so save the dates are out....

[cessyboston]

Hi girls.. so the save the dates are in the mail and donnie and i are concerned about people inviting themselves ...so we thought about giving tammy our list and having tammy say oh i dont see you on the list let me contact erica and donnie..has anyone done this or is this a tacky idea?? we also put on our website the save the date and said now that the save the dates are out so people get the hint but i have had a few of my old high school friends say oh by the way whats the info on the hotel so they are inviting themselves already...uggg so there may be a thread like this but i did not find it let me know what you all think....i am a hairdresser and i have had a lot of my clients go to see the website we wouldnt want them all there :)thanks girls...

[Leia78]

i'm so excited that your STDS are out...your guests are going to love them!!!!
some of my co-workers are saying the same thing to me..."i can't wait till your wedding next year"...and i"m like in my head "hmmmmm, i'm not planning on inviting you"

yikes, what to do??

[amandalovesryan]

I am having the same issue with my coworkers. What I have been doing is saying that I only invited several of my closest friends from work. I started out by saying that the wedding will be small, this way when people find out they are invited, they are surprised. I know that some people will be offended but what can you do. P.S. my stds went out yesterday! so excited

[amyh]

I don't think that's tacky at all, especially if you have the feeling that people will have the nerve to call Tammy with out an STD.

[Maura]

erica, i havent sent out STDs yet, although the friends i'm inviting already know all the details so the STD will be mostly a formality. i dont think its tacky at all to have tammy confirm with you people who aren't on your invite list. one thing that i'm finding with a few friends is that they don't understand what the per guest cost is. i even have one friend who's engaged who doesn't think her fiance can come, so she took the liberty to invite someone else as a date! i had to politely tell her the invite was for her and her fiance only. in fact, i'm thinking about doing the same thing you are so as not to have people book who arent invited. i have friends from elementary school who i havent spoken to in at least 8 years try to invite themselves...coworkers...grad school friends who i havent spoken to in 2 years. what is it with people inviting themselves?!
if it makes you feel more at ease and more comfortable to have tammy check on a list before letting people book, i say do it!

[coreyphil]

I think having Tammy confirm is a great idea. In the beginning my FI and I had a number of people ask a lot of questions ... we just kept saying that we were keeping it small, etc. I put the blame on myself and just said that planning a big wedding gave me panic attacks! BUT - even after all of that we still had some continue to joke about "crashing the wedding," etc. to which we never really gave a response. I think you'll find that once the STD's go out and once your friends talk among themselves and learn that some people really did get 'official' invites and others did not ... things will die down a bit.

You're doing everything right - it's great that you're putting it on you're website, too. To the friends that are asking questions, if they continue I think it's perfectly fine to say - I'm so sorry, we really hate that we can't invite everybody, but the wedding is going to be small ... or our budget only allowed us to invite family and a close friends ... or something along those lines. They'll get the hint. I know it can be touchy ... hang in there!

[JulieG]

I think you should do both things, have Tammy say that they are not on the list and they need to call you, AND, put on your site that you sent out your save the dates. This way most people will get the hint. Do not put the travel info on your site though, just direct them to contact Tammy, or you might have people arranging travel and stay with other TA's

[MikkiStreak]

It's better to be safe than sorry, but at the same time, I'm wondering how many people might be making the statements either to share in your excitement? If they got an invitation, would they actually shell out the money to attend? It's hard for me to imagine when all of us have a hard enough time getting our own families and close friends to attend. I can't even imagine any of our acquaintances actually spending the money to go...

[Tlseege]

I've had this problem already. I would say a list with Tammy is a good idea, but it might make for some really hurt feelings if they go to book with friends and a few are on the list and a few aren't. But, tuff luck! I actually caught wind of people inviting themselves (actually my aunt inviting her friends) and I just had my father call and explain that it's a very small intimate wedding for OUR closest family and friends.

[cessyboston]

thanks girls...i think we should be ok i hope we just have to be honest..thanks again..