Family not approving

Lillie09 · 06-25-2008, 05:58 PM

I've had my DW planned since 9/07. I still to this day have my mom asking me if I'm sure I want to do this. My FH and I had a big wedding/reception planned for 2 months and then decided that everything was just too expensive (especially in NY). My mom cannot get over the fact that we are doing something different. I'm so tired of hearing her! I'm excited about my wedding. She keeps telling me that it's a hardship on people.

I only invited my very close family and friends. My mom is the only one complaining but now I'm afraid that everyone is upset or disappointed that we're having a DW and I can't even be happy planning. The only person behind me is my sister (thank goodness)!!!
I just want to know if anyone has been through this and how it turned out.

Oh and my mom loves to tell me that my grandma may not be able to attend (I'm very close to her) and she knows that upsets me but I believe she will be there.

I'm so sorry this is so long!

AmandaR · 06-25-2008, 06:12 PM

Hopefully your mom will come around. DH and I were the first in either of our immediate families to do the DW, and his parents were a little apprehensive at first, but started loving the idea after they realized it's a great excuse for a vacation! It sounds like you gave all invited guests plenty of time to plan.
She told you that the DW was a hardship on people - do you think she's speaking mostly for herself?

Lillie09 · 06-25-2008, 06:31 PM

Thanks for responding. I do think that she is talking mostly about herself because we are not doing the "traditional" wedding. She did mention my FSIL's but I'm very close to them and they are very excited and ask me about it all the time.
I'm getting married in the Church a couple of weeks before we leave and having a small dinner with immediate family after. I thought that would be enough to satisfy her. I honestly think she cares about what other people think.

petunia · 06-25-2008, 06:48 PM

Lillie, from one New Yorker to another....

An elaborate wedding is often a matter of prestige among parents. Gift giving is expected to be reciprocated. Perhaps your mom feels cheated out of what her friends and family were able to have for their children's weddings.

Lillie09 · 06-25-2008, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by petunia

Lillie, from one New Yorker to another....

An elaborate wedding is often a matter of prestige among parents. Gift giving is expected to be reciprocated. Perhaps your mom feels cheated out of what her friends and family were able to have for their children's weddings.

Yes! you hit the nail right on the head! That is ONE of the excuses she has given me in the past. But I explained to her that I don't care and this is what we want to do! I wish she would listen and be happy for me.

petunia · 06-25-2008, 08:32 PM

My fiance's daughter is having a huge, lavish, very expensive Long Island wedding in two weeks. Her FMIL is soooooo into the wedding scene. She has been a terrific support to the bride (whose mother is not in the picture at all) giving in to all her wishes and paying for anything other than the reception that my fiance's daughter wants. Well, when so many of the guests on her side of the list declined, she was livid. She keeps talking about all the weddings she went to, all the gifts she gave, and now when it's her turn people are not coming. It's a case of Mother-zilla. Lucky me. I just get to sit by my sweetie's side and be pretty. :-)

Just Martha · 06-25-2008, 08:35 PM

You can't please everyone....all you need to worry about is you and your FI. If this is what YOU guys want, then that's all that matters! Easier said than done, I know....

verrow23 · 06-25-2008, 09:26 PM

I know EXACTLY how you're feeling... we went through the same thing. After looking around into all kinds of venues we realized it was going to be way more than we are willing to pay. We had decided to have our wedding in Mexico. My fiancé’s mom kept asking me if we were sure (literally EVERY time I saw her for 3 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), then there was the whole talking crap about having a Catholic wedding (his dad is not exactly religious)... I cried almost every other day during the first 3 months of planning, and one day I finally decided F*%& it! If they don't like it then don't go! I'm marrying the love of my life, and we're doing it however we want. I've loved planning my wedding; please don't let them doubt your decision. I know it's easier said than done, but I’ve been there and I regret letting them ruin such a special time in my life.

Kat81 · 06-25-2008, 09:29 PM

My mom is excited but drops little hints all the time that she wished I was having a wedding at home. I thought for sure my grandmother would make it too we are SO close. I am even named after her. Due to her health she can't make it. I am sad about that but she will be with me in spirit and I am getting it recorded just for her. You have to do what you want to do ya know?

Taradactyle · 06-25-2008, 09:33 PM

I hope it works out! A lot of us have gone through this as well.