How to uninvite a BM

Nrvsbride · 01-22-2007, 01:23 PM

So awhile back when my FI and I started researching a traditional at home wedding we came to the conclusion that we wanted a bridal party and a large one too (Well actually I wanted a small one but he felt that he absolutely had to have the 10 people he chose). I had originally asked a close friend of mine to be in my bridal party. Now that we are having a DW we are still going to have a bridal party but a much smaller one. I have now decided that I don't really want her in it. If I was just having family then this wouldn't be a problem explaining to her that I can't have her in it. There is more to this story which is too long to go into but basically we are not so close anymore (in fact I haven't spoken to her in over a month) and there have been some recent events that have made me realize that she's not such a good friend (I'm just a good forgiver. LOL). I want to figure out a way to tell her that I don't want her to be my BM anymore but I don't think there is any tactful way of doing it. Furthermore, I have another friend who I was originally not going to ask to be a BM but I have now changed my mind and decided to ask her. My first friend will be so pissed when she finds out that Friend #2 will be a BM and she won't. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can handle this? And how soon (my wedding being 1 1/2 year away) do I have to tell her.

-Glenda

Natalie Z · 01-22-2007, 01:27 PM

well are you still going to invite friend #1? If not then I would just explain to her that due to the current issues that have come about you don't want to have her represent you in your marriage. Since you haven't spoken in over a month than I'm sure she wouldn't be shocked?

TammyB · 01-22-2007, 01:34 PM

Well if in the next 3-6 months you still haven't talked to her then you may not have an issue about telling her, you could just say "well since we haven't talked in so long I asked so and so to be my BM" IF you two do talk every now and then, maybe assign her a special duty to do on your wedding day, maybe read something or fetch a bottle of water..lol But I would wait it out for now, because alot can happen in 1.5 years.

Christine · 01-22-2007, 01:36 PM

Glenda, after hearing about the cut-throat world of NYC weddings, this is a scary issue. I would first let her know that you are having a small wedding party and maybe use the excuse I used in the beginning when choosing a small party ("we are only having people who were invovled with us as a couple, ie his best friend was there the night we first started dating/talking, my girl friends lived with me the first year we were together") I would come up with an excuse like that.
Or maybe don't even call her, wait until she calls you and then say, well gosh I hadn't heard from you, so I assumed you didn't want to still be in the wedding...

BEACHBRIDEMA · 01-22-2007, 01:36 PM

I would make it seem like b/c you are going away you feel bad asking her to pay all this money for the trip and then to have to put out for a dress and all the expenses that come along with a wedding. You never know she may be kind of relieved that you dont want her to be a BM anymore. If this dosnt work I would just be honest with her. The wedding is a long time away and I am sure she will het over it!
Hope this helps!
Sarah

Christine · 01-22-2007, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAMMYM

Well if in the next 3-6 months you still haven't talked to her then you may not have an issue about telling her, you could just say "well since we haven't talked in so long I asked so and so to be my BM" IF you two do talk every now and then, maybe assign her a special duty to do on your wedding day, maybe read something or fetch a bottle of water..lol But I would wait it out for now, because alot can happen in 1.5 years.

wow, Tammy we wrote that at the same time-weird...great minds think alike

Nrvsbride · 01-22-2007, 01:41 PM

Well I was hoping to just ride it out for as long as possible and not even ask anyone to be a BM until the last possible minute. But my FI wants to post pics of his GM in our website and she is bound to see it and then what will I do? And another friend of ours is getting married so I will run into her there. It is so annoying b/c I asked her to be a BM but she has never once called me to ask me what is going on or if I needed help with anything. And all my other friends always offer to help with things. (In case anyone is curious she has a terrible relationship with her "BF" read: he is a lawyer but lives in her apt. for free but refuses to be seen with her in public and in order to make him jealous she told her BF that my FI hit on her. She even admitted to me that she made the whole thing up and the night that my FI supposedly hit on her he was with me the entire night. Not only that but my FI has never liked her as a person--even before hearing about this incident--so to think that he would hit on her is ridiculous. My FI lives 2 hours away from her and never goes out except on the weekends when I am always with him. She even ended up admitting that she lied to her BF. ) Do you think I can get away with telling her that my FI does not feel comfortable having her as a BM b/c of the lie she told? And yes she will still be invited.

-Glenda

BEACHBRIDEMA · 01-22-2007, 01:44 PM

I would definately tell her that it would be way to uncomfortable with her in the wedding b/c of the thing with your FI and I dont think I would even invite her after she pulled that!
Sarah

Nrvsbride · 01-22-2007, 01:47 PM

Lol. Dammit I am such a sucker when it comes to friends. I always forgive people when they do crummy things. Uggh. She really has no right to get mad at me after what she pulled but like all NYC girls they will just turn it around and somehow make me feel like a bad person. Gosh I'm such a

-Glenda

Sarah · 01-22-2007, 02:41 PM

Glenda, I would just tell all the girls who were previously planning to be bridesmaids that your wedding party duties are on hold until you find out exactly how big your wedding is going to be in Cabo. That way, you are still kinda putting off those that you don't want in the wedding, but can "unofficially" include the new BM. It's scary picking BM so far in advance, because you never know what will happen in your relationships over the next year. My MOH is someone I've only known for a year, but it seriously feels like we have been friends forever- sounds cheesy, but true. She even moved to another state and we are still close. So, just try to hold off as much as you can. Your FI can still post pics of the groomsmen if he wants, but due to the nature of your relationship with some of the BM, I think you may want to sit that one out for a while!