Awkwardness with my sister/MOH...

06-05-2008, 07:44 PM

So my sister is currently separated from her husband and living with my parents and staying at his house while he travels(he travels a lot). They say that they are still very good friends and the obviously get a long but lost their connection as a married couple. Well my sister has been best friends with her male former male co-worker for a while. When she told me about her separation, she also told me that she is romantically interested in her former co-worker. He was living overseas and she has gone to visit him with and without her husband and now he is back in the US. They are going to Canada together next week for a month or so. Her husband knows and I guess hes fine with it.

I am not comfortable with everything that is going on. She asked me to take them to the airport and I feel too weird about it. He was also at our house today before I got home from work and when they left she told my son "to say bye to Uncle xxxxxx." When my FI told me this I was just like he is not our son'd f'in uncle!!! I already told my sister she can bring him to our wedding in Mexico. I just hope that I can get used to all of this by then.

We are going dress shopping tomorrow morning and I don't know what to say to her. I want her to know that I am not ready/comfortable with her relationship or whatever with this guy, but I don't want to offend her. I know that she is going through a lot and I want to be there for her, but I don't think I am mature enough at that level (she is 10 years older than me). I know if I try to say something to her I will just start to cry cuz thats just the way I am.

nikkianddean · 06-05-2008, 07:52 PM

That's so tough. I think that honesty is the best possible policy in most cases. I think if you sit down with yor sister and have a heart to heart with her she would undertsand. I think if you eplain to her that you are happy that she is happy, but it's taking you a little longer to absorb all of the rapid changes going on she would not take it the wrong way.

With regard to your son calling her new bf "uncle" you should not shy away from speaking your mind here. Your son is likely to be confused by a new family member and she should be sensitve to that considering the fact that this man is not her husband.

I think if you're senstive to her feelings and honest about yours you'll be ok :)

Allaballa · 06-06-2008, 07:46 AM

I really don't think you should say anything. This is your sister's life and she should live it how she wants to with whom she wants.

Reverse the situations and imagine that she felt uncomfortable with your FI or our choice of wedding venue or anything like that and felt she had to express her feelings about it.

I think if you say anything to her and she does end up with her new Beau then you are looking at a lifetime of akwardness. I just can't imagine her reacting very well to your opinions on her life. I know I wouldn't.

lambert13 · 06-06-2008, 07:48 AM

Here are my dos pesos.

1. As far as your son goes......you have every right in the world to voice your opinion about that. What if they don't end up staying together? This guy is not even close to being his uncle yet.

2. As far as your sister goes. Be careful what you say. She has every right to date, marry, divorce or whatever with whoever she wants. But, you also have the right to feel however you want about her choices. You just have to choose what to say to her with some caution and compassion.

caroline · 06-06-2008, 07:52 AM

I'm with Nikki. Honesty is the best policy (for me, at least) and if that involves a few tears on your part, then so be it. Again, stress that you're happy she's happy... but you need a bit of time to digest the situation.

And as for her telling your son to say goodbye to "Uncle?!!" Nip that shit in the bud right away if you're not comfortable with it. THAT is a definate no-no, as far as I'm concerned!

And for the record, I think you are being very mature in that you're even pondering the whole situation and how it might affect all involved~

BarefootBride · 06-06-2008, 07:57 AM

I wouldnt make such a big deal over this guy yet. Maybe just mention how you havent gotten use to him yet since shes been with her husband for all of these years. And tell her that you know that change happens yet you havent totally taken it all in. But really its not your place to say more than that unless the guy is not good to your sister. It seems like your sister is happy with him. Let her enjoy it. Its her relationship.

dragonfly · 06-06-2008, 08:02 AM

I would tell your sister you are not comfortable with your son calling this new man uncle, that is entirely your right as a mother. As for this new man in your sister's life not much you can do about that. We have to accept the choices that the people around us make, it is their lives to do as they please with, and if we love them, we just hope that they find happiness somewhere in the mess that life can make. Drive her to the airport and get to know this new man and be supportive of your sister, if you think this is difficult on you imagine how difficult the whole process has been on her.

alex · 06-06-2008, 08:10 AM

I agree with the "uncle" thing - definately tell her that you don't think that's appropriate & that you don't want that going on!
As for the new man, I have to agree with everyone else. You may not be crazy about the guy or the idea of them being together, but unless there's a pressing reason (ie/ he's bad to her, etc) then you might have to step back & let your sister experience this new relationship. If she is travelling with him, then obviously they must be serious (well in my opinion anyway because I wouldn't travel with just anyone! lol)
Might not be what you would like to do, but try to support your sister. At the same time you can tell her that you're trying your best to be behind her, but it might take you some time to get used to it all. Make sure she knows that you're going to be there for her though!

Alyssa · 06-06-2008, 08:10 AM

honestly, i think it is none of your business what she does with her personal life.

now, with that being said, anything that affects your son - that is different - you have every right to tell her what your boundaries / comfort level for that.

the rest of it - it would come off as judgemental and unsupportive to me. she may be living according to 'your rules' but we are all different.

SunBride · 06-06-2008, 09:02 AM

I think you could mention it, maybe just say something to the effect of "I'm not comfortable with him yet but I'm glad you're happy and I'm going to try hard to get used to the idea, it just might take some time" that way you are letting her know how you feel, so that she can better understand your behaviour (for example if you decline driving them to the airport or doing other stuff). But by saying you will try to get used to it, well then she can't really get mad. It's not like you are saying "this guy is bad news for you and I want you to dump him now".