 GM... I'm not changing who I ask based on who he asks. I think it can work for you.

mrslbs · 08-23-2008, 07:32 AM

We are having 2 BM and 3 GM - My FI originally had 2 GM, and a third kind of just assumed he was in, so he was going to ask one of his originals to step out so he didn't hurt the last ones feelings, but I told him I would rather he have the guys he originally wanted, but I didn't want to add another just as a "place holder" so we will just have 2 GM walk down with my 2nd BM -works perfect for us!

nicole.gia · 08-23-2008, 07:44 AM

I think you should have who you want as your bridesmaids and not base it on numbers. It seems more and more common now not to have both sides matching in respect to numbers. Hope this helps!

Debs · 08-23-2008, 07:57 AM

Another vote for wait till they actually book. Less stress on them if they bail (in letting you down). Once they are committed to go, then ask them. :)

beachbride08 · 08-24-2008, 05:32 AM

I agree with waiting until people book that way they don't feel obligated if something comes up and won't be able to make it. This will happen more than you think. It will also be less stress on you when those that you pre-selected bail. I don't think the sides have to be even. Mine aren't!