ahhhh ... stupid MIL!!! - LONG! - Page 2

Alyssa · 06-06-2008, 01:57 PM

My family is more like Rachel's we are all up in each other's business and just invite ourselves over all the time LOL

well, i do think you are being a bit unreasonable and at the core of this - this is not about you MIL - this is about you and your DH getting on the same page. you need to find a compromise you can both live with. This is his mom and I think you should relent - why make more problems for yourself?

Also, i agree that at least she gave you notice!

Hartyt509 · 06-06-2008, 02:20 PM

I don't think you are unreasonable at all but its not worth fighting with DH about.

My FI knows in no uncertain terms how I feel about his mother, only difference is this is MY house so its MY rules lol

I find if you have to see her what you do is arrange it a weekend when either you're away or at work then its minimum, I managed 60 mins the last time lol at the end of the day you don't have to like her she isn't your mum.

FMIL does the same to me unfortunately for her I tell her she isn't coming and that kinds of end it lmao she said to me once in a restaurant in London oh we are coming up (thats her new hubby!!) to yours one weekend to do your garden!! I said thanks but you aren't thats FI's job and if he doesn't do it I can do it myself but thanks for offering lol She said oh are you trying to do me out of a weekend at yours? my reply : YES! and kept eating not a lot she could say after that lol

So really what I'd say is say sure she can come but make sure its a weekend you are busy and he isn't lol his mother he can deal with the clingy shit!

LOTTALUV92 · 06-07-2008, 06:20 PM

I Just Want To Add To This Forum,you Have To Understand Mama's Are Always Going To Be Overly Protective Of There Sons, They Feel No Woman Is Good Enough For Them.. I Know This Is Hard, Kill Em With Kindness,play Her Game Take Her Out To Lunch Or To The Mall ,have A One On One With Her Give Her Some Flowers, Ask Her What Is It She Dont Like About You, Actually Put Her On The Spot,she's Not Only Lonely But Miserable, Find Her A Date, Some One To Keep Her Occupied...not Matter What Her Son Is Her Baby,if That Dont Work Call Over Some Of Your Friends And Have A Get Together Every Time She Pops Up After Awhile She Will Get Tired,always Have Your Back Up Company. Lol Good Luck I Hope This Helps U Out A Little, P.s. Dont Argue With Your Mate Its Not Good,dont Let Mil Win The Battle That Is What She Trying To Do Anyway.

JessicaLovesBrian · 06-07-2008, 06:57 PM

I am admittedly, a bit of a stickler for not showing up at people's houses uninvited. I hate when people show up at my house mainly because I sort of am very organized and have set things I do on certain days and disrupting this tends to send my Type A personality ass into a bit of a huff. My MIL (as much as I love her) is sort of pushy and will invite herself over a lot of the times.

So I can totally feel your annoyance with this. DH and I have had some heated exhanges when this happens... but usually it's like 10 minutes tops. It's not worth it to me to let it do on for more than that. Once I vent I can let it go.

That being said, I think you also need to let it go. You've expressed your feelings to DH, but it is his mother. You wouldn't want him telling you that your mother (or whoever) can't come over to the house both of you share. I know it's hard to let things like this just go sometimes because it is annoying, but it's really so not worth it.

Why don't you just suggest that your DH and his mom do a little mom/son bonding time while you go out shopping or something!

Ana · 06-07-2008, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenn

That's a tough one... I understand your thinking she shouldn't invite herself, but she's his mom. My mother has an open invitation in my house, same with my DH's family.

It is the same with my FI and I. We both think family is super important and both our sets of parents are welcome whenever they choose. But I think that there is probably a reason why you feel the way that you do in this case, otherwise you probably wouldn't mind so much. Sometimes when we let things build up and build up they come out in the end, usually with more intensity than if they'd been addressed at the time. About a year ago I had a similar issue with my FI's mom, only she was being cold and evil to him. I just confronted her one on one, without my FI's involvement. I told her how she made us feel, and what I thought of her. It really helped. She's been a much better mother to him, and a great friend to me ever since. that's just my 2-cents :S sorry for rambling lol

Opice34 · 06-07-2008, 07:44 PM

My FMIL invites herself, but I adore her, so it doesn't bother me. Plus she does it in a very cute way...she'll call and say "We really miss you both and would like to come visit. Please just tell me if there is a weekend that works for you and I will plan it." So it's not like she gives us the small choice of two dates, and the way she says it is so darn cute that I just want her to come anyway. I'm really lucky in the in-law department.

Is DH her only son? I think marriages cause a lot of change in families and while you and DH are starting your lives together and getting used to "married-ville", his mom is also getting used to sharing her son and the fact that he's married. I'm sure we'll all understand this a little more when our boys grow up and start relying on other girls instead of us. (FI was always very close to his mom and he recently told me that he hardly talks to her anymore and they've grown apart because when he has a bad day, he talks to me. And that makes me feel very sad for her. That has to hurt as a mom. So I make sure he still calls her frequently.)

Anyway - the moms have to deal with lots of changes when kids get married too, and sometimes they don't handle it well.

That being said, I'm sorry she's so cold towards you! At least she was nice on the wedding weekend, but that still stinks! I'm sorry!

Would you guys ever invite her on your own? If not, it may be better that she invites herself rather than spending years resenting not getting an invite...

I hope everything works out!!

StephanieBriskey@charter. · 06-07-2008, 07:52 PM

Oh, boy, difficult mil's are the worst. Did you marry my ex-boyfriend? His mother was like that.

But, I think you are overreacting just a tad. She didn't really invite herself. She asked if it would be ok if she came down. What if your hubby told her both of those weekends were not good. She'd probably pick another weekend or not come.

Even with all of her faults, she is still your husband's mother, so I think you should put up with her - within reason. It serves you and your marriage best if you can make nice and get along. If she is disrespectful to you, your husband should put an end to it. But if she wants to visit, you should tolerate it. Try not to fight about this, it's really not worth it.