Save the date question

[Duchess]

Hi Ladies-

I tried doing a search on save the dates, but couldn't find an answer, so I hope this thread isn't a duplicate.

Anyway, my question with regard to save the dates...How did you determine who you should send them to? I mean, if you know that you want to invite someone, but their circumstances would likely prevent them from attending a destination wedding, do you still do a save the date?

There are alot of people I would like to invite, even though they wouldn't likely come. Partially because it seems like it would be a slap in the face to them if they weren't at least invited, and partially because they mean something to me.

The flipside is that I dont want people to feel like I am over-inviting so I can get more gifts.

What is the etiquette on this one?

Thanks!!!!!

[Abbie]

I know it's been discussed, and there are lots of different opinions, but I personally would not send a STD to someone who I already know can't make it. I would however send them an invite, as a courtesy, so they know that even tho they can't make it, they are still wanted. Why have them STD when they don't need to? JMHO :)

[Alyssa]

My FI and I made a list of who we would want to be there, regardless of their circumstance (i think it was 80 or 90 people), we included them with STD's - and invited them to all view our website - it was great - it got all everyone excited for us and they all felt kept in the loop. We knew that only 25 to 35 would be able to travel but did not want to exclude people. we only sent invites to those actually attending b/c our invites were more like info packets. i say include them!
just don't put registry info or anything and you won't seem like you are fishing for gifts :)

[Pazoop]

Hi Jamie --

We're actually sending out our STDs in the next two weeks or so and have been having a similar dilemma. What we've ultimately decided to do is send out a STD to everyone we would invite to a traditional wedding at home --we're going to have multiple pages on on the second sheet with the travel agent info we're going to put a message like --

"We realize that Mexico is very far away and we understand that not everyone will be able to make the trip, but our fingers are crossed and we'll be delighted if you can! If you are ready to book your trip please contact..."

(I know I got that from someone else's posting but I can't remember who so I apologize for not being able to give due credit!)

Then we plan to spread by word of mouth that we do not expect gifts -- that way it's up to individuals if they want to do presents, but hopefully they will feel that the pressure is off.

[Duchess]

Julia- That is great, sounds like what we are thinking too. Thanks!

[Yari]

My FI and I sent a STD to everyone we wanted there. We totally assumed some people would not go and they were the first people to book. We are super excited!

[Hartyt509]

I've been wondering that too to be honest. Mine is slightly different tho as there are plenty I DON't want to go including FMIL pmsl so i've decided just to send the STD to the ones I actually want to come rather than others I don't want cause knowing my lucky they'll book first !! lol

[Maura]

etiquette-wise, you should never assume that someone's circumstances wlil prevent them from coming and exclude them from the group, even if you know for sure that is the case. i personally sent STDs to about 80 people knowing that many wouldnt be able to go but i did get a number of phone calls and emails from people saying they appreciated receiving a save the date anyway and that they were so sorry they cant make it for whatever reason. i even had a number of people tell me that even though they werent going to be able to come, they hoped we'd still send them an invitation so they could see them, send a gift etc. we also had some surprising people book who we thought for sure would not come, but when they got the STD they called and were so excited.

[Ana]

my FI and I aren't doing STDs. Since we had to get everyone's deposits in ASAP and they had 2 weeks from the time we got the contract with Sunquest, there was no time to do anything. We sent out emails instead (its more green that way too ) but we emailed everyone, even if we knew they probably wouldn't be able to make it.

When we make up the invites though, we will only send them to those people that already book, or have expressed an interest in attending. We're cutting out the people that come out and point blank said they weren't coming.

[alex]

I think it's a good idea to send them out even if you think they probably can't make it. In our situation we're not even engaged yet, but have had some family members that we never thought would be coming ask us if they're going to be invited, where we're going, etc.