FMIL is STILL Trying to Add to Our Guest List

foxytv · 10-22-2007, 06:56 PM

Our invitations are in the process of being delivered (some have arrived, some are still on the way). FMIL called today to say she was talking with some of her friends who received their invites -- and other friends overheard (other friends who WE don't even know and have never met) so she wanted to double check the date/time of our AHR to let them know.

aaarrrggghhh!!!!

The AHR is going to be at Tom's bar/restaurant ... but we still have to PAY for it (pay the staff and for the food/alcohol) ... and we really don't want more of FMIL's friends being invited since we've never even MET most of them.

There are several of FIL's friends who we have met, hung out with, gotten to know, and gladly put on our guest list. But there are probably a dozen or so others that FMIL just insisted be invited to both the DW and AHR. I added them back a long time ago, and it's not a huge deal, since we doubt the ones we don't know will actually come -- but if she keeps pushing for her friends to attend our AHR -- I am going to SCREAM. We just do not want people we have never met to be a part of our reception.

I already decided to tell her that it is "invitations only" but that if she wants to have a party in their city for us after the fact, that they are totally able to do that. Tom says he'll just tell her flat-out to stop inviting people -- that's fine with me too b/c that's the right answer ... I just don't feel comfortable doing it (if it was my Mom, I would).

Anyway, really just needed to vent. Tom is out of town on business so I can't bitch to him.

Yari · 10-22-2007, 06:58 PM

Oh no you poor thing, that stinks.

I don't understand why people think it is okay to invite people to your wedding. So tacky!

BrittneyD · 10-22-2007, 07:12 PM

Tami, I am so sorry! I know what a pain that can be. My mom did the same thing to me. I told her she was going to have to cover the extra expense of her friends coming, because we just can't afford it. She said no problem, but we have yet to see any money. NOw we are going to be footing the bill for people we have never met. I hope TOm will be able to get her to stop inviting people for your sake.

lauren · 10-22-2007, 07:31 PM

FI's mom did the same here...and we're not having an AHR, so she just kept laying on the jewish guilt...we finally flat out said NO. NO MORE. PERIOD. she'd call and say well i was talking to so and so across the street, yadda yadda, and i'd have to say, 'yeah, well, we're not adding any more'...and then she'd call FI and pull the same thing w/ him, but at least she got the same answer.

i say tell her no - no more! you want YOUR friends and family, not HER friends!!! she had her wedding dammit! (can you tell i'm still a bit upset about this

)

amyh · 10-22-2007, 07:33 PM

I agree, just say no or tell hubby to say no. Or even better, let her know that you'll need to collect X amount of $$ for each additional guest she invites since its not in your budget!

foxytv · 10-22-2007, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yari2566

Oh no you poor thing, that stinks.

I don't understand why people think it is okay to invite people to your wedding. So tacky!

I know! She is the best FMIL, really, but she is so flighty that it is hard to handle. And we are paying for the DW and AHR all on our own. It would be one thing if they were contributing, but they are on his retirement pension and their PT jobs, so while I don't expect them to contribute, I also don't expect it to be a dog and pony show for her to show off her son and FDIL, you know? ugh..

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrittneyD

Tami, I am so sorry! I know what a pain that can be. My mom did the same thing to me. I told her she was going to have to cover the extra expense of her friends coming, because we just can't afford it. She said no problem, but we have yet to see any money. NOw we are going to be footing the bill for people we have never met. I hope TOm will be able to get her to stop inviting people for your sake.

Oh, geez Brittney. That sucks too! You still have time, but do you think she'll ante up? How many people did she add to the list? Are you having to pay for everything ahead of time? We don't actually pay for the ceremony and reception costs until we get to the resort -- and the reception we will pay for after the fact, so at least we have that leeway in case her guests do decide to come.

Don't you think it's pretty ballsy though to accept an invitation to the wedding of someone you don't know, even if it is your friends son/daughter? I guess the older generations might not look at it that way and see it more of an honor to be invited?

foxytv · 10-22-2007, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lauren c.

she'd call and say well i was talking to so and so across the street, yadda yadda,

lol. That's pretty much exactly how Tom's Mom puts it when she calls.

We are definitely telling her to cut it out -- actually I told Tom about it when he called tonight and he said "I'll take care of that tomorrow. Don't worry." I just know he is a little more harsh with his Mom than I want to be about these things -- but I guess he knows how to handle her better than I do.

JessicaLovesBrian · 10-22-2007, 07:40 PM

My MIL was the same way. I love her to death, and I understand she was just excited and wanted to show off our wedding, etc. But it was just annoying because it defeated the whole family and close friends thing we were going for.

So I told Brian either he had to flat out tell her to stop, or I would. Thankfully it all worked out and she stopped, though we did wind up with a few of her additions on the guest list because she had already pretty much told them they were invited and they had already begun to make plans (aughhh!). But at least she arranged for us to all get together a few times before hand so they weren't absolute strangers by the time the DW rolled around.

starchild · 10-22-2007, 10:47 PM

Ugggh Tami that is quite annoying! The money is a factor but even if it wasn't, it's supposed to be a party for YOU to be honored by YOUR family/friends. That's what bothers me the most in these situations. You want to look around and see people that have supported you, not strangers who know someone who knows you. I'm glad Tom is with you on this issue but what a PITA that you even have to address it and put yourselves in any position that might offend FMIL. Let us know how it turns out!

StephanieMN · 10-22-2007, 11:05 PM

Yes I can only imagine this would be frustrating. My FI is going to talk to his folks tomorrow to remind them to not "accidentally" invite people. He was a pilot and he knows a lot of people!!
I guess I would say it sound like she needs to be set straight. It is like her inviting people to your honeymoon so they can watch you make babies! Not really her place.