Family not approving

Lillie09 · 06-26-2008, 08:42 AM

Thank you all so much. You made me feel a lot better! I have told my mom to stop asking me if I'm sure because I am and this is what we want. I gave everyone more than enough time to save etc. I already know some family that aren't coming and I'm fine with it (mostly because I'm not close with them just had to invite b/c they're first cousins).
I'm still hoping my grandma will come but I can't stop everything because of that as much as I love her.
We are doing what we want and I am going to enjoy the planning!
Plus we are having a Church wedding that my grandma will definitely come too. My moms problem?? I probably will not wear my wedding dress..there is always something!
Thank you all again!

DanielleNDerek · 06-26-2008, 08:48 AM

You can't make everyone happy so just worry about yourselves. That's my DW motto. lol

Betsy · 06-26-2008, 08:56 AM

One more little piece of advice - sometimes the ones that complain the most about a DW are the ones who are so in awe of how beautiful a DW is. We get the most beautiful background for our pictures and we are truly getting married in paradise. Sometimes the complainers just need to hop on the plane and GET THERE to realize how wonderful and beautiful a DW is.

adias.angel · 06-26-2008, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Betsy

One more little piece of advice - sometimes the ones that complain the most about a DW are the ones who are so in awe of how beautiful a DW is.

Totally agree and sometimes its the ones who have that little green monster on their shoulder.

EricaG · 06-26-2008, 06:30 PM

You can never make everyone happy, and that is why you have to do what you want to do! If it is really important to some people that they are there, they will make it, especially if you give them enough notice.

Medusa1977 · 06-26-2008, 07:42 PM

I know exactly how you feel, I talked to my mom today and after she asked " How's the wedding planning going?" She said, "You know I was thinking, you should just have the wedding here and go there for your honeymoon.' This is exactly what she said to me a week ago when she offered up her BACKYARD. I am just so frustrated, She has already tod me they are not coming. I have accepted that but i wish she understood that a wedding here would be way more than we want to spend, havig a DW is a way to keep everything romantic, small, affordable, and have the most memorable wedding.

luvtoteachlaw · 06-28-2008, 08:29 PM

My FH and I delicately mentioned this last Wednesday night to his family. They looked shocked, although FH told me he has always told them he wants a DW. So . . . younger brother (age 32 and unmarried) called my FH and wanted to "let him know the family concerns" regarding our wedding plans. First it was the classic guilt trip, "Now there are many people who love you who want to see you get married, and they won't be able to come" and "why aren't you getting married in a catholic church by a priest?" and on and on . . . My take = younger bro is jealous because he always expected to be married first (he always has had long term girlfriends, but never was close to getting married). My FH thinks this is true, too, unfortunately.

This is hilarious in a way because my family, who are VERY traditional, are totally cool with the idea. In fact, my mom cried when I told her that I wanted a special intimate wedding with close family and friends. She thought the idea was special because the focus was on having our wedding with the people who mean the most to us and not on some big ridicuolous event that 200 people would attend. FH family is from NY and much more liberal in their viewpoints. Frankly, I think FH stepmom wants to be able to have all her friends to our wedding and knows that they will not get an invite.

Best advice = keep focused on YOU and what YOU and FH want to do. It is a celebration of your love and commitment, not anyone else's. You never want to regret not doing what you want to do.

Cabo OR Bust · 07-03-2008, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lillie09

Thanks for responding. I do think that she is talking mostly about herself because we are not doing the "traditional" wedding. She did mention my FSIL's but I'm very close to them and they are very excited and ask me about it all the time.
I'm getting married in the Church a couple of weeks before we leave and having a small dinner with immediate family after. I thought that would be enough to satisfy her. I honestly think she cares about what other people think.

Lillie, I can totally relate! We are also getting the little comments here and there, and I am getting married 1 month before the DW in a catholic church with my parents and FI only with small dinner to follow, so it will please her and my dad. I go through this every so often with my parents, and I thought I was the only one. Mom also wants a huge AHR, but I'm not a big "LARGE" crowd type of person, and I don't want to spend extra $$ when I can just put it investments or a down payment for another house, so I'm struggling with coming up with courage to tell her, um, NO. And plus, I moved to Kansas City from Orange County, CA, so that AHR would take place in CA and cost me an arm and leg for 300+ guests! Somebody shot me. lol

bridget917 · 07-05-2008, 09:58 AM

We have caught some slack, but I know that even if we had the big wedding back home that many people wanted us to have that there would still be complaints because it wasn't done their way. Some people won't be happy no matter what you do, so you just have to do what makes you happy!

Besides, I'm still convinced that the people who have complained the most will be the people raving about it when it's over

smacik · 07-15-2008, 12:43 PM

I am so relieved to see that I am not the only person going through issues with family. I've recently made the decision that I don't want to be Catholic and have been going to a wonderful Christian church, and I am happier than ever. Mom is unhappy with that, and now she is unhappy because she thinks my grandparents won't travel with us. I love everyone in my family dearly, but the fact of the matter is that as long as I am there with the love of my life and our parents, I don't care about anything else. I've watched too many of my friends get caught up in their wedding that they forgot why they were having one, and I refuse to do that. I believe my mom will never understand and will always have little comments about the way I chose to do things, but I can't live my life with regrets about the most important day of my life, and I don't think anyone should. Life is too short!