Shower Gift Opening Ettiquette

Pug3636 · 07-22-2008, 11:13 AM

Hello!

Here's the scenrio I have a question on and wanted your much appreciated opinions...

My aunt is throwing us a family picnic wedding shower in September. I had a lot of hesitation over even having a shower because of the whole destination wedding thing and not wanting DW guests to have to buy us a gift. We aren't having an AHR either and I didn't want anyone to think the shower was a gift grab. My family and friend's that cannot attend the DW insisted on putting this together for us, which in the end is super thoughtful of them to want to do.

Because it's not your typical wedding shower i'm wondering what to do about opening gifts. My mom says you always open gifts at a shower, and you take them home and open them at an AHR. So if we are opening gifts at the shower do you open the "envelopes" too? I know some family members and friends will give us "envelopes" in place of a gift because we aren't having an AHR. Honestly, the whole thing makes me nervous!

Thanks for your input!

beachbride08 · 07-22-2008, 11:19 AM

I agree with your mom. I've always seen people open gifts and cards at bridal and baby showers, and open gifts at home for wedding receptions. Some people will get you gift cards and put it in with the card rather than wrapping separately. Although, when people give cash or check don't do what my cousin's FI did and announce how much money there was in the card! Maybe it's just me, but I thought that was exteremely tacky.

lauren · 07-22-2008, 02:36 PM

wow michelle, i think that's REALLY tacky.
we didn't have an ahr, and i didn't want a shower, but my sister threw one for me. i registered, so got mostly items on my registry, and then ppl who wanted to give us a wedding gift mailed us a check or whatever once we were married.
i don't think you have to open cards. at the end of the party, when you say goodbye, just say thanks for the gift card, or thank you for the generous gift.

Pug3636 · 07-22-2008, 03:45 PM

I agree, that is really tacky! We won't be announcing anything :). I didn't want a shower but was told I was being a stick in the mud and they wanted to do it for us. We compromised by having a family picnic in a park. I'm leaning towards taking the cards home to open and simply thanking everyone as they leave. I wasn't sure if that would be rude. Plus, we'll do thank you cards. Thanks for your thoughts!

Anna83 · 07-22-2008, 03:53 PM

I don't want to have a shower either, because of the whole DW thing, but my FMIL wants to throw me one. I think if i do end up having a shower, it will be a "couples" thing, and I wouldn't open the cards, just the gifts. Besides, who wants to sit there and watch you open a bunch of cards?

kevsgirl · 07-22-2008, 04:59 PM

I was just talking with someone else at the office about this today and she mentioned that her friend didn't open those gifts that were only in envelopes.

I have to say that I think that's probably best, IMHO, becuase sometimes there's actually cash in the envelope and that's just not good = it's a bit awkward in front of everyone to even show that there's cash vs. a card or a cheque.
Better to have a little basket for card/envelopes and then only open those cards that are actually attached to gifts, along with the gifts, in front of people.

Pug3636 · 07-22-2008, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kevsgirl

I was just talking with someone else at the office about this today and she mentioned that her friend didn't open those gifts that were only in envelopes.

I have to say that I think that's probably best, IMHO, becuase sometimes there's actually cash in the envelope and that's just not good = it's a bit awkward in front of everyone to even show that there's cash vs. a card or a cheque.
Better to have a little basket for card/envelopes and then only open those cards that are actually attached to gifts, along with the gifts, in front of people.

The basket will be a great way to not have to go through the awkwardness of it all. Great thought!

Pug3636 · 07-22-2008, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anna83

I don't want to have a shower either, because of the whole DW thing, but my FMIL wants to throw me one. I think if i do end up having a shower, it will be a "couples" thing, and I wouldn't open the cards, just the gifts. Besides, who wants to sit there and watch you open a bunch of cards?

I so agree about not wanting to have a shower! I didn't want one (not that i'm ungrateful) and the couples family picnic was the best option. My FI isn't so thrilled with it...he would have much rather I have a girls only shower that he wouldn't have to be a part of. He's going to die when he finds out we are opening gifts in front of everyone! I told him to drink a few beers and the shower will be a blast :). As our wedding gets closer a few other people have mentioned throwing us a shower too. It works out well this way because we can invite everyone and have one big one in a park, versus a bunch of them. Why are people so nice?!?! :)

Kits55 · 07-22-2008, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kevsgirl

I was just talking with someone else at the office about this today and she mentioned that her friend didn't open those gifts that were only in envelopes.

I have to say that I think that's probably best, IMHO, becuase sometimes there's actually cash in the envelope and that's just not good = it's a bit awkward in front of everyone to even show that there's cash vs. a card or a cheque.
Better to have a little basket for card/envelopes and then only open those cards that are actually attached to gifts, along with the gifts, in front of people.

great idea! I will definitely keep that in mind in case it ever comes up with us. I don't think that anyone who will give a card would feel bad if you didn't open it right then and there. Personally if i gave a card with money or a gift card I'd feel much better if it was opened in private.

Kits55 · 07-25-2008, 06:53 AM

i was just re-reading the post and realized that you are having a "couples" wedding shower. I went to one for some friends a couple of years ago. It was really fun! they had their party at the groom's parents' winery that wasn't quite open for business yet. They had drinks, snacks, easy decorations, music and i think food that you'd cater in from Famous Dave's even though they made it themselves. So everyone kind of hung out and ate first then they split people up into tables and we played one game of competitive Scrabble. it sound really lame but my table made it fun by being really dirty (although not everyone's family will find that appropriate). After that everyone just mingled or ate more food and then the older generation started leaving. The younger people just went to the groom's parents' house and went in the hot tub. There was a table for presents when you got to the winery but no one even mentioned opening or anything. Right after Scrabble they were pretty much taken out to the cars, so that's an idea too. have the table and the basket for cards then have someone remove them from sight before the end of the party.