Wedding Vows with Children

lilywu@ladhs.org · 04-15-2008, 11:39 AM

This will be my second marriage and I have three children, two of which are from my ex. Did anyone include their children in their marriage vows? If so, how did you include them?

Abbie · 04-15-2008, 12:17 PM

we're doing a sand ceremony to include them, hold on a sec i'll post the wording we'll use..

ok here is is:

Sand Ceremony
Minister - TREVOR:
There are two children who will share in this marriage. Trevor and Alixzandra will now come forward to help us with the Blending of the Sands. The joining of this new family will have a deep influence upon them. We realize that in order for the home to be a happy one, it is essential that there be love and understanding between the children and the adults being married.
For Trevor and Ali the celebration can be more than just witnessing. This is an opportunity for them to bring themselves into the new family and in a symbolic sense to give themselves to this new venture of the marriage of their father.
Abbie and Doug, today you are making a life-long commitment to share the rest of your lives with each other and honor Doug’s children as well. Your family relationship is symbolized through the pouring of these individual containers of sand.
One representing you, Abbie, and all that you were, all that you are, and all that you will ever be, one representing you, Doug, and all that you were and all that you are, and all that you will ever be and another container for each child.
As you each hold your sand, the separate containers of sand represent your lives to this moment; individual and unique. As you now combine your sand together, your lives also join together as one family.
You may now blend the sand together symbolizing the uniting of the children and bride and groom into one.
Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so will be your marriage and your family.

you can do a search for sand ceremony and you'll get lots of other ideas on it as well, if you like it, that is!

marcoloscabos · 04-15-2008, 12:31 PM

Hello Lilywu,

It is crucial to make your children feel welcomed in a second marriage.

This is basically the best way to start a new family.

I am unaware of your children ages, but the sand ceremony is perfect for any age I agree with Dougsgirl. Now if you have children who could read, they can also be part of oyur wedding by reading a poem, scripture, etc.

By having your children partcipate in your wedding, they will be the primary witnesses and they will feel good about themselves and finally about the new relationship.

Wish you the best!

Kat81 · 04-15-2008, 12:33 PM

I love that Abbie. So sweet

destinationcabo · 04-15-2008, 12:58 PM

Oohh...Abbie, that is so beautiful! My son will be coming to the wedding but FI's son will not, so we decided not to incorporate anything beyond the typical legal cermony vows, but I really enjoyed reading yours!

Abbie · 04-15-2008, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kat81

I love that Abbie. So sweet

Quote:

Originally Posted by destinationcabo

Oohh...Abbie, that is so beautiful! My son will be coming to the wedding but FI's son will not, so we decided not to incorporate anything beyond the typical legal cermony vows, but I really enjoyed reading yours!

thanks gals!

dragonfly · 04-15-2008, 01:23 PM

I was different in my thinking in this subject. We did not include our children in our vows, or do a sand ceremony. Everton and I have been together for almost 9 years, and lived together with our children for almost 8 of those years. I had three children, Everton had one and then we completed our family by having one together. We made our children our wedding party, no titles just a unity of all 7 of us standing together while Everton and I furthered our committment to each other. We didn't include our children in our vows because I was marrying Everton and he I, we were not marrying our children. Our committment to our children is a given, we do not need to publiclly declare that to them, or to anyone else. Our children know that we are their parents, and will remain responsible and loving to them no matter what happens with Everton and I. The marriage of a man and woman is a contract, a contract to work hard, love each other, stay faithful, and form a partnership, in my opinion something that is a choice. For Everton and I, there is no choice but to be committed to our children, therefore we had no need to include them in our vow. There was no need for a sand ceremony declaring us as one, we already have that deep understanding as a family. Our children have never questioned our deep resolve to always be their parent no matter what comes our way.

Now don't think that I am not supportive of others doing these things if it is what is important to them. I am only sharing with you how Everton and I decided the way we were going to proceed with our wedding day, and why we chose to do things the way we did them. We all must do what is best for our family, and only you will know what that is. Everything in life that Everton and I do is for our children, our marriage was for Everton and I, and I think our day played out beautifully for our entire family.

SoontobeMrsE · 04-15-2008, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougsGirl

we're doing a sand ceremony to include them, hold on a sec i'll post the wording we'll use..

ok here is is:

Sand Ceremony
Minister - TREVOR:
There are two children who will share in this marriage. Trevor and Alixzandra will now come forward to help us with the Blending of the Sands. The joining of this new family will have a deep influence upon them. We realize that in order for the home to be a happy one, it is essential that there be love and understanding between the children and the adults being married.
For Trevor and Ali the celebration can be more than just witnessing. This is an opportunity for them to bring themselves into the new family and in a symbolic sense to give themselves to this new venture of the marriage of their father.
Abbie and Doug, today you are making a life-long commitment to share the rest of your lives with each other and honor Doug’s children as well. Your family relationship is symbolized through the pouring of these individual containers of sand.
One representing you, Abbie, and all that you were, all that you are, and all that you will ever be, one representing you, Doug, and all that you were and all that you are, and all that you will ever be and another container for each child.
As you each hold your sand, the separate containers of sand represent your lives to this moment; individual and unique. As you now combine your sand together, your lives also join together as one family.
You may now blend the sand together symbolizing the uniting of the children and bride and groom into one.
Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so will be your marriage and your family.

you can do a search for sand ceremony and you'll get lots of other ideas on it as well, if you like it, that is!

OMG Abbie! I love this! We haven't yet decided how we were going to do this. I want to do a sand ceremony too and may copy yours. It is beautiful, short and very sweet.

Abbie · 04-15-2008, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoontobeMrsE

OMG Abbie! I love this! We haven't yet decided how we were going to do this. I want to do a sand ceremony too and may copy yours. It is beautiful, short and very sweet.

thanks celina! copy away! just remember to change the names, haha!

lilywu@ladhs.org · 04-15-2008, 01:38 PM

Thanks Abbie - that's so beautiful....I'm getting emotional just thinking about it. And thank you Rev. Marco for those additional ideas for the older children. I have a daughter who just turned 13, and two boys ages 9 and 1 1/2 yrs. I think it's really important to include my children in our marriage especially having a daughter whose beginning her "tweenager" stage and who is constantly going on a emotional rollercoaster. =)